parents helping with down payment??

[Anonymous]

Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

[Anonymous]

When we bought our first condo my parents gave us $50,000 to help with the down payment. When we upgraded 5 years later they gave us another $50,000 to help with the larger downpayment for a bigger place. No payback expected. They just wanted to help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

Since your parents were never in the position to help you out, I think it's difficult for you to say what you would have done. If you want to frame it as a "self-respect" thing, you can, but it's usually more about generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

I hate to break this to you but when someone has no money for a down payment, they have to tell their parents the exact amount they need or they won't be buying a house. It's really not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

Since your parents were never in the position to help you out, I think it's difficult for you to say what you would have done. If you want to frame it as a "self-respect" thing, you can, but it's usually more about generational wealth.

I'd tend to agree with this. I think I also trend towards frowning on people who take money, but maybe that's just sour grapes because I wasn't offered any. I want my parents to be comfortable in retirement and spend every last dime they have on living life and traveling. ...but if they had the money to do all that AND throw me a few bucks, then maybe I'd take it and not look back. Pulling yourself up by bootstraps is overrated, and I don't even know what bootstraps are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

I hate to break this to you but when someone has no money for a down payment, they have to tell their parents the exact amount they need or they won't be buying a house. It's really not that complicated.

I think you are misunderstanding the PP. Sure you would talk finances with involved parents/family members- that's a given. But you would not have an open discussion with a random neighbour or other extended social circle, especially with critical details. It's unnatural.

I would think the person who came out with the money talk was either very gauche or lying to give the nosy party what they wanted: some gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

I hate to break this to you but when someone has no money for a down payment, they have to tell their parents the exact amount they need or they won't be buying a house. It's really not that complicated.

I think you are misunderstanding the PP. Sure you would talk finances with involved parents/family members- that's a given. But you would not have an open discussion with a random neighbour or other extended social circle, especially with critical details. It's unnatural.

I would think the person who came out with the money talk was either very gauche or lying to give the nosy party what they wanted: some gossip.

NP. When I was in my early 20s, working on the Hill, we all used to bitch about being "so poor." I quickly realized there were conflicting definitions of poor. I was 100% self-supporting, barely able to stay afloat while many "broke" friends had credit card bills and rent still covered by parents. When people assume that everyone is in a similar situation, discussions are often much more frank and open. Besides, we were young and dumb and often drunk. I didn't advertise that my own circumstances were different and that's how I know that every single one of my close friends had significant parental help on the first and often subsequent down payments and that only one was expected to repay those "loans."

Now that we are all much older, nobody discusses money anymore and no one would ever mention info from those earlier conversations.

[Anonymous]

^ Young and drunk is where a lot of candid conversations happen. It seemed a bit socially acceptable to talk about student loan payments more than most things...

"I'll still be paying my $100k of student loans when I'm in the nursing home."

[Anonymous]

Pretty common in DC, in upper middle class educated circles. My parents paid for our first home outright ($400k) and that money carried over to each house we bought since then. 15 years later we still pay them 4% interest a month: $1333, which my mom describes as her golf and dinner out money. They have a lot of money and loaning us what they did isn't going to make a difference to them. But they like getting their monthly check so they can keep other investments illiquid. We have always bought homes that were absolutely within our budget at the time, but by getting a loan from my parents it saved us having to pay all kinds of ridiculous fees for a mortgage, and it allowed us to buy our home a year earlier than we did (because I was still in law school but with a post-school job (and salary) lined up). If anything, I almost wish we'd bought above our means with that first house, because I think a slightly better neighborhood would have gentrified a lot better than our pretty dumpy neighborhood. But I'm pretty proud and sensitive about money, so I don't think I would have been comfortable living in a home that was clearly above our means - because I would have been embarrassed about what other people would have thought. Like a PP said, a lot of rich people spend time trying to live below their means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

American here. I agree.
We bought our first home when I was 23 and Dh was 28. Not in the DC area, but another high cost of living area (San Diego.) Not a single dime from either of our parents.

+2.

[Anonymous]

Very common. I'm UMC and nearly all of my friends received downpayment help. DH and I did not, though, and I'm irked when people comment that we received help. We've had people outright ask us how much we got. It's not a big deal, but it's annoying since DH and I really buckled down and saved.

[Anonymous]

Another immigrant here. We have loaned and borrowed money between family members for awhile now. We'd gladly skip the banks and their b*llkaka and fees whenever possible.
I take care of my parents too. I bought my mom her first home back in old world in 2000. Now that she is on her feet, she has bought 3 more outright. My father lives free in a house I bought for my retirement.
I frown on your frowning. You don't know the finances and the relationship between children and parents. Why would I not loan money to my sons to buy their houses and collect interest if I could afford it. Also many people want to get rid of their money before they pass away.
Some of you make this a pride thing while it could easily be a good financial decision.
You are so close to your parents that you can help them, but you cannot talk to them about your finances and work with them if they wish to do so in order to skip the banks.
Pride might get in your way of doing the best for the whole family. We are the bank for each other at different times. Actually it's my mom who doesn't care for them and now I understand why.
Remember, many pay interest to their parents. Win-win, and the ones who don't, well, it's between them and their parents. Not my money and there are plenty of other things in the world I can frown upon.

[Anonymous]

Sure we got help, and it was not a loan. It was a gift. A lovely 350k gift. We bought a very modest home and have a down payment similar to what our home would cost in a midwestern city. I have no opinions either way about how people pay for their homes. I can't imagine asking someone such a question, but certainly i have experienced tacky people asking me. I answer honestly. While I feel some topics to be tasteless, I find few things to be taboo.
We plan to be responsible with the family wealth and do the same for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure we got help, and it was not a loan. It was a gift. A lovely 350k gift. We bought a very modest home and have a down payment similar to what our home would cost in a midwestern city. I have no opinions either way about how people pay for their homes. I can't imagine asking someone such a question, but certainly i have experienced tacky people asking me. I answer honestly. While I feel some topics to be tasteless, I find few things to be taboo.
We plan to be responsible with the family wealth and do the same for our children.

* sorry that should read - mortgage similar to what or home would cost in a midwestern city

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Not unheard of among Indians. Parents typically pay for college, wedding and down payment for home if they can. college and wedding is pretty common for all SES.

This is quite common in many Asian cultures, mine included. My parents gave us $100k for our down payment. My grandparents gifted about an acre of land to my parents to build a house on when they got married. My aunts and uncles have all either bought their children condos or built them houses. I will do the same for my children if I am able.