parents helping with down payment??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

Quite the inconsistency there. People should pay for their own choices - unless they're close family members who need help, then it's OK by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for college and wedding but get got no help on our down payment for the house. By then they had to save for retirement!

I paid for part of college and all of my wedding but my parents gave me 100K for a downpayment. I have not student loans and a bunch of equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens. But we would never accept money from our parents. My DH's parents offered to give us money as a down-payment and we turned it down. That's just not who we are. We bought a home that we could afford. And we waited until we could afford a home on our own before buying.

That's fine that's "who you are". But clearly you're making a judgment about those of us who took parents' help. So let's say you waited 5 years before you could afford to buy. So now you've probably spent $100k or more on rent during that period, plus you'll pay tens of thousands of dollars in fees/interest/pmi to the bank to use their money, that might have otherwise been avoided if parents gave you the money or a large downpayment. My parents and I are close and this was a no-nonsense business decision. Better to save $150k (whether through me or them) than to give that money to a landlord or the bank. Being financially stupid is "just not who we are."

(PS this rationale obviously doesn't apply to those whose families aren't able to help. Just to the nose-in-the-air righteous folk who had the option to take parental help but thought they were too good for it).

It's less of a judgment about others and more of a statement about me and my DH. Our parents on both sides are wealthy. Some of it was inherited. Most of it was earned. We have been together since we were 16 years old. Married at 22. We are 50. We are both fiercely independent. Everything we have, we have because we were lucky enough to have parents who paid for our college education. The rest we earned. Taking money from our parents for anything other than a true emergency would feel like a step backwards to both of us.

We come from extremely close families. But we also come from families who believe that once kids are 18, they are adults. And adults pay their own bills. Our five children were raised the same. I have no one living in my basement. None of my kids moved back home after they graduated from college. We would (and have) helped with emergencies. But I wouldn't give them the downpayment for a home. I think there is pride in ownership and doing it by yourself.

Again, that's just me. I understand that it's very common for others.

Yeah...I'm less impressed with older gen x and boomers who did it themselves. If you bought real estate in this area before 2000, not such a Big deal. NOw millenials who have done it, or young gen x, who had the misfortune of entering the market right before 2008...

It's a little disingenuous to not acknowledge that luck plays a part. Whether you were lucky enough to have familial support, or just good timing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

Quite the inconsistency there. People should pay for their own choices - unless they're close family members who need help, then it's OK by me.

I am confused why the judgement? I did not make my parents give us money and technically - when they die- we will inherit money but they prefer to give it to us now for all sorts of reasons (taxes, possible long term health issues in the future, etc...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Coughed up 260k for downpayment with DW all on our own. No help from parents. Even if our parents had the $$ we would not take it. Maybe its a pride thing. Honestly, maybe I am judgemental, but being grown adults and getting monetary help from parents I personally frown up. People should have some self-respect and pay for the choices they make on their own. In our situation, we'll be helping our parents vs. the other way around.

Quite the inconsistency there. People should pay for their own choices - unless they're close family members who need help, then it's OK by me.

I am confused why the judgement? I did not make my parents give us money and technically - when they die- we will inherit money but they prefer to give it to us now for all sorts of reasons (taxes, possible long term health issues in the future, etc...)

Sorry, that was unclear. The first quoted PP judges "adults who don't pay for their own choices," but then intends on giving his parents financial help - which runs contrary to his own judgment of others. The second sentence did a very poor job of highlighting his inconsistency (or hypocrisy).

[Anonymous]

My DH is from Asia, his parents helped us with the downpayment (I don't remember how much, maybe 100 or 200k? And it was a gift, not a loan. We probably could have managed ourselves, but would have wiped out our savings, and DH wanted to put 20% down to avoid extra fees.) We were in our 30s and had kids already, were previously renting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is from Asia, his parents helped us with the downpayment (I don't remember how much, maybe 100 or 200k? And it was a gift, not a loan. We probably could have managed ourselves, but would have wiped out our savings, and DH wanted to put 20% down to avoid extra fees.) We were in our 30s and had kids already, were previously renting.

You don't remember whether you were gifted 100 or 200 THOUSAND dollars?

[Anonymous]

All my friends who live in upper NW in 1m- 1.2m homes (bought in early to mid 30s) had some kind of help from parents, either in direct form of gift, huge personal loan, or bought them starter apartments which they sold for down payments. This is only 3 couples though. Then I know someone in a 1m home in close in VA but they were gifted the land. Finally I know someone in a 1m home near Rockville, who is a law partner with SAHP. I know that the 3 in DC don't have any student loans either. My friends are pretty down to earth and we are casual with this stuff across our circle so that's how I know. Its not really a big deal, some people have more and get more for doing the same, or often less. Its life.

[Anonymous]

21 years ago I bought my first apt in Europe and my parents paid the entire down payment. It wasn't a huge sum, but the value of the apt increased by about 50% in 2 years, the next one doubled in 4 years and so on and so forth.

Its relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear this a lot, but it doesn't happen often or at all in the AA community.

My parents did furnish my first place (TH), but that's about it and I was truly thankful.

Another AA here, the same with us. We never even got housewarming gifts from our parents, but they are very proud at what we're able to achieve on our own and we don't resent them because they weren't able to really gift us with money throughout our adult lives. Our parents need every dime for retirement and they owe us nothing.

We are taking a different approach with our own daughter though, and we hope she will be able to help her kids a little more than we were able to help her. We will never have generational wealth, but hopefully each generation will be a little more better off than the previous. That's all we can really hope for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All my friends who live in upper NW in 1m- 1.2m homes (bought in early to mid 30s) had some kind of help from parents, either in direct form of gift, huge personal loan, or bought them starter apartments which they sold for down payments. This is only 3 couples though. Then I know someone in a 1m home in close in VA but they were gifted the land. Finally I know someone in a 1m home near Rockville, who is a law partner with SAHP. I know that the 3 in DC don't have any student loans either. My friends are pretty down to earth and we are casual with this stuff across our circle so that's how I know. Its not really a big deal, some people have more and get more for doing the same, or often less. Its life.

I live in upper NW and it's the same with almost everyone I know well.
In my case, we got $100K from my inlaws. Many of my friends were given whole houses.

[Anonymous]

I plan on helping my kids out with down payments if they are doing well and they are responsible with their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my friends who live in upper NW in 1m- 1.2m homes (bought in early to mid 30s) had some kind of help from parents, either in direct form of gift, huge personal loan, or bought them starter apartments which they sold for down payments. This is only 3 couples though. Then I know someone in a 1m home in close in VA but they were gifted the land. Finally I know someone in a 1m home near Rockville, who is a law partner with SAHP. I know that the 3 in DC don't have any student loans either. My friends are pretty down to earth and we are casual with this stuff across our circle so that's how I know. Its not really a big deal, some people have more and get more for doing the same, or often less. Its life.

I live in upper NW and it's the same with almost everyone I know well.
In my case, we got $100K from my inlaws. Many of my friends were given whole houses.

We live in upper NW, and I had never heard of anyone getting help from parents in my life. We paid off our student loans, saved, and bought in our 30s. But I'm one of those midwestern, middle class transplants. I really never knew anyone whose parents could afford to buy them a house! We help our parents out, not the other way around. But I don't think this is a thing to judge people for. It's just a matter of how much you can afford. If we are in a position to do so, we'll happily help our kids if they need it. We helped a sibling with a down payment not to long ago (paid back), and another sibling paid off our parents' mortgage.

[Anonymous]

I'm AA and my college-educated advanced degree parents paid for college so I started out on better footing than some of my AA peers because I didn't have loans. They also supplemented me for a long time afterward. I bought my house with no dp help from them but I took advantage of first-time buyer programs and my parents helped me furnish and update it.

[Anonymous]

Neither of our parents had much money, so they paid for us to go to state school for undergrad and that's about it. We worked and paid for our own wedding and downpayment on a house in one of the top school districts. However, for our children, I would likely loan them (not gift them) the money for a downpayment if it meant avoiding PMI and/or getting into the best school district they could.