Am I being neurotic and irrational?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the replies and different perspectives. I think I struggled so much with the request because never in a million years would I request the use of a FTM's crib of an unborn baby, regardless of the circumstances. I would bring my own pack n play, mattress, sheet, blanket as well as anything else my 6 mo would need. I wouldn't want to put any undue stress on a woman who is due in 4 weeks and will most likely go early (aka converting a newborn crib to a 6mo crib, ask the preggo to drop everything to go shopping since she still doesn't have the mattress pad and mattress cover, etc.) . But there is a whole background story on this "friend" so I'm not totally surprised by the request. DH is on the same page with me so we'll figure something out. Either I'll get over it and/or *suggest* our pack n play and/or it will resolve itself. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies and different perspectives. I think I struggled so much with the request because never in a million years would I request the use of a FTM's crib of an unborn baby, regardless of the circumstances. I would bring my own pack n play, mattress, sheet, blanket as well as anything else my 6 mo would need. I wouldn't want to put any undue stress on a woman who is due in 4 weeks and will most likely go early (aka converting a newborn crib to a 6mo crib, ask the preggo to drop everything to go shopping since she still doesn't have the mattress pad and mattress cover, etc.) . But there is a whole background story on this "friend" so I'm not totally surprised by the request. DH is on the same page with me so we'll figure something out. Either I'll get over it and/or *suggest* our pack n play and/or it will resolve itself. Thanks again!

OP, uh oh! I think your crib model's been recalled! You probably shouldn't let anyone's baby sleep in it until you have a chance to break it down and send it back for a replacement!

(At least, that would be my story if I had a "friend" insisting to use my crib!)

[Anonymous]

OP, I really hope when you are an exhausted FTM of a 6 month old, you have some similarly self-involved "friend" who tells you to lug a pile of gear for a visit because your infant would sully the pristineness of an empty crib.

And really, a crib is not like a wedding dress. Unless you peed and puked in your wedding dress. I love to shop and decorate, and had a lot of fun fixing up my baby's room. So I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a nice nursery. But I think your attachment to keeping your stuff virginal rather than showing consideration for another child and another parent is breathtakingly selfish.

[Anonymous]

The wedding dress analogy is not accurate, because a wedding dress can get ruined, stained, torn, etc. A crib will not suffer any damage from a 6-month-old sleeping in it. I for one dread going on vacations where we have to share a hotel room with our 10-month-old, as none of us get any sleep when we're all in the same room. I would never ASK to use someone's new crib but I would be annoyed to have to get no sleep when an entire room sits empty. We have no problem with a pack-n-play as long if it's in a different room. (flame if you want, I'm a light sleeper and my kid sighs, groans, and burbles in his sleep, plus he wakes up super early when he knows we are right there.)

So I'm in the "suck it up" camp, but if it's going to stress you out too much just set up the PNP in your baby's room before they come, put in a cute PNP sheet and maybe even a little lovey as a "gift" to their baby, so they will know you are not being unwelcoming.

[Anonymous]

i don't think you're being irrational. i totally understand where you're coming from and i don't think you need to chalk it up to being hormonal and irrational. you're exciting about having a baby and you want everything new.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really hope when you are an exhausted FTM of a 6 month old, you have some similarly self-involved "friend" who tells you to lug a pile of gear for a visit because your infant would sully the pristineness of an empty crib.

And really, a crib is not like a wedding dress. Unless you peed and puked in your wedding dress. I love to shop and decorate, and had a lot of fun fixing up my baby's room. So I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a nice nursery. But I think your attachment to keeping your stuff virginal rather than showing consideration for another child and another parent is breathtakingly selfish.

This. Sorry, but I really do think you are being neurotic and irrational and to me sounds like the baby equivalent of a bridezilla. Why not just get a different, cheap crib sheet (as many have suggested) if you are worried about your stuff being tainted by another baby? The amount of work it would take to change a sheet is basically the same amount of work it would take to get everything ready for the pack and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I really hope when you are an exhausted FTM of a 6 month old, you have some similarly self-involved "friend" who tells you to lug a pile of gear for a visit because your infant would sully the pristineness of an empty crib.

And really, a crib is not like a wedding dress. Unless you peed and puked in your wedding dress. I love to shop and decorate, and had a lot of fun fixing up my baby's room. So I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a nice nursery. But I think your attachment to keeping your stuff virginal rather than showing consideration for another child and another parent is breathtakingly selfish.

This. Sorry, but I really do think you are being neurotic and irrational and to me sounds like the baby equivalent of a bridezilla. Why not just get a different, cheap crib sheet (as many have suggested) if you are worried about your stuff being tainted by another baby? The amount of work it would take to change a sheet is basically the same amount of work it would take to get everything ready for the pack and play.

Screw that. If the friend is so "exhausted" with her 6-m-o, why is she traveling? The friend is a pushy bitch for thinking her kid gets the new baby's crib, period. Why is she the sacred cow who should get everything, while the FTM who's heavily pregnant has to bend over backwards to accommodate her? The friend sounds like a momzilla AND a friendzilla.

I think PPs' inability to see this from another's POV is "breathtakingly selfish" and self-centered. Hello, PPs, everybody is NOT YOU, and some people place value on things you don't (yes even material things! GASP). Get over yourselves.

OP, feel free to keep your crib for your baby, and offer only the PnP to your "friend"

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm glad we aren't friends, OP. You sound so annoying. Even as a FTM I couldn't stand women who found themselves unable to handle everyday situations due to the omg stress of being, gasp...pregnant. Oye.

[Anonymous]

Dang, wouldn't want to be friends with any of you gals that think this is reasonable behavior. It's not. I mean come on. Where are the parents going to sleep, btw? Given all of your attitudes, I assume you'd ask them to bring their own air mattress rather than bother changing the sheets in your spare room or setting up the pull out couch? The parents, and their chid, are GUESTS in the house. If you don't want to be put out by guests, don't invite them. But don't be RUDE if you do invite them. Hostessing 101.

[Anonymous]

Hey sock puppets, you can stop now: OP is going to offer the PackNPlay.

Too bad you are too busy foaming at the mouth to notice and go away!

[Anonymous]

^^ Sock puppets = people flooding the thread castigating OP for wanting her baby stuff to be for her baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm glad we aren't friends, OP. You sound so annoying. Even as a FTM I couldn't stand women who found themselves unable to handle everyday situations due to the omg stress of being, gasp...pregnant. Oye.

I'm glad your pregnancy didn't involve any emergency surgeries, crippling pain or numbness in your lower extremities, high risk for early term labor and late term pregnancy loss, or secondary medical conditions that required prescription narcotics. Seriously, that must have been nice for you. Mine included all of those things and by 34 weeks I was marking how few interventions my baby would need each week if s/he came then and yes, exhausted. If you wanted to visit me, you could have slept in the yard during the hottest summer on record for all I cared: you (and your no-doubt-extremely-lovely-baby) were sure as hell not going to be in any of the private spaces of my home, namely our bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

I love posts like this. The trolls go nuts over it! One more way to throw in how selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered, ill-equipped-for-parenthood, the-world-revolves-around-me, nuerotic and irrational preggos are. Unless they are the most self-sacrificing, giving, calm, patient, unhormonal woman on the planet, they're complete a-holes and should suffer miserably once baby is born. Just another typical day on the Expectant Mom's forum. FWIW OP, I think your DH's *friend" sounds like the a-hole and should be more than happy you offered up your own pack n play (that one can assume is brand new) so she doesn't have to travel with her own. But I'm not a troll that does everything possible to make you feel bad about yourself for asking the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm glad we aren't friends, OP. You sound so annoying. Even as a FTM I couldn't stand women who found themselves unable to handle everyday situations due to the omg stress of being, gasp...pregnant. Oye.

I'm glad your pregnancy didn't involve any emergency surgeries, crippling pain or numbness in your lower extremities, high risk for early term labor and late term pregnancy loss, or secondary medical conditions that required prescription narcotics. Seriously, that must have been nice for you. Mine included all of those things and by 34 weeks I was marking how few interventions my baby would need each week if s/he came then and yes, exhausted. If you wanted to visit me, you could have slept in the yard during the hottest summer on record for all I cared: you (and your no-doubt-extremely-lovely-baby) were sure as hell not going to be in any of the private spaces of my home, namely our bedrooms.

Then you don't invite guests to your house if you're not up for it. Problem solved. Really has nothing to do with whether the baby should use the crib or not.

[Anonymous]

You people are BSC. For real.