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Am I being neurotic and irrational?
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Anonymous
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OP, I am a pregnant FTM and live in a one-bedroom and don't have a nursery or a crib, but I TOTALLY understand you. I would like to keep my new baby stuff for my first-ever, brand-new baby. I am sure it seems silly to people not in this situation, but I agree with the other PP who said it's almost superstitious.
There's so much about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum that are out of a woman's control. Being a first tim mom is scary and crazy and wonderful. And controlling the little bit you can control is the only way to feel safe and comfortable sometimes -- so, you are fine to offer the PnP and keep the crib set up and ready for your baby. It's not at all self-centered, and I weep for the (lack of) souls of the PPs who claim it is. |
Anonymous
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There is no way on earth I'd feel comfortable with that. And, frankly, I can't believe all of the flack you've been given. You are a first time mom, spent all sorts of precious time and energy pulling this wonderful little space together for your little one. Puleaz. Pack n Play for the world. How rude of people to push aside all of your feelings. This is an element of the mothering instinct. It's powerful and loving and should be respected. I'd make no apologies, my dear. "Oh, these are for the baby. We set up a space for your little one over here." Superstitious on your part? I don't care. Insensitive on their part? You betcha. I'm sorry you're being bullied about being protective of your baby's things. DH ought to be ashamed if he's trying to pressure you in any way. |
Anonymous
| I let my friend's 3 year old sleep in our nursery when she was here for my baby shower. I think you are being overly sensitive. It will still look "new and perfect" after the 6 mos sleeps in it. However, do what you like. |
Anonymous
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I didn't have a crib or nursery even set up when my baby was born, and my kid ended up cosleeping. But I totally understand how you feel because I felt that way about other things.
The nesting instinct is huge and a real force within many women. I think even if you are being a little "irrational," you should unapologetically embrace it and feel fine saying to guests "I know it's silly, but I'd rather keep the crib for our baby." They should understand and if they don't, who cares? The wedding dress analogy is appropriate--the crib represents your hopes and dreams and is an intimate thing to your heart. DH should be trying to make you comfortable, not trying to convince you to do something that makes you feel bad. |
Anonymous
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can you ask the person if a pack n play would work for their child? some kids will 'only' sleep in a crib, or 'only' in a pack in play, or whatever. maybe that is why she was wondering if she could use the crib. she hasn't been a mom too long either, and i can remember going on trips with my new baby and agonizing over putting them in a sleep space different than what they had at home and being worried they wouldn't go to sleep. maybe her baby sleeps in a crib at home and she's worried the baby won't sleep in anything else. which isn't really your problem but maybe would explain the request.
personally i would never ask if my baby could sleep in a crib for a baby of a first time mother. even though i 'know' that it wouldn't ruin the crib, i understand that desire to keep everything nice and new and 'for the baby'. i think it's kind of weird they asked. |
Anonymous
| It is astounding to me that people are calling the OP overly sensitive. First of all, she is hosting out of town guests when she is 34+ weeks pregnant. That alone, would annoy the hell out of me. Second, she has the crib all set-up for her child when he/she comes home from the hospital. Now, she has to pull everything out, replace the sheets, hope the 6 month old doesn't have a blow-out or wet the bed. Then, she'll have to wash everything and put it all back in place. I can't even believe the friends would ask this of a first time, very pregnant woman. Maybe OP just wanted to relax the last few weeks of her pregnancy knowing that everything is done. Ridiculous. |
Anonymous
I've got an idea, tell the friends to get a hotel. They always have cribs available. I'm sure she won't mind having her kid sleep in a crib that a thousand other babies have. What's the big deal, right? |
Anonymous
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I dunno, I'm a FTM and I "get" the feelings you have about it, but would feel bad making them use the P&P. I'd just offer both, see which one works better for them. Frankly, the fact that someone else used the crib/nursery before your LO arrived isn't even going to be on your mind one he's in there. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think it's a little rude to not offer the crib since there really isn't a great reason for not doing so.
Did you get any of your stuff at consignment or as hand me downs? I did, and maybe I just have different feelings about "used" stuff. Though, I will say that the take home outfit I've picked out was definitely a "new" purchase...hmmm. I guess just put yourself in their shoes if you can and act accordingly. |
Anonymous
| Wow. FTM who thinks all y'all are neurotic and irrational. Sheesh. It's just a crib, people! |
Anonymous
It's astounding to me that people think this is remotely a big deal. First of all, she has to pull all the shit out of there anyway, because it's not supposed to be in there in the first place. And the baby having a "blow out" or wetting the bed? C'mon, get a grip. Unlikely, and even if it happens, then the parents clean it up. It's a crib, not a holy shrine. |
Anonymous
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I'm glad someone mentioned the emotional and superstitious aspects, because that's what would be going on for me, too. The baby is not there until its there, and if you know people who have had poor pregnancy outcomes and/or have struggled to conceive and/or waited anxiously for adoption placements, the nursery becomes a space that carries a lot of weight. Yes, that's not true for everyone, but if it IS true for someone that should be respected.
Another analogy would be letting people sleep in your bed. Some people are okay with this; I am less comfortable about it and absolutely not okay (for a number of reasons) with my parents sleeping in my bed. Anyone is welcome in my home, but I won't give up my bed. That's not true for many people and is no big deal, but that doesn't mean I need to do it. |
Anonymous
| I think you are being a little irrational. |
Anonymous
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One thing about using the crib for a 6 month old: you will need to lower the crib mattress from it's highest setting, since the baby can roll, push up, and is possibly mobile. On my crib, this is a pain in the ass (or my husband does it wrong, but it involves putting the crib on it's side). Perhaps you can use this as an excuse: Oh, the crib would need to be adjusted and silly as it sounds, I prefer not to loosen anything right now. Would a pack-n-play work?
On the other hand, if the crib does get used, just think of it as a safety trial run to prove you put the crib together right 
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Anonymous
| FTM expecting this week. I know people are suggesting that you ask them to bring a pack and play instead, but how great would it be if you could help them out by saving them the trouble of traveling with that thing? Can you offer them a pack and play you have received as a compromise? Consider how much work/organization that parenthood brings, and how you'll be in the same position in not very many months. Work from there and try to find a way, if you can, to help out a fellow parent in a way that is acceptable to you, as well. |
Anonymous
I agree completely. I was thinking of the wedding dress analogy too. Offering the pack n play is more than accommodating. I'm sure their baby has slept in one before and the friends should just be happy that they didn't have to bring it with them. Plus, wouldn't they want the baby in the room with them anyway? I'm surprised that the mom friend would even ask to use your new nursery - seems inappropriate to me. |