Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I decided long ago that we wanted only one child. We have her - she is beautiful, sweet and smart - and we feel so very blessed.

I am SHOCKED by what people say to me about our decision to have just one child! I was an only child and I had no idea there was such judgement out there about having just one child!!! I have been told that I am doing my daughter a huge disservice and that she will grow up lonely and insecure (I was neither). I have been called selfish and self-centered although not one person has ever called my husband selfish or self-centered. I've even been told that we aren't a family if there is only one child.

I never volunteer the information but everyone seems to ask when we will be having the second. Seriously, you see one baby and assume there must be another?!

Has anyone else decided to have just one child? If so - what do I say to these people?

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on who they are, and how much you want to engage them.

If it's your mother or a close friend -- someone you have to interact with on a regular basis -- I would say to them -- once -- that you appreciate their interest in your life, but this is your decision in conjunction with DH and you are comfortable with it. That is all. But it is not a topic that is open to furthe discussion.

For random strangers/ acquaintances, I would just look at them like they have 3 heads, shake my head slowly while letting out an audible sigh, and whisper a "wow" while walking away from them.

[Anonymous]

DH is selfish and lazy = 1 kid. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

People have no idea what you are going through. I'm sorry. I only have one, but that was because of infertility. Our one is adopted. People say the same types of things to me all the time. I'll try to play it off, like, one is plenty! Or, I'll make a crack about us being too old (we kinda are -- I'm 46 and DH is 52, albeit a young 52).

I do feel guilty about not giving her a sibling, but it is what it is. I can't change it. Just trying to make the best life we can with what we've got. She's a great kid; we've got a fun little family, and we love every minute of it.

[Anonymous]

I am a proud parent of "just" one. I love it, and always sing the praises of our small family. We need to let others know that there's no reason to feel guilty or sad if you have an only child.

If someone is a real pest, I just say, "All we needed was one good one!"

PS, I have siblings, and my husband is an only, and we know that happy kids and happy families come in all sizes.

[Anonymous]

DH wasn't sure he wanted any kids, we had DD, and while he melts with her and is the sweetest most amazing father, I think we're done. We get shit from (what feels like) everyone (minus a few good friends who also have singletons). DD is a very easy child thus far (2 y/o), easy going, good sleeper, listens for the most part - we're very lucky.

My mother is the worst, she often says how DD will end up a spoiled brat. It's even more funny because they love my SIL (brother's wife) - I agree, she's great - but she's an only child as well, something I guess she seems to forget. We made the decision for a few reasons, one of them being financial. We're doing fairly well w/ one child, we should be able to pay for her college completely, take one vacation a year (or maybe 2-3 weekend trips).

We're still rather young at 33, so who knows, but as it sits right now, we're a happy family of 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH wasn't sure he wanted any kids, we had DD, and while he melts with her and is the sweetest most amazing father, I think we're done. We get shit from (what feels like) everyone (minus a few good friends who also have singletons). DD is a very easy child thus far (2 y/o), easy going, good sleeper, listens for the most part - we're very lucky.

My mother is the worst, she often says how DD will end up a spoiled brat. It's even more funny because they love my SIL (brother's wife) - I agree, she's great - but she's an only child as well, something I guess she seems to forget. We made the decision for a few reasons, one of them being financial. We're doing fairly well w/ one child, we should be able to pay for her college completely, take one vacation a year (or maybe 2-3 weekend trips).

We're still rather young at 33, so who knows, but as it sits right now, we're a happy family of 3.

We are very similar. My parents don't give us shit but MIL is disappointed. I wish we could be friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I decided long ago that we wanted only one child. We have her - she is beautiful, sweet and smart - and we feel so very blessed.

I am SHOCKED by what people say to me about our decision to have just one child! I was an only child and I had no idea there was such judgement out there about having just one child!!! I have been told that I am doing my daughter a huge disservice and that she will grow up lonely and insecure (I was neither). I have been called selfish and self-centered although not one person has ever called my husband selfish or self-centered. I've even been told that we aren't a family if there is only one child.

I never volunteer the information but everyone seems to ask when we will be having the second. Seriously, you see one baby and assume there must be another?!

Has anyone else decided to have just one child? If so - what do I say to these people?

OP, I'm sorry people have said such hurtful things to you.

But when people ask, when are you having the second, that's a separate question. People engage in small talk, and that's a standard question, along the lines of What do you do? and How's the weather? There's an easy answer to this question that is also inoffensive, One and done.

[Anonymous]

We have 1. People make comments, and sometimes I worry that he won't learn how to share or whatever. But when I watch their kids, I don't see behavioral differences. Most kids think they're the center of the universal, siblings or not.

[Anonymous]

We have only one child and she will remain an only child (by our choice). We had discussed this before marriage, after we got married, before we tried to conceive, after I got pregnant and after the birth of our wonderful daughter (currently 1 year old). So we definitely talked about it a lot and we're confident in our decision. We have a certain lifestyle we want to lead and opportunities we want our daughter to have that wouldn't be possible if we have more children.

Also, I really don't want more than one. I can handle one kid, one husband, 2 cats (ok maybe another cat). I'm not sure and I don't want to test whether I can handle another kid.

DD is at the age where other moms with kids around her age are starting to get pregnant with their second so we are getting questions. I tell them that we plan to have DD be our only child, I don't really go into details or try to explain our choice. It's our choice and we feel we've made the right one for us and our family.

In full disclosure I'm an only child (yes, I did love it). My husband has an older sister.

[Anonymous]

We're about 90 percent sure that we're only having one child, and I agree that your response depends on who it is. Fortunately, my mother is very chill about it. She comes from a family of six, but when my aunt was asking me about whether we were having another, my mom said, "It will be fine either way, of course!"

If it's someone close to you, then I would say that while you know they mean well, you and your husband are happy with your decision, and you would appreciate them not saying negative things about your decision regarding family size. If they do it again, end the conversation and leave.

If it's an acquaintance or stranger--I'd just say, "What an awful thing to say," or "Why would you say something like that?" Or "Wow." Don't get into justifying your decision to outsiders. People really shouldn't say crap like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH wasn't sure he wanted any kids, we had DD, and while he melts with her and is the sweetest most amazing father, I think we're done. We get shit from (what feels like) everyone (minus a few good friends who also have singletons). DD is a very easy child thus far (2 y/o), easy going, good sleeper, listens for the most part - we're very lucky.

My mother is the worst, she often says how DD will end up a spoiled brat. It's even more funny because they love my SIL (brother's wife) - I agree, she's great - but she's an only child as well, something I guess she seems to forget. We made the decision for a few reasons, one of them being financial. We're doing fairly well w/ one child, we should be able to pay for her college completely, take one vacation a year (or maybe 2-3 weekend trips).

We're still rather young at 33, so who knows, but as it sits right now, we're a happy family of 3.

We are very similar. My parents don't give us shit but MIL is disappointed. I wish we could be friends!

My MIL is worse! My SIL has 3 kids and MIL/FIL always asks when we'll start catching up! But the in-laws are another post entirely...

[Anonymous]

Why are you sharing this with people? We weren't sure if we were going to have a second for awhile after DS was born, and then it took us nearly a year to conceive. When people asked when we were going to have another one, I would just say "I don't know." If people would go on saying about how we should really have another one, I'd say "Yeah? We'll have to think about that" with a bit of a cryptic smile. Unless it's someone I'm super-close to, I just refuse to engage with people on stuff that's MY BUSINESS. My close friends and family know better than to say stuff like that, and for other people, I'll let them live with their own assumptions. I'm sure some people thought I was already pregnant, some thought I was dealing with infertility, and who knows what else. I didn't care what they thought, I just cut it short and changed the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sharing this with people? We weren't sure if we were going to have a second for awhile after DS was born, and then it took us nearly a year to conceive. When people asked when we were going to have another one, I would just say "I don't know." If people would go on saying about how we should really have another one, I'd say "Yeah? We'll have to think about that" with a bit of a cryptic smile. Unless it's someone I'm super-close to, I just refuse to engage with people on stuff that's MY BUSINESS. My close friends and family know better than to say stuff like that, and for other people, I'll let them live with their own assumptions. I'm sure some people thought I was already pregnant, some thought I was dealing with infertility, and who knows what else. I didn't care what they thought, I just cut it short and changed the subject.

Whenever people ask me when we're having another (it's never "if") I just smile and say, "Ask me when I've had a good night's sleep." I don't get into this with strangers or acquaintances.

You have to be prepared for the question, though. If it catches you off guard, it's easy to answer without thinking and then find yourself the target of someone's opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sharing this with people? We weren't sure if we were going to have a second for awhile after DS was born, and then it took us nearly a year to conceive. When people asked when we were going to have another one, I would just say "I don't know." If people would go on saying about how we should really have another one, I'd say "Yeah? We'll have to think about that" with a bit of a cryptic smile. Unless it's someone I'm super-close to, I just refuse to engage with people on stuff that's MY BUSINESS. My close friends and family know better than to say stuff like that, and for other people, I'll let them live with their own assumptions. I'm sure some people thought I was already pregnant, some thought I was dealing with infertility, and who knows what else. I didn't care what they thought, I just cut it short and changed the subject.

That's what I say when people ask if I will have a second. "I don't know".