Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hence why I said my opinion. I don't assume it's your opinion or your experience. My point was that my experiences shape my personal opinions which in turn shape my behavior. Quite logical actually. Your unwarranted aggression is intense though... Good luck with that.

I'm not the poster you are responding to. However, I think it's shitty and mean of you and your friends to use "such only children" in a derogatory and insulting way.

Therefore, it is my opinion that you are an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

If anyone is crass enough to say something about it, make them feel really bad by saying that due to medical complications you were unable to bear more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

so do adults with siblings tend to be gossiping hens later in life?

If you have a very close group of girlfriends and you never, ever discuss the actions of one another, you are a unicorn. It isn't mean spirited and doesn't mean we ,love them less. In fact, I actually thin it's an acceptance of others' flaws and unconditional love. We recognize where a behavior comes from, acknowledge it, and move on. The same as saying "I'm annoyed that Sally never answers my calls, but I know she has been super stressed at work, so that's probably it. Oh well."

Hardly gossiping.

It's a strange conversation for a group of adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hands-down, the most self-absorbed adults I know were younger siblings (although I know many youngest children who are not that way). I don't know the sibling status of everyone, but the onlies I know as adults tend to be anything but self-absorbed--they have close friendship networks and are supportive and caring friends, are self-reliant and responsible, and don't think the world revolves around them.

I suspect the PP has a lot of confirmation bias going on. Only children are basically like other children. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone is crass enough to say something about it, make them feel really bad by saying that due to medical complications you were unable to bear more children.

I'm always tempted to break down sobbing and say that after the twelfth miscarriage my doctor told me I had to stop trying.

Because calling someone selfish or a bad parent because they have one child is just such a shitty thing to do, they deserve to feel shame.

[Anonymous]

We're one and done. Whenever someone asks when the next one is coming, I respond with, "Why would we have another? We think we did pretty well the first time, don't want to jinx it!"

DH and I both had siblings growing up. We were never close, as children or adults. Never felt like having multiple children was a "gift" to the first kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hence why I said my opinion. I don't assume it's your opinion or your experience. My point was that my experiences shape my personal opinions which in turn shape my behavior. Quite logical actually. Your unwarranted aggression is intense though... Good luck with that.

I'm not the poster you are responding to. However, I think it's shitty and mean of you and your friends to use "such only children" in a derogatory and insulting way.

Therefore, it is my opinion that you are an a-hole.

Apologies, it really isn't meant in a mean spirited way by anyone in my group of friends, but just an acknowledgement that we all come from different places, have different quirks, different personalities and different strengths and weaknesses. Wasn't meant to be offensive and was just contributing my two cents b/c as I said, the idea of having just one child is very, very appealing to me. I'm surprised by the vitriol, but like I said, wasn't trying to be hurtful or offensive to anyone here. How it is referenced in my friend group I am completely comfortable with, but guess friend groups have nuanced dynamics that are tough to convey in anonymous forum posts.

For what it's worth, I do not at all judge a parent who decides to only have one child. And would never dream of it being my business to ask when or if another one was planned.

[Anonymous]

We have an only. When she was born, I was 35 and we weren't sure we would have another although we loved the idea. I hated being pregnant, however, and had a very hard pregnancy.

As she got older, we agreed we wouldn't be able to even think about a second until she was 4. She's 4 now and our lives the past 4 years have shown us that we have the family we want -- we both have some chronic illnesses that slow us down, we both want to be able to pay for her college and even private school, and we both, frankly, are tired all the time from working full time and being full time parents.

So, for us, it's the right decision. Maybe if we had been younger when we met, we would have had two. But our daughter is a wonderful, sunny child and we love her dearly and we are so happy with our family the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hence why I said my opinion. I don't assume it's your opinion or your experience. My point was that my experiences shape my personal opinions which in turn shape my behavior. Quite logical actually. Your unwarranted aggression is intense though... Good luck with that.

I'm not the poster you are responding to. However, I think it's shitty and mean of you and your friends to use "such only children" in a derogatory and insulting way.

Therefore, it is my opinion that you are an a-hole.

Apologies, it really isn't meant in a mean spirited way by anyone in my group of friends, but just an acknowledgement that we all come from different places, have different quirks, different personalities and different strengths and weaknesses. Wasn't meant to be offensive and was just contributing my two cents b/c as I said, the idea of having just one child is very, very appealing to me. I'm surprised by the vitriol, but like I said, wasn't trying to be hurtful or offensive to anyone here. How it is referenced in my friend group I am completely comfortable with, but guess friend groups have nuanced dynamics that are tough to convey in anonymous forum posts.

For what it's worth, I do not at all judge a parent who decides to only have one child. And would never dream of it being my business to ask when or if another one was planned.

Okay, I take it back.

[Anonymous]

People say the dumbest things. I'm preg with DC2 (DC1 is a girl) and the other day at the dentist, both the secretary and the hygienist said "Oh, I hope you have a boy" in such an incredibly concerned way. This is after I made it crystal clear that I have zero preference for either sex. I only heard about people saying things like that on DCUM, couldn't believe it happened IRL. I should've said "Well, I don't" but I was so stunned. They are both moms to only boys and I guess they hope I get to experience something similar to what they have, but it's an insulting to my potential DD2! Sorry, didn't mean to take over with my vent. OP, it is so annoying the things people say about your reproduction is my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hands-down, the most self-absorbed adults I know were younger siblings (although I know many youngest children who are not that way). I don't know the sibling status of everyone, but the onlies I know as adults tend to be anything but self-absorbed--they have close friendship networks and are supportive and caring friends, are self-reliant and responsible, and don't think the world revolves around them.

I suspect the PP has a lot of confirmation bias going on. Only children are basically like other children. Period.

Wow - you are so right!!! The most self-absorbed people I have ever known in my life were also the youngest in their families. Until you mentioned it, I never thought about it! All of the Onlies I know are bright, loving (very successful) people.

I admire you, OP. You and your partner made the best decision for your family and are not bowing to pressure. I feel the same when a couple decides not to have children at all or decides to have five kids.

[Anonymous]

We are currently debating one or two. Everyone who criticizes you for your decision be damned! There's absolutely no harm. Check out the chapter in Nurture Shock by Ashley Merriman and Po Bronson about only children and the myths that surround the issue.

[Anonymous]

Thank you - I'm the OP and your posts of support have really brightened up my day!

Yes, sometimes people are just asking a benign question about when we plan to have another and I don't mind those questions. It is the directed comments about how spoiled and lonely our baby will be without siblings, or the comments about how as a mother I should learn to put the needs of my child above my own. Ridiculous stuff, I know but it is hurtful. We are the only one-child family that we know right now - maybe once we get DD into preschool we'll meet others.

Thanks again. I'm going to steal a number of your responses to use the next time I'm asked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

Your opinion is stupid. It's cute that you ascribe your own personal experiences to the general public. Like you, apparently, I have multiple only child close friends, and none of them are self-absorbed. The most self-absorbed people I know have siblings, in some cases, more than one. I guess -- by your logic that one person's anecdotal evidence = truth -- that means that those of us with siblings (including me) are way more self-absorbed than only children.

Hence why I said my opinion. I don't assume it's your opinion or your experience. My point was that my experiences shape my personal opinions which in turn shape my behavior. Quite logical actually. Your unwarranted aggression is intense though... Good luck with that.

And "hence" why I said that your opinion is stupid. Completing the circle of logic here. My "aggression" is entirely warranted because your original comment was moronic and obnoxious. Anyone posting such moronic and obnoxious comments deserves to be aggressively slammed.Your failure to grasp this is funny. I guess it just reaffirms my prior point that folks with siblings "tend to be more self absorbed later in life."

[Anonymous]

Yes. Like you and yours, my husband and I decided to have one child long before we were married. Having the knowledge that this was "it" so to speak has made us appreciate every step, every phase, every milestone of our child's life to the fullest. I've never longed for another and, like you, feel enormously blessed with our child. It is wonderful knowing that we can afford the best in schools and college for our son - we've been traveling with him since he was a baby and he's benefited enormously from the experiences we have had. You can do so much with one child that you can't do easily with two or three.

Our son has always been around other children in daycare, preschool, and now grammar school - he plays on sports teams and has lots of friends. This concept of only children being lonely stems from farm life a hundred years ago when a only child truly was isolated until school age. It simply isn't the case anymore.