Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - and I'm not going to live in fear. The whole "heir and an spare" argument is beyond ridiculous.

PP here. Yes, I completely agree. I wish I had your strength not to live in fear. I was depression/anxiety prone before I got pregnant, and the pregnancy/motherhood did a number on me as well.

[Anonymous]

We have decided to have just one. I was never really sure I wanted any children but I love the one I have to pieces. I'm not going to lie--it's been a hard adjustment especially with a husband who loves his son immensely but has a hard time with putting things besides work first on his priority list. We've had a rough time but are finally starting to see the end of the tunnel. I know having a second child would put a lot of stress on our marriage and I'd rather have one child and not be fighting all the time than have a 2nd and have our marriage be under stress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was at lunch this week with coworkers. Our friend of ours has an only grown daughter who has breast cancer. One of my coworkers actually said that it's too bad our friend has one child because if the child dies she will have no children. If you have two at least you'd have one left. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
BTW. I have an only also.

What a terrible thing to say!

I don't know if it's so terrible. As a parent of an only, it's something I think about. Nobody wants to lose a child, but if something were to happen to mine, I'd no longer be a mother. It's a fact that if you have two kids, and one passes away, you'd still be a parent. Being a parent is my one and only important thing right now, so having that taken away would be devastating in a different way to losing one of two children. Please don't jump on me as I'm in no way saying it's not devastating to lose a child no matter how many you have. That is a given. But, depending on how it was said, I don't think it's the worst thing to discuss. Now, believe me, I know some tactless people who would barf out those words with ignorance or actual malicious intent. But if the coworker was trying to be a caring shoulder to cry on, maybe that's ok.

I think about this too. How would I keep going? People with more than one would at least have a reason to keep going. I think my best friend — who has three — was horrified when I told her I felt this way, as if I were implying that she wouldn't mind losing one because she has so many. That's not it at all. But there is a gulf between a mother with a living child/children and a mother with no living child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was at lunch this week with coworkers. Our friend of ours has an only grown daughter who has breast cancer. One of my coworkers actually said that it's too bad our friend has one child because if the child dies she will have no children. If you have two at least you'd have one left. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
BTW. I have an only also.

What a terrible thing to say!

I don't know if it's so terrible. As a parent of an only, it's something I think about. Nobody wants to lose a child, but if something were to happen to mine, I'd no longer be a mother. It's a fact that if you have two kids, and one passes away, you'd still be a parent. Being a parent is my one and only important thing right now, so having that taken away would be devastating in a different way to losing one of two children. Please don't jump on me as I'm in no way saying it's not devastating to lose a child no matter how many you have. That is a given. But, depending on how it was said, I don't think it's the worst thing to discuss. Now, believe me, I know some tactless people who would barf out those words with ignorance or actual malicious intent. But if the coworker was trying to be a caring shoulder to cry on, maybe that's ok.

I think about this too. How would I keep going? People with more than one would at least have a reason to keep going. I think my best friend — who has three — was horrified when I told her I felt this way, as if I were implying that she wouldn't mind losing one because she has so many. That's not it at all. But there is a gulf between a mother with a living child/children and a mother with no living child.

Unless you have six or seven, there's no guarantees. My grandmother lost both her children in their 40s and 50s. You could argue that having more than one exposes you to more potential pain from the loss of multiple children ...

[Anonymous]

I planned on having an only but had a birth control malfunction and am pregnant with #2. I think the questions about how many kids you will have is so rude and nobody's business. You could only have one child out of choice or despite wanting more than one. I feel like people who ask such questions must be living in ignorant bliss or something. When people used to ask me about when I was having another I would just try to shake them off with a statement that I had my hands full already.

Fwiw - I have one sibling who I am not close with yet the problems she has haunt me and cause me much stress. So having a sibling is not always the blessing people claim it to be.