Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and was born in a country and a generation (former USSR in 1970s) where being an only child was the norm, rather than the exception. As a result, a lot of my Russian friends are also onlys and I haven't noticed them being any more selfish than anyone with multiple siblings.

We chose to have two children, but only because I thought it would be fun, not out of some fear of deprivation - I feel particularly deprived as a child - unlike the poster above, being an only bothered me not at all. I am, however, a complete and utter extravert so that may have made a difference. OP, your child may feel lonely or he/she may not - it really depends on the child's personality rather than anything else. Plenty of people have siblings and do not get along with them whatsoever (see family forum for multiple examples). So rock on with your only-child-having self and ignore the comments people make in RL.

I also grew up in the former USSR in the 1970s, but in our area, two children were the norm, and people with onlies were presumed to have medical problems that kept them from having more. Literally 95% of people I knew had two children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, only children tend to be more self absorbed later in life. I have multiple close friends who I love, but who we all describe as "such only children" and the meaning is instantly understood. The only time I've seen only children avoid this is when there is a specific source of hardship in childhood so that they learn it isn't all about them (eg, a parent has an illness).
Having said this, I don't love the idea of having a second child, but the above keeps me motivated to do so.

so do adults with siblings tend to be gossiping hens later in life?

Best response ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is quite interesting. I am an only child, and didn't like it growing up (I was very lonely). But as an adult I really dislike being an only child. My parents live on the Wes tCoast and I only see them once a year. My in-laws live in the midwest and we only see them once a year (but are not close with them). I feel very alone in life. We have no family in the area and have no one to spend holidays with. Being an only child with no family around is super lonely.

We have a child who is only 6 months old but I am already planning to get pregnant with #2 soon. I would feel so sad for her if she grew up to be an only child since we have no family in the area and I did not like being an only child.

Most of my friends have only 1 child by choice. My own parents are quite disapproving of us having more than 1! They don't understand why anyone would want more than 1. They don't understand how lonely I was as a child and lonely I still am.

Personally I never considered myself to be in a "real family" growing up because I was an only child--part of that was that we really didn't have any family traditions and I felt so isolated from my large, extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc.) who lived thousands of miles away. I would have had a much different experience if I had grown up near extended family.

I'm sorry you've had this experience. Siblings are no guarantee of anything, you know. DH and I aren't close to ours at all, and many people I know frankly dislike their siblings. If your parents are unsupportive of you, perhaps you should invest some serious energy in developing a family of friends who will support you. Family comes in all forms!

[Anonymous]

One and done and loving it.

[Anonymous]

I was at lunch this week with coworkers. Our friend of ours has an only grown daughter who has breast cancer. One of my coworkers actually said that it's too bad our friend has one child because if the child dies she will have no children. If you have two at least you'd have one left. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
BTW. I have an only also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at lunch this week with coworkers. Our friend of ours has an only grown daughter who has breast cancer. One of my coworkers actually said that it's too bad our friend has one child because if the child dies she will have no children. If you have two at least you'd have one left. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.
BTW. I have an only also.

What a terrible thing to say!

[Anonymous]

Just don't share this information with anyone (unless they are really close). If someone asks be cryptic or deflect. Its your life so don't give people the opportunity to butt in.

[Anonymous]

Another one and done family here. People do comment and I just blow it off. If someone pushes, I laugh and ask why THEY don't have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're one and done. Whenever someone asks when the next one is coming, I respond with, "Why would we have another? We think we did pretty well the first time, don't want to jinx it!"

DH and I both had siblings growing up. We were never close, as children or adults. Never felt like having multiple children was a "gift" to the first kiddo.

+1

[Anonymous]

We have one child in part because my sibling is such a disaster and is the source of much family strife. My parents are very good and loving people. With the best of intentions, they routinely give me the shaft and it hurts my feelings over and over and over and over again. It will never change. And no, my sibling has no special needs at all. Just a terrible decision maker. If I had any more than my one and made her feel for one nanosecond like I feel in my family on a regular basis, I would jump off a building.

[Anonymous]

Who are these people who weigh in on your reproductive decisions? I have gotten one or two queries from daycare workers about the possibility of a second child, but it's not something I'd tolerate from a friend or acquaintance. (I suppose the daycare people are just trying to gauge future enrollment.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People say the dumbest things. I'm preg with DC2 (DC1 is a girl) and the other day at the dentist, both the secretary and the hygienist said "Oh, I hope you have a boy" in such an incredibly concerned way. This is after I made it crystal clear that I have zero preference for either sex. I only heard about people saying things like that on DCUM, couldn't believe it happened IRL. I should've said "Well, I don't" but I was so stunned. They are both moms to only boys and I guess they hope I get to experience something similar to what they have, but it's an insulting to my potential DD2! Sorry, didn't mean to take over with my vent. OP, it is so annoying the things people say about your reproduction is my point.

Same experience here, only mine are both boys, and people were wishing me a girl. I guess some still view "one of each" as ideal.

[Anonymous]

I personally agree that having a second child would be in the best interest for everyone in your family since I myself grew up as an only child and hated every minute of it. I relied on my parents to entertain and play w/me and was very lonely and longed for siblings like everyone else.

However, this is MY opinion and I would never in a million years force this opinion on you or anyone else because it is not my business what other people do or do not do in their personal life.

If people really think they have a right to butt in your personal life like this, then I would ignore them, switch subjects immediately and discuss the weather.

Any reasonable and intelligent person would get the hint.

An idiot would not. And you do not want to associate w/idiots.

[Anonymous]

We have one child (due to medical reasons - we would've preferred another), but no one ever makes those sort of comments to me- I am really shocked that people say such judgmental statements to you, op. i think you are hanging around the wrong crowd! of course when my child was younger, say age 2 - 5, I would be involved in conversations where people would ask if we planned to have another child, but I considered that just chit chat, not prying or judgmental. I agree with the posters who suggest having a pat response that you feel comfortable and confident with and use it as needed. But wow, I can't believe people call you selfish and the like for "only" having one child. I would cut people who say such things to me out of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is selfish and lazy = 1 kid. Case closed.

+1