If you were opposed to circumcision for your son but did it anyway, how did it go?

[Anonymous]

I would strongly prefer not to circumcise our baby if we have a son, however my husband feels strongly that we should (we are Jewish). We still haven't decided what we are going to do, but I'm just curious, if you were opposed to circumcising your son or had serious reservations about it, but went ahead with it anyway, how did you feel during and after the procedure? Did you have certain requirements for doing the procedure (hiring a mohel, insisting on being present with your baby, having your baby not strapped down, waiting some period of time before doing it, etc.) that made you feel more at peace with it? Did you have lingering anger, resentment, guilt, regret, etc. afterwards, or was it just okay once it was done? Did your child experience any complications? I do not want this to devolve into a circumcision debate -- I'm very clear on what some people see as the pros and the cons, and am more looking for the specific experiences of those like myself who had concerns about circumcision but went ahead with it anyway. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I hear about men being ashamed of being "different" and getting it done later in life. If you think your son will probably also want to marry Jewish maybe it's better he's cut for a womann who's already likely biased. It probably seems weird to be thinking that far ahead, but again, this decision will affect the rest of his entire life and if you feel strongly against it, I wouldn't cave in.

[Anonymous]

If you husband feels so strongly and you're jewish, you should do it. I think that husbands get more say in this because they're men and have lived with being circed or not circed their whole lives.

[Anonymous]

Most people don't regret circumcision vs many that regret not being circumcised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you husband feels so strongly and you're jewish, you should do it. I think that husbands get more say in this because they're men and have lived with being circed or not circed their whole lives.

Yes, this. Women don't really get a vote in this.

[Anonymous]

My husband wanted our sons circumcised. The first one was done without us present, at the hospital, probably around 24 hrs. It healed quickly with no issues.

We didn't want our second son circumcised over the weekend at the hospital (holiday weekend birth). We waited and used a mohel when he was 4 days old. I was present, he was strapped down (really the safest and fastest). It was not a pleasant experience to watch to put it mildly. But it was quick. His healing went slower but no issues.
I recommend getting it done as soon as possible to minimize healing time --- but ensure whomever does it is very experienced and qualified. I'm glad I was present for my second son, although it's not pleasant.

[Anonymous]

We had it done at the hospital (shady grove) by my OB. DH went with DS and watched as it was done the whole thing took less than 15 min. DS didn't cry and was totally fine, nursed back to sleep when they got back to the room.

[Anonymous]

As a doula, I've had women literally sobbing in my arms because they allowed their sons to be circumcised (against their better judgement). I think there is quite a difference between a mom who "would rather not but is okay with doing it" and the mom who truly does not want it done, but agrees to, only to try to keep peace in the house. A close friend of mine is SO bitter and resentful and it has nearly caused a divorce for them; she cannot forgive her husband or herself, and her son is five. In her case, the healing process was difficult and her son needed revision surgeries, which is rare but definitely fueled her anger.

The only path that does not force spouses to choose between two opposing viewpoints is to agree to let the boy decide for himself. Accept that you and your husband have dramatically different beliefs and allow each one to share that perspective as the boy matures, and encourage him to make a decision for himself when he reaches adulthood.

I realize there is a lot talk about how much easier it is to do as a baby, but that is not actually medically true. In reality, an adult (or even older child) circumcision is easier because 1. the boy/man receives general anesthesia during the procedure and can fully self-medicate as needed afterwards; and 2. in an adult, because the penis is fully grown and the foreskin is already retractable, there is no "guessing" as to the correct amount to be removed, thus reducing complications such as tight erections or skin bridges. It also removes the need to forcibly separate the foreskin from the penis, which in an infant circumcision can sometimes cause scarring or other damage such as metal stenosis. Yes, a grown man does have to face the psychological and cultural drama of (potentially) having penile surgery, but at least he can be fully informed, get proper pain relief, and make the decision for himself. Perhaps your husband would be willing to approach the matter in this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't regret circumcision vs many that regret not being circumcised.

Many? Really? I think not. Especially in our childrens' generation where only 50% are, versus our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you husband feels so strongly and you're jewish, you should do it. I think that husbands get more say in this because they're men and have lived with being circed or not circed their whole lives.

Yes, this. Women don't really get a vote in this.

Why not? I've actually seen both and how they function -- my husband hasn't.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to come at it from a Jewish angle, verses a circumcision angle.... If you don't have a bris, there will be no bris certificate or official naming ceremony. The naming is nice for all the relatives. The bris certificate is always good to have, cause, we'll. you never know! Also, do you plan your son to have a bar mitzvah? The rabbi may not let him have one if he hasn't had a bris. He may not be able to have a Jewish wedding if he doesn't have a bris. Are you okay with all of that? Maybe even talk to a rabbi if you are having issues with the medical part of the bris. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you husband feels so strongly and you're jewish, you should do it. I think that husbands get more say in this because they're men and have lived with being circed or not circed their whole lives.

Yes, this. Women don't really get a vote in this.

Explain why.

[Anonymous]

Did not want to do it but our families are Muslim. We aren't practicing however we felt that we must - it was too heavy a tradition to forego.

It turned out fine, we didn't have any major issues and it appears to have healed fine according to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Ignoring the horribly rude doula comment, fingers crossed this thread stays civil and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come at it from a Jewish angle, verses a circumcision angle.... If you don't have a bris, there will be no bris certificate or official naming ceremony. The naming is nice for all the relatives. The bris certificate is always good to have, cause, we'll. you never know! Also, do you plan your son to have a bar mitzvah? The rabbi may not let him have one if he hasn't had a bris. He may not be able to have a Jewish wedding if he doesn't have a bris. Are you okay with all of that? Maybe even talk to a rabbi if you are having issues with the medical part of the bris. Good luck.

Sorry, op! I just reread your original question, and realized this wasn't very helpful to ur question. I wish you luck regardless!