my husband is not happily married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is using an 18lb (1.5 size) clothing difference, at SIX FEET TALL, after two kids, as an excuse for something else. Honestly, he sounds like a dick.

+1 seems like something else is going on and your weight is his scap goat. So sorry op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier. PP may be right. My ex was too cowardly to just divorce me, so he had an affair to make me divorce him. Maybe you are looking down the same path OP.

At the very least, start saving, and start exercising.

Why must she start exercising more? I suspect you're not recommending endorphins here but instead are recommending that she alter her appearance -- ironically, that's what mean husband wants too!

I'm not the PP, but OP does sound depressed. Excersize would help her mental outlook.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure it's not the weight, OP. Many women and men put on some weight in marriage, as they get older/have children/have health issues/become more sedentary/whatever. Very few of us look the same at 50 as we did at 25. It's not as if you'd gained 80 pounds and became obese (and even that would explain lack of sexual attraction, not the belittling and general misery of the marriage).

Trust me, if you lost those 18 pounds or even went down to size 4, he'd find something else to complain about. It's a symptom of a larger problem, nothing else.

For those who think there are two sides to every story and OP is leaving something out - it's possible. But it's also possible that OP's husband is just a jerk. Some people, men and women, are just nasty people, no further explanation needed.

[Anonymous]

He sounds unhappy with himself and has fixated on your weight as the source of his unhappiness. Women do this all the time, but usually fixate on their own weight--if I lose 15 pounds I'll be happier kind of thinking.

His behavior is emotionally immature as he doesn't seem to really understand that happiness comes from within, not from other people. Have you tried saying things to him like you sound unhappy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier. PP may be right. My ex was too cowardly to just divorce me, so he had an affair to make me divorce him. Maybe you are looking down the same path OP.

At the very least, start saving, and start exercising.

Why must she start exercising more? I suspect you're not recommending endorphins here but instead are recommending that she alter her appearance -- ironically, that's what mean husband wants too!

Based on my experience, it's alot easier to deal with divorce, and to date post divorce, if you are healthy and within a healthy weight range.

LOL. She is in a healthy weight range. Her BMI is 24.1, otherwise known as "normal".

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. My husband is doing the exact same thing to me. My guess is that it's not really an issue with the weight. They either just don't love us anymore and are using that as an excuse to be assholes, or maybe they are unhappy with themselves, so trying to make themselves feel better by insulting us. OP, how has your husband aged? Has he gained weight too?

My husband has told me that I've let myself go and that my looks disgust him now and it makes having sex with me very unpleasant. He says he is very unhappy in our marriage. I am only around 8 pounds heavier than I was before we married though (I'm 5'7"), but do have stretch marks and loose skin from being pregnant. He's also unhappy with my face because, surprise, I've aged a bit since 13 years ago and have some wrinkles around my eyes.

I know I don't look that bad, I still have men hitting on me, and I have not let myself go. I go to the gym and keep my appearances and dress up. It hurts so bad to hear some of the things he says about me. I've been trying to deal with it because a divorce would be extremely hard on my financially, and we also have a young child. Thankfully, he never insults me in front of our child or anyone else, he always makes sure no one else is around.


The funny/ironic thing is that he has gained over 30 pounds since we got married, gone bald, and his face has aged really badly (lots of wrinkles). He is almost 10 years younger than me, but people always think he's older.

I'm quite sure that in the future, if he is able to find a younger, hotter woman who wants him, he will leave me for her. I won't take it too hard though. He pretty much disgusts me now (not his change in looks, but how much of a shitty person he is inside). If he ever starts insulting me in front of our child, I know I'll have to take the initiative and leave, but for now, I'm just trying to hold our family together for our child's sake.

I wish I could give you some good advice OP, but I'm pretty lost too.

[Anonymous]

I would think the majority of husbands are not happily married, given how so many wives withhold sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. My husband is doing the exact same thing to me. My guess is that it's not really an issue with the weight. They either just don't love us anymore and are using that as an excuse to be assholes, or maybe they are unhappy with themselves, so trying to make themselves feel better by insulting us. OP, how has your husband aged? Has he gained weight too?

My husband has told me that I've let myself go and that my looks disgust him now and it makes having sex with me very unpleasant. He says he is very unhappy in our marriage. I am only around 8 pounds heavier than I was before we married though (I'm 5'7"), but do have stretch marks and loose skin from being pregnant. He's also unhappy with my face because, surprise, I've aged a bit since 13 years ago and have some wrinkles around my eyes.

I know I don't look that bad, I still have men hitting on me, and I have not let myself go. I go to the gym and keep my appearances and dress up. It hurts so bad to hear some of the things he says about me. I've been trying to deal with it because a divorce would be extremely hard on my financially, and we also have a young child. Thankfully, he never insults me in front of our child or anyone else, he always makes sure no one else is around.


The funny/ironic thing is that he has gained over 30 pounds since we got married, gone bald, and his face has aged really badly (lots of wrinkles). He is almost 10 years younger than me, but people always think he's older.

I'm quite sure that in the future, if he is able to find a younger, hotter woman who wants him, he will leave me for her. I won't take it too hard though. He pretty much disgusts me now (not his change in looks, but how much of a shitty person he is inside). If he ever starts insulting me in front of our child, I know I'll have to take the initiative and leave, but for now, I'm just trying to hold our family together for our child's sake.

I wish I could give you some good advice OP, but I'm pretty lost too.

I will tell you what you should do. Leave this man NOW. Do NOT wait. It's easier when the kid is young. I repeat, do not stay with this man. It's going to get worse and worse, and you will get more emotionally beaten down. You can do better. You need some help to see that he's horrible, and you seem to have low self-esteem that you need to strengthen. You owe it to yourself and your child to get out and get stronger. You will regret waiting. I promise, it never gets better.

And to OP, any man can have preferences, but no man should be allowed to be verbally abusive and put you down. The fact that he's finding fault with you physically, you who bore his children, who has a perfectly fine body that any man who truly loved you would accept, means that your husband is not happy with himself and his situation. He's putting all the blame on you. Do NOT accept this. Love yourself, and see that someone who loves you will not treat you badly. What's down the road when you get really saggy and old? It only gets worse. The kinds of things he's saying are things men say when they're not happy with themselves and where they are in life, and they usually are about to look for escape in a new woman, or they already are. Men tend to project their problems/anger/unhappiness outward, and often blame and act out and do stupid things in an attempt to "fix" their unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

OP let me hip you to what the general consensus is gonna be...
LEAVE!! DIVORCE!!
That's the default DCUM solution to just about every marital issue.

[Anonymous]

Op your bmi is 24. That is a normal weight. Pls do not get surgery. Your dh is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Please don't let your children grow up thinking that it is ok for them to accept this kind of behavior from another person. Particularly a spouse. I speak from experience and wish dearly that my mother had left my father years before he finally had an affair and she could no longer look the other way. Took some major therapy for all of us to get an understanding of how to be in a relationship. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is using an 18lb (1.5 size) clothing difference, at SIX FEET TALL, after two kids, as an excuse for something else. Honestly, he sounds like a dick.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's amazing that so many of these husbands have actually "let themselves go." What if you just said--hey dickhead, look in the mirror!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think the majority of husbands are not happily married, given how so many wives withhold sex.

]

this is usually the problem, not the weight.

if you feel good about yourself and actively engage in sex, the appearance or weight doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the majority of husbands are not happily married, given how so many wives withhold sex.

]

this is usually the problem, not the weight.

if you feel good about yourself and actively engage in sex, the appearance or weight doesn't matter.

OP here. because of the things he has said to me I have no desire to engage in sex with this man. since our "discussion" the other night I have been sleeping in the spare bedroom.

I do think he is incredibly stressed out at work and this is how he reacts by taking it out on me.