my husband is not happily married
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
my husband has made it clear that he is not happily married. from our discussions this is primarily due to my weight. i was 160lb 6ft when we met (size 8-10) and I am now a size 12 at 178lb. I carry most of the weight in my stomach. he is disgusted with my lack of resolve to lose it. we have two kids together 4 and 5 and i work full time in a demanding job as does he. we no longer have sex. he is no longer attracted to me, and thus does not want to have sex. per his reasoning this creates greater stress in his life and affects his work. i did no realize that i married someone so shallow, but perhaps this was because I weighed less at the time.
i do think that he takes his workplace stress out on me verbally and is borderline verbally abusive. i have been seeing a therapist for a couple months now. I have considered and am still considering divorce. He would prefer not to get divorced. HE thinks our problems would be solved if I lost the weight. He looking in to getting me a tummy tuck and lipo - but determined we could not afford it. According to him all men want a skinny wife and this would make his life happy. even if i did lose the weight i no longer want him to lay a finger on me. thanks for the vent. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is using an 18lb (1.5 size) clothing difference, at SIX FEET TALL, after two kids, as an excuse for something else. Honestly, he sounds like a dick. |
Anonymous
|
I'm one of those "never get divorced after you have kids" people -- but I say run from this worthless jerk. And get your kids far away from his toxic behavior. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I"m so sorry for you. I gained 20lbs since my DH and I got together, and I"m barely 5' tall, so you can imagine how much bigger I look now. 15lbs on someone your size is not that much. IDK if it's truly your weight or something else bothering him, but he does sound really shallow. I guess he doesn't realize that some women have a *much* harder time losing the baby weight than others. It just depends on the woman.
So he doesn't want divorce, doesn't think you can afford lipo/tummy tuck, but doesn't want to change. So, he just wants to be miserable in a miserable marriage, and make you and your kids' lives miserable. You probably know the answer to this but I suppose marriage counseling is your only other option. Or, you could lose the weight then dump his ass. |
Anonymous
| OP here. My husband's philosophy is that it could be worse. My philosophy is that it could be better. Why should i be with someone who is not happy with me as i am? |
Anonymous
| Agree with the PPs. Sounds like something else is going on and he's putting you down and making excuses. |
Anonymous
| Could he be having an affair? |
Anonymous
Yes, it could be worse, but if your marriage is sexless, then where is he getting his action? I assume he is not a eunuch. |
Anonymous
| Wow, OP, your husband really is a shallow scumbag. It's him who needs the therapy if he really thinks that a small change in the size of your midsection will actually be the source of all happiness for him. There is something seriously wrong with him, not you. There is NOTHING wrong with you. |
Anonymous
| I hope you divorce him, lose the weight and then hook up with someone younger, richer, less bald and kinder than he is. |
Anonymous
There's more to this story. Are you telling me that if I were to talk to him that he would echo the sentiments that you wrote? I am sure there is more to this. 18lbs on a 6ft body is really nothing. As a dad, he would be understandable about the weight esp with kids. I have two kids. I make a point to work out every day. My day starts at 430AM, ends at 930PM and I have a 5 and 6 year old. The SO cant take care of the kids due to work. But yeah, spare us the sorrowful story of woe. It is unfair on yourself especially to leave out important details. I think it is highly unlikely that a husband would feel this way. More likely that he is saying this with other issues that you are conveniently leaving out. |
Anonymous
|
Op, honestly this sounds like your husband is stressed and generally discontent and he has linked that incorrectly to your weight. If you had gained 100 pounds, maybe your weight would be an issue, but you haven't.
I don't think he is so much shallow as just completely unhappy and clueless as to the root of his unhappiness. Could he be depressed? That could explain the lack of sex drive, the negativity, the irritability, the low level anger. He could be unhappy about other aspects of the relationship - maybe he mentioned a few but you picked up on the weight one. Since this is a change from how he was before, I would look into what might be going on at a deeper level and get to the root of it. Would he be open to couples counseling? |
Anonymous
That is just as shallow as Ops DH. |
Anonymous
| I could have written the original post except I weigh 20 lbs more than when we married, 5'4 and size 12. I'm sure I act like a resentful b**ch toward my husband so that surely contributes to his dissatisfaction. |
Anonymous
|
OP your husband and this story sound EXACTLY like what I went through for years. Well, with the one difference is that I was a sahm by mutual decision while he moved us around the country to further his career.
Your spouse is deeply discontented for some other reason besides a dress size and is using you as a punching bag. DON'T stand for that -- whether you stay married or get divorced, you let him know those days are over. IME, this isn't going to get better. He's not going to "come around" -- so you need to take a steely eyed look at your nit-great options. Oh, and 20:33 "I wake up at 4 am and run a marathon" should go fuck himself. |