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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "my husband is not happily married"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel your pain. My husband is doing the exact same thing to me. My guess is that it's not really an issue with the weight. They either just don't love us anymore and are using that as an excuse to be assholes, or maybe they are unhappy with themselves, so trying to make themselves feel better by insulting us. OP, how has your husband aged? Has he gained weight too? My husband has told me that I've let myself go and that my looks disgust him now and it makes having sex with me very unpleasant. He says he is very unhappy in our marriage. I am only around 8 pounds heavier than I was before we married though (I'm 5'7"), but do have stretch marks and loose skin from being pregnant. He's also unhappy with my face because, surprise, I've aged a bit since 13 years ago and have some wrinkles around my eyes. I know I don't look that bad, I still have men hitting on me, and I have not let myself go. I go to the gym and keep my appearances and dress up. It hurts so bad to hear some of the things he says about me. I've been trying to deal with it because a divorce would be extremely hard on my financially, and we also have a young child. Thankfully, he never insults me in front of our child or anyone else, he always makes sure no one else is around. The funny/ironic thing is that he has gained over 30 pounds since we got married, gone bald, and his face has aged really badly (lots of wrinkles). He is almost 10 years younger than me, but people always think he's older. I'm quite sure that in the future, if he is able to find a younger, hotter woman who wants him, he will leave me for her. I won't take it too hard though. He pretty much disgusts me now (not his change in looks, but how much of a shitty person he is inside). If he ever starts insulting me in front of our child, I know I'll have to take the initiative and leave, but for now, I'm just trying to hold our family together for our child's sake. I wish I could give you some good advice OP, but I'm pretty lost too. [/quote] I will tell you what you should do. Leave this man NOW. Do NOT wait. It's easier when the kid is young. I repeat, do not stay with this man. It's going to get worse and worse, and you will get more emotionally beaten down. You can do better. You need some help to see that he's horrible, and you seem to have low self-esteem that you need to strengthen. You owe it to yourself and your child to get out and get stronger. You will regret waiting. I promise, it never gets better. And to OP, any man can have preferences, but no man should be allowed to be verbally abusive and put you down. The fact that he's finding fault with you physically, you who bore his children, who has a perfectly fine body that any man who truly loved you would accept, means that your husband is not happy with himself and his situation. He's putting all the blame on you. Do NOT accept this. Love yourself, and see that someone who loves you will not treat you badly. What's down the road when you get really saggy and old? It only gets worse. The kinds of things he's saying are things men say when they're not happy with themselves and where they are in life, and they usually are about to look for escape in a new woman, or they already are. Men tend to project their problems/anger/unhappiness outward, and often blame and act out and do stupid things in an attempt to "fix" their unhappiness. [/quote]
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