Test results came back positive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I thought was a run of the mill yeast infection turned out positive for an std. I've been monogamous and married for 10 yrs, together for 12. We have been quite detached and I've been unhappy but this has really taken me by surprise. We share a child who is 5. What would you do? My DH is generally dismissive and in denial on most things so I imagine he'll gaslit me and deny it when I broach the topic. It's a nightmare to think of co parenting and sharing my time with my child. Can I ask him to move out? Should I call a divorce lawyer before even bringing it up? There is no chance of reconciliation as far as im concerned.

And to preempt what I know at least one person will say, yes I know and am aware I need to now get a full panel std test. Believe me, I know.

Get checked for herpes. Assess your financial situation: perhaps, it's better to open marriage and both of you dating vs a divorce. Housing is insane, and your child will be torn between 2 households.

How old are you OP?

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. I'm assuming your doctor was able to explain whether the STI is one that incubates or not, you don't need DCUM to do it.

Agree with the people who say you should talk to an attorney. If you want to put the screws to him, my understanding is if you contact the best attorneys in the area and have an initial meeting then he can't use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the std

Different poster. Why does it matter?

HPV could be from >12 years ago

Exactly. I got it when I was 25 from a fling, way before marriage and before the vaccine. Treated it, then it went into remission. Has returned twice and gone away twice on its own. Has come out of remission when I am under extreme stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I'm assuming your doctor was able to explain whether the STI is one that incubates or not, you don't need DCUM to do it.

Agree with the people who say you should talk to an attorney. If you want to put the screws to him, my understanding is if you contact the best attorneys in the area and have an initial meeting then he can't use them.

The initial consult with the best attorneys of the area is over $500 an hour. Not sure it's worth it just so he can't use them. Unless it's a high asset divorce...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

lol, when I was a teenager, my friend got pubic crabs from her boyfriend. He told her he got them at the beach. lol, she believed him until us girls educated her.

[Anonymous]

I asked that question but the nurse (it wasn't a doc) said the chances of that are just really, really slim. I think that theory is pretty close to just false hope. But appreciate the optimism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly raising a child in this area is so expensive and time consuming and the amount of men available that you'd want around you with a 5 year old are so small. Some woman was just killed meeting up with someone on OLD this week. I would just stay married and not sleep with him anymore. Raise your daughter and just have a platonic relationship. There doesn't seem to be a reason to divorce other than this idea that you could remarry and it's just not worth it with a kid that young. When they are driving age maybe.

This is horrible advice. She should not stay with him.

Can she afford not to for another 15 years of her child's life? How about daughter issues with not having a dad around or the teen years when it's just mom and her? She doesn't need to stay with him as a complete married couple with sex, but losing a husband and dad and having no control over raising your daughter half the time or the money in raising and living is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the std

Different poster. Why does it matter?

NP here,

There are STD's that can be dormant for long periods of time, and others where symptoms show up immediately. There are also STD's that can only be passed through sex, and others that can be transmitted other ways. So, knowing whether this STD means that he definitely had an affair, or that he might have had an affair, would make a difference in OP's response.

This. And, honestly, BV is different from HIV.

BV is not an STD.

[Anonymous]

It can also not be worth it legal fees and what might come out of a settlement if the STD is able to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-:maybe this will suffice. I did a full std panel when I was pregnant 6 yrs ago

This does not suffice. What the above poster said is true, the actual type infection in question matters. Not all are STDs, not all are spread exclusively through sex, and you can have something that lies dormant for a long time and even test negative for it only to have it recur later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol. Time for legal action. Good luck.

What's funny about this exactly? Not only has OP's world turned upside down in terms of her marriage but she's now dealing with a health concern. You are a sick individual.

lots of people have this issue. Courts don't necessarily care.

[Anonymous]

I found out my now XH had cheated when I got a bacterial infection. I’d had a suspicion and he admitted it once confronted. I’d never ever had a BV before. My doctor indicated that it’s not uncommon for married women to catch their husbands cheating that way. Something about a change that your body can detect.

I’m sorry OP. Start compiling your financial information and talk to a lawyer (talk to several, he won’t be able to use the ones you talk to) before you let on that you know. Hopefully the std can be cleared with antibiotics.

[Anonymous]

Would chat with an attorney and then have a chat with DH. If that doesn’t work or go over than it doesn’t matter why or how you got the STD, be done with DH. He doesn’t deserve you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out my now XH had cheated when I got a bacterial infection. I’d had a suspicion and he admitted it once confronted. I’d never ever had a BV before. My doctor indicated that it’s not uncommon for married women to catch their husbands cheating that way. Something about a change that your body can detect.

I’m sorry OP. Start compiling your financial information and talk to a lawyer (talk to several, he won’t be able to use the ones you talk to) before you let on that you know. Hopefully the std can be cleared with antibiotics.

Same, I got my first ever UTI and then first BV 6 months later. I'm embarrassed to say it never clicked (I thought something changed after having kids) but a year later I found out he was cheating during that time. It is so disgusting and violating. I'm really sorry OP.