Need advice dealing with angry, bitter wife.
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Anonymous
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It is hard for a parent with a personality disorder to deal with children, let alone teenagers. I say that as a grown child of a mother w/a personality disorder. She isnt diagnosed--she thinks she is just fine and has no need to see a therapist. She has been divorced twice and has basically no friends...clearly she isn't fine as she can't maintain a relationship (for starters). She is my mom so obviously I love her, and sadly have spent the better part of 35 years expecting her to change.
She used to spank the crap out of me when I was a kid because she would snap and couldnt control her anger. I still remember the pink hairbrush she used to spank me with. Of course, she denies this. My dad tried to do what he could...he said that he knew within 6 months that he made a mistake marrying her but he is a very loyal man. He didn't leave her until I was in elementary school. He fought for custody of me for many years until he finally got it, after she put me in a mental hospital for teens after I ran away from home. This was the mid 90s, when troubled teens were being institutionalized for things like back-talking their parents. Of course, even after she had me hospitalized along with the other high schoolers who tried drinking a few times or skipped school, she was my mom so I loved her and wanted to be with her. Yep, kids with parents like this have a very wierd relationship with them. Yet she is also a very lovely person, very professinoally accomlished, does a lot of volunteer work, and admmired by many acquantances (it is the friendships that can't last). Wierd, huh? If this post really is true, which I tend to believe that it is, I feel for the children and teh husband. I suspect that it is real, as my mom would have tped exactly what this woman did. Bitch about a dresser and normal teenage activity and paint herself to be awesome and giving and a saint. |
Anonymous
Nice try, Nancy Drew. |
There's a fool on every thread.
Anonymous
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I am at my wits end! How in the hell am I supposed to be a loving, caring and nurturing husband to the woman I love so badly, if she constantly PissedOff with me or the world. I've gone through PMS and PPMS. Post partum syndrome. And just plain 'ol bitchiness. If I treated her like this, she could divorce me for mental anguish and take the kids. But I have to put up with this crap. Our children is the main reason I stick it out. Before, I get blasted for saying this, I haven't cheated on my wife. I not going to lie. I would enjoy being with someone who did not break my balls every freaking day.
We have been to counseling and she has taken meds. She seems happier when everyone else is miserable. The holidays are worse. She misses her family. But we see them all the freak'n time. We have to establish our own holiday traditions. I'm more or less venting. She knows how I feel and don't give a damn. I don't want to lose her but I think she is losing me. 
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Anonymous
| I had the mom you describe and I was the oldest child with much younger siblings. DM was cruel beyond belief but justified her behavior citing how she was wronged by me, her husband, all those around her--much like DW in her post above. Everyone, literally everyone, except her could see how mentally illl she was but said and did nothing to stand up to her or help her. I recommend setting very, very firm boundaries (cruelty and demoralizing DD is unacceptable ever), get your older daughter and yourself counseling, and read a book called "Walking on Eggshells." |
Anonymous
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OP, would it kill you and DW to admit that maybe you're overloaded? Maybe you have too much in your life going on to sustain a healthy relationship? Really, you are going at each other like rats in a cage and it's not healthy for your kids. You both need to put on your grown up panties and start, at a minimum, acting civilly and realizing that you dug this hole together. Hate does not fix problems; I understand that you're venting, but I also know that it's really, really easy to fall into a pattern of just throwing your hands up and saying 'there's nothing I can do'. I also think that a big part of this is just plain incompatibility; maybe not permanently, but probably right now.
Sounds like your options are: 1) GOOD counselor(s) who helps you both deal with your anger better, 2) trial separation, or 3) An adults-only vaca to try and uncover the relationship you had before kids, and/or 4) a BIG life change that will improve your quality of life (moving closer to family, one of you reducing work hours, etc.) If you both won't commit 100% to making it work, though, then that will narrow your options. You need to have a grown-up conversation about what you both want to do. |
Anonymous
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OP's wife, I knew what the real deal was before you even posted because women don't get "bitter" without a good reason. Your husband loves the good lifestyle you provide but will only step it up if you basically go psychotic. Our situation is not nearly as severe but DH and I go through the same pattern periodically.
This is wrong, but it really makes me feel good that you are tearing him a new one. I feel like marriage is a conspiracy to enslave women. The husband never tells you he will be self-centered and lazy before "I do." Then the kids come and you gradually realize, to your horror, that you are destined to be his unappreciated servant forever unless you make drastic changes. |
Anonymous
| 11:48....are you the OP of this Year old thread? |
Anonymous
| Nice excuse for sock puppetry--claiming to be both the "DW" & "DH/OP", thus having a built-in excuse for using the same IP address and other mysterious tracking techniques that Jsteele uses to monitor threads... |
Anonymous
| Nice excuse for sock puppetry--claiming to be both the "DW" & "DH/OP", thus having a built-in excuse for using the same IP address and other mysterious tracking techniques that Jsteele uses to monitor threads... |
Anonymous
I am not the OP. I may have used "at my wits end" like the OP but this a new dude, with the same problem.Like some women who seemed to have similar issues with their mate, so do men. I'm not out to demean any fair and civill minded lady. It just that, I can't make my DW aware on how she is destroying our family. I am by no means, perfect. But to go on like it is ok to orally abuse me in front of our kids or in public because you are not in a good mood, is too much. I need good advise. That's it! |
Anonymous
| No such thing as an angry, bitter wife. Just DH's that makes us that way. |
Anonymous
| Bitches be crazy.Bazinga! |
Anonymous
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New poster here -- but with a similar experience:
DW just lost it after our DC's birth. Anger, paranoia, delusional thinking and depression. Sometimes mild. Sometime spikes up. Extremely poor decision making ability. Refuses to go to doctors. Absolute NO on medications. Never recovered. Probably never will. And no, its not about me not sharing the chores. I do. We have plenty of help, including a live-in nanny. No affairs, no other standard crap. DC is 7 now. DW just keeps getting angrier and more erratic. Projects on to everyone else. According to her: I am the angry one and 7 year old DC needs psychological help and it is everyone else that is depressed. DW has terrible sleep habits. Cannot fall asleep. Makes everything much worse. Refuses to take sleeping pills. Desperately hanging in there for DC's sake. |
Anonymous
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Why bipolar? Crazy?? When you become a parent especially a mother you lose alot. Time peace especially after labor. Im the same way. I have four kids. I dont think im bitter or angry. Im exhausted!!! You try pushing a baby out after some 8hr or more. Lets keep it real the recovery time for post should be a year.
So instead of thinking all the medical b.s. help watch the kids..pick up a broom sponge... Let her have a spa day once a week. We just want a break from motherhood. Come on cause its not only the kids she cooking n cleaning for |
Anonymous
| So pp you tell your kids you don't love them and they hide in their room crying and you think that's just a result of being tired? I'm a working mom of three and your pity party above doesn't work with me. |