Need advice dealing with angry, bitter wife.
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Anonymous
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Wow, sometimes it feels that we are alone when we go through this. I am a 39 year old dad and husband. I love my wife. I adore my children. I googled how to deal with a bitter wife and i got this page. My wife of 15 years seems to be lately always either depressed or bitter towards me. We have read through Chapman's book, "The 5 Love languages" twice. We identified each others love language. However, she still rejects my love language because she thinks it's silly. She is intellectually minded first and emotional second. She thinks of logical solutions for common sense problems. I am the sole bread winner of the house as she maintains the order of the house. I try not to bring that up. Sometimes during an argument it does. After working and being away from home 10 hours a day, i come home and try to help out by doing dishes, cooking dinner, taking out trash, getting the kids ready for bed, asking her if she needs anything. She says I don't do enough. She does the laundry and asks me why I didn't fold clothes. I try not to argue because it just makes things worse, and like you, she gets worse. Lately, she has been more bitter towards me and I finally got her to open up with why. She said its because i am absent minded and forget alot of things. We are remodeling our home and finishing up the kitchen. We finished the floor and I was putting back the stove, dish washer and plugging it all up. I was able to reinstall the DW and run two loads of dishes. I get a call at work the next day annd she asked if i turned the gas on to the stove. I replied, I believe so. I know we plugged into the wall for electric, (my son helped) and tightened down the gas line. I guess i forgot to turn on the gas from the valve. Well, that did it. Even though I worked to get the kitchen clean and put things back, all that was forgot because I forgot to turn on the valve when all she had to do was pull out the oven, turn the valve on and replace oven. HELP! (oh yeah, no sex life either) She doesn't sleep well and is not a morning person.
I feel your pain, brother. Now, I try to maintain the relationship and figure a way to heal. Prayer helps but she needs it too. Try to talk with her about her bitterness and she either clams up or gets more angry and compares life. Any suggestions? |
Anonymous
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OP (and PP, I guess), please protect your kids from this as a first priority. Sorry to be harsh, but this is only different in degree (so far) from a battered woman who allows her kids to be abused too. Be sure that to the degree that you do not firmly and consistently intervene to protect them, they feel alone and believe that you endorse your wife's behavior to some degree.
After taking care of that, hopefully you can save your wife and your marriage. Others gave lot of good advice on that. |
Anonymous
| I am not a relationship book person, but just read How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about it. You two need some therapy, but also need some serious understanding of yourselves and each other. PLEASE for the sake of your children- it helps you understand them as well, get this book. |
Anonymous
| This is an old thread, but 08:51 your wife has mental health issues, clearly. Of course, we are only getting your side, but would she agree to see a counselor? She may need medication, and if the counselor felt that was the case, he or she could refer her for psychiatric follow up. |
Anonymous
| Your wife needs help. And she isn't going to listen to you, she's only going to hear it from someone else. Right now, you and YOUR children are paying the price for this. You need to get .out to someone |
Anonymous
Actually, we're not just getting one side. Did you read through the thread? |
Anonymous
| YEAH... Did NO ONE notice that DH and DW were on here? WTF? |
Anonymous
yeah i noticed but honestly what the DW had to say made her sound so freaking batsh$% CRAZY that i thought it spoke for itself. no comment needed. she's obviously off her rocker - esp the bitching about having to put together a dresser yadda yadda, as if she was FORCED to do that. she needs help for sure. i feel bad for her family, esp the 3 kids. they're going to grow up with a massive load of guilt no matter what happens |
Anonymous
This. And this "What hurts me the most with my daughter is how mean she is towards me" - she learned it from MOM |
Anonymous
| This assumes, of course that it was DW who posted. |
Anonymous
Faux. |
Anonymous
| Interesting posts by OP and - possibly - his wife. Linguistic features of OPs post suggest he is being, as she suggests, manipulative and deceitful. Her post is problematic, too, for different reasons. My best advice: if you are really the wife of OP, you are dealing with a significant and problematic relationship dynamic. You need to begin counseling with an experienced therapist in order to develop a better understanding of this dynamic and to learn how to respond to it, not in a knee-jerk reaction sort of way, but, instead, in a constructive, I-value-myself-even-if-my-DH-doesn't way. |
Anonymous
Linguistic features?  There's a fool on every thread.
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Anonymous
Hello there, OP. |
Anonymous
| Assuming this thread is not a troll, as DH and DW have similar writing styles, I have to say, DW has a personality disorder. read up on borderline personality disorder. DH is manipulative. I strongly suggest therapy |