Don't get fat and happy just because you've been married for over 20 years.

[Anonymous]

"If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, not caring about appearance is exactly what we need to do. "

I'm a feminist, but not a lesbian, and I do not believe this. I believe that caring about one's appearance is totally normal and natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, not caring about appearance is exactly what we need to do. "

I'm a feminist, but not a lesbian, and I do not believe this. I believe that caring about one's appearance is totally normal and natural.

I meant caring about other women's appearance as an indicator of their value. Of course we should all care about our own appearance as much or as little as we choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:25 -
right or wrong, it matters how you look. you don't have to be pretty or thin, but if you want to be taken seriously, you do need to look like you care about yourself.
You can have all the self esteem in the world, but if you look like a frump, you will be treated like a frump......
Sorry.

Yeah, I notice that John Sununu gets treated like a frump all the time.

[Anonymous]

Obviously not talking about men who look like frumps.
Unfortunately, different rules.
50-year old professional woman here who attempts to stay in shape, get a decent haircut and not sport a mustache.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, not caring about appearance is exactly what we need to do. "

I'm a feminist, but not a lesbian, and I do not believe this. I believe that caring about one's appearance is totally normal and natural.

Excuse me but you're a moron if you think that it's lesbian to not care about one's appearance. And a bigot. FWIW my lesbian daughter cares a whole lot more about her appearance than I, her straight mom, care about mine. You're ignorant.

[Anonymous]

People on this thread are confusing the notion of taking care of oneself for personal well-being, versus taking care of oneself so one's husband won't cheat. Mrs. Petraeus is probably a terrific person who was raised to be self-sacrificing. She clearly did not treat herself to an exercise routine and beauty regimen. NOT to keep hubby from cheating but because she deserves to look as great as she is, for her own sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously not talking about men who look like frumps.
Unfortunately, different rules.
50-year old professional woman here who attempts to stay in shape, get a decent haircut and not sport a mustache.....

My kind of woman.

[Anonymous]

Like others here I was overweight when I met my husband, have stayed overweight (although have lost 40 lbs in the last two years thanks to FINALLY getting treatment for a thyroid problem), and am overweight now.

However.

When the gray hair started coming in, I dyed it. My husband started going to the gym more, I went with him and figured out I actually liked it, so even overweight, my body has shape and some definition. We also can talk about our workouts which is a nice way to stay connected, and he sees that I do care and am trying. I still wear my contacts. I try to take care of my skin. I try to keep up with what younger people my shape are wearing and update my wardrobe.

Sometimes I get tired of doing this. But it's either this, or the slow slide into grandma-ville and I do think that can cause problems in a marriage. Like it or not, there are a lot of younger, attractive women out there, more every day. Yes, husbands should have some sense of loyalty and not cheat because the option is there. However, as others have said, men are men. They aren't women, and they never will be. I also know very attractive women who have been cheated on, but in every case that was a function of the fact that they had shut down intimate relations several years prior.

Holly is probably a very lovely and supportive person but my grandma didn't look that matronly when she was in her seventies. We're Texas women and "keeping yourself up" into your eighties and nineties is assumed. If my dear Grandma was still alive, she would say of Holly, "oh, bless her heart, but..." and as sexist, anti-feminist, looks-focused and insensitive as it is, I would agree with her.

This is going to sound harsh. But remember that Sex and the City episode, when Samantha's hair "down there" starts coming in gray? And she tells Carrie, "no one wants to f--- Grandma's p----?"

Yeah. That.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like others here I was overweight when I met my husband, have stayed overweight (although have lost 40 lbs in the last two years thanks to FINALLY getting treatment for a thyroid problem), and am overweight now.

However.

When the gray hair started coming in, I dyed it. My husband started going to the gym more, I went with him and figured out I actually liked it, so even overweight, my body has shape and some definition. We also can talk about our workouts which is a nice way to stay connected, and he sees that I do care and am trying. I still wear my contacts. I try to take care of my skin. I try to keep up with what younger people my shape are wearing and update my wardrobe.

Sometimes I get tired of doing this. But it's either this, or the slow slide into grandma-ville and I do think that can cause problems in a marriage. Like it or not, there are a lot of younger, attractive women out there, more every day. Yes, husbands should have some sense of loyalty and not cheat because the option is there. However, as others have said, men are men. They aren't women, and they never will be. I also know very attractive women who have been cheated on, but in every case that was a function of the fact that they had shut down intimate relations several years prior.

Holly is probably a very lovely and supportive person but my grandma didn't look that matronly when she was in her seventies. We're Texas women and "keeping yourself up" into your eighties and nineties is assumed. If my dear Grandma was still alive, she would say of Holly, "oh, bless her heart, but..." and as sexist, anti-feminist, looks-focused and insensitive as it is, I would agree with her.

This is going to sound harsh. But remember that Sex and the City episode, when Samantha's hair "down there" starts coming in gray? And she tells Carrie, "no one wants to f--- Grandma's p----?"

Yeah. That.

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

"Holly is probably a very lovely and supportive person but my grandma didn't look that matronly when she was in her seventies. We're Texas women and "keeping yourself up" into your eighties and nineties is assumed. If my dear Grandma was still alive, she would say of Holly, "oh, bless her heart, but..." and as sexist, anti-feminist, looks-focused and insensitive as it is, I would agree with her."

Texas ranks #15 on the obesity scale for this country.

"This is going to sound harsh. But remember that Sex and the City episode, when Samantha's hair "down there" starts coming in gray? And she tells Carrie, "no one wants to f--- Grandma's p----?"

So, you dye your pubic hair, or shave it?

[Anonymous]

News to me. My widowed mom just fell in love and it's kind of amazing how much action she's getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are confusing the notion of taking care of oneself for personal well-being, versus taking care of oneself so one's husband won't cheat. Mrs. Petraeus is probably a terrific person who was raised to be self-sacrificing. She clearly did not treat herself to an exercise routine and beauty regimen. NOT to keep hubby from cheating but because she deserves to look as great as she is, for her own sake.

This I can support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, not caring about appearance is exactly what we need to do. "

I'm a feminist, but not a lesbian, and I do not believe this. I believe that caring about one's appearance is totally normal and natural.

Excuse me but you're a moron if you think that it's lesbian to not care about one's appearance. And a bigot. FWIW my lesbian daughter cares a whole lot more about her appearance than I, her straight mom, care about mine. You're ignorant.

We're talking butches here, not femmes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like others here I was overweight when I met my husband, have stayed overweight (although have lost 40 lbs in the last two years thanks to FINALLY getting treatment for a thyroid problem), and am overweight now.

However.

When the gray hair started coming in, I dyed it. My husband started going to the gym more, I went with him and figured out I actually liked it, so even overweight, my body has shape and some definition. We also can talk about our workouts which is a nice way to stay connected, and he sees that I do care and am trying. I still wear my contacts. I try to take care of my skin. I try to keep up with what younger people my shape are wearing and update my wardrobe.

Sometimes I get tired of doing this. But it's either this, or the slow slide into grandma-ville and I do think that can cause problems in a marriage. Like it or not, there are a lot of younger, attractive women out there, more every day. Yes, husbands should have some sense of loyalty and not cheat because the option is there. However, as others have said, men are men. They aren't women, and they never will be. I also know very attractive women who have been cheated on, but in every case that was a function of the fact that they had shut down intimate relations several years prior.

Holly is probably a very lovely and supportive person but my grandma didn't look that matronly when she was in her seventies. We're Texas women and "keeping yourself up" into your eighties and nineties is assumed. If my dear Grandma was still alive, she would say of Holly, "oh, bless her heart, but..." and as sexist, anti-feminist, looks-focused and insensitive as it is, I would agree with her.

This is going to sound harsh. But remember that Sex and the City episode, when Samantha's hair "down there" starts coming in gray? And she tells Carrie, "no one wants to f--- Grandma's p----?"

Yeah. That.

your story doesnt apply. your husband met you "fat" so he knew what he was getting into.

this isnt about fat. its about appearance. im going to guess that if you got fatter than when your husband first met you, he wouldnt be hype for you. thats not to say he would cheat, just that you arent doing any "upkeep" by letting yourself go and getting fatter.

i still stand by what i said a while back that this is not the end all to promising that your spouse isnt going to cheat on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, not caring about appearance is exactly what we need to do. "

I'm a feminist, but not a lesbian, and I do not believe this. I believe that caring about one's appearance is totally normal and natural.

Excuse me but you're a moron if you think that it's lesbian to not care about one's appearance. And a bigot. FWIW my lesbian daughter cares a whole lot more about her appearance than I, her straight mom, care about mine. You're ignorant.

We're talking butches here, not femmes.

So all lesbians can be divided into butches and femmes? And all butches don't care about their appearance? Still ignorant.