I just don't like my husband anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my husband either he gets on my damn nerves most of the time when I'm talking he tells me I'm being disrespectful today a guy outside the mcd sees him telling me I'm disrespectful for asking him where he going when where waiting for a cab the guy checked him on his bs but this is everyday he tells me he tired of me too then get mad when i tell him i don't like him either he thinks bc his 4 damn near 5 younger than me that ain't nobody gonna want me news flash I'm only 30

You should dump him while you're young. You could do a LOT better.

You know it's bad when random strangers are getting involved...

[Anonymous]

OP,

Thanks for posting your original post and your two updates. I found your first update a bit comforting b/c you admitted that you still weren't attracted to him. I really appreciated your second update b/c you also mentioned things were rocky again and that other friends also were not happy in their marriages either.

I could echo pretty much a lot of what you said in your original post. I have a husband who is a wonderful dad and is a good person, etc., but my skin crawls at the thought of having sex with him. It's probably b/c of all this anger that I have. I didn't realize before I married him that he's not just a shy, quiet guy. He doesn't process things the way most people do, so talking to him is soooo frustrating. You can't have a normal conversation with him. I know friends /acquaintances of ours think he has Asperger's or something. His failure to process things the way most people do has severely hindered our relationship. For example, he doesn't understand how his mother's rude behavior has seriously undermined our marriage. I still hold extreme anger for the way he has failed to step up in that regard. The worst thing is that I recently realized he wasn't doing this on purpose (i.e., trying to deny it or something the way most people might) but couldn't ever understand. It's then that I realized he's incapable of understanding how most people would feel about something, and therefore, doesn't act in remotely appropriately for a given situation.

I love my children dearly, but life is so damn lonely when you're married to someone who cannot relate to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my husband either he gets on my damn nerves most of the time when I'm talking he tells me I'm being disrespectful today a guy outside the mcd sees him telling me I'm disrespectful for asking him where he going when where waiting for a cab the guy checked him on his bs but this is everyday he tells me he tired of me too then get mad when i tell him i don't like him either he thinks bc his 4 damn near 5 younger than me that ain't nobody gonna want me news flash I'm only 30

You might want to learn sentence structure.

[Anonymous]

No offense, but why the fuck did you bring kids into this? How lame. I have no respect for people who know their relationship isn't working but keep popping kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No offense, but why the fuck did you bring kids into this? How lame. I have no respect for people who know their relationship isn't working but keep popping kids.

No offense, but why the fuck do people make useless comments after the fact. How lame. And fwiw, things in OP's marriage were fine until the first kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm a husband, and this doesn't directly involve me, but damn, my wife's sister just announced she is leaving her husband and in trying to get everyone to understand, has said essentially this exact same thing: "I just don't love him anymore. He is a good father, nice guy and a solid provider, but he is never going to be the man I love" or something to that effect. Same deal in terms of age, stage of marriage, etc. Apparently not uncommon.

I'm divorced (this is my second marriage) so I don't pass judgement and I know perfectly well that nobody except for the two people in it, knows what is going on in a marriage. People said to me they were shocked when my wife and I split up (I left); I was honestly stunned they couldn't see it. But none of us really saw this coming either. Meh.

[Anonymous]

OP have you had your hormones checked for an imbalance?
Maybe something is going on chemically for you to "not like" a charming handsome wealthy man that is a good father and so on. I think I read that you have two young babies. The hormones can be rough and can skew our perceptions and gratitude.

[Anonymous]

It's been over a year and we probably had sex less than 5 times[code]

LOL, I'd be happy as punch with sex that often. That's more often annually than probably 20 yrs of my marriage. It does give me more thought about what has been going on though. I thought she loved me all this time. Your post now makes me feel that she doesn't and that would explain the lack of sex ......................................

[Anonymous]

Please paste your marriage vows here and I'll tell you what to do.

[Anonymous]

My soon to be ex DW told our young kids tonite that mommy and daddy are getting divorced. DW is another one these women looking for the elusive holy grail of happiness that must be with someone else. For her to be happy she must crap on as many people as possible. I mean is there some virus that turns once thoughtful caring females into self absorbed narsicists ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My soon to be ex DW told our young kids tonite that mommy and daddy are getting divorced. DW is another one these women looking for the elusive holy grail of happiness that must be with someone else. For her to be happy she must crap on as many people as possible. I mean is there some virus that turns once thoughtful caring females into self absorbed narsicists ?

It is almost never just one person's fault when a marriage goes bad. When I hear people blame their spouse 100%, it screams "playing the victim."

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's just an Eat, Pray, Love situation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eat,_Pray,_Love

[Anonymous]

To the poster upthread who asked why a woman would leave a good provider, etc. just because she didn't feel love, here's the thing: Most of us women no longer marry because we need "three hots and a cot." I am more than capable of buying my own house, paying my own mortgage, supporting my kids. The idea that any guy in this day and age would say that that's all he needs to bring to the table is ridiculous. Why don't you think about what your value added is? What else are you bringing to the table that perhaps I can't provide for myself? It might be kind words, a helping hand, emotional support. Just like a guy feels like he's just a paycheck and it's not enough and that's why he's outta there, a lot of women ask themselves, "Is this really all there is?" Yes, when the economy changed and women became more empowered, it meant that men now have to up their game. You're going to have to work a little harder now. Just paying the bills is no longer enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the poster upthread who asked why a woman would leave a good provider, etc. just because she didn't feel love, here's the thing: Most of us women no longer marry because we need "three hots and a cot." I am more than capable of buying my own house, paying my own mortgage, supporting my kids. The idea that any guy in this day and age would say that that's all he needs to bring to the table is ridiculous. Why don't you think about what your value added is? What else are you bringing to the table that perhaps I can't provide for myself? It might be kind words, a helping hand, emotional support. Just like a guy feels like he's just a paycheck and it's not enough and that's why he's outta there, a lot of women ask themselves, "Is this really all there is?" Yes, when the economy changed and women became more empowered, it meant that men now have to up their game. You're going to have to work a little harder now. Just paying the bills is no longer enough.

This post is just dishonest. You flag the provider item then bury the other qualities the PP mentioned under an "etc." Then you argue against a proposition that no one was making -- that whether a man is a provider ought to be the sole criteria for whether a wife stays or leaves.

The PP said the guy was a "good father, nice guy and a solid provider." So, when you talk about the only thing the husband is bringing to the table is being a provider, you are leaving out that the guy is a good father and a nice guy. Is that enough? In this case, obviously not. Should it be enough? Opinions differ. But no one is talking about just being a provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I saw my old thread revived a month ago and wanted to give an update to anyone who is interested.

I had some health problems and DH was there by my side at the hospital. My parents required assistance and DH stepped up. I have grown up and now realize that marriage is not all passion and excitement. It was childish of me to think that our love had faded. I can't remember all the details I shared on this thread but DH is physically attractive, smart and very successful. Best of all, DH is a fabulous hands on father. My kids adore him and I am glad that I stayed for the sake of our children.

Sleep deprivation made me into a total bitch. I essentially had not slept well for about 5 years. Now that I am getting a good night sleep most nights, I am a new person. The boys now play together and I no longer have to spend every waking minute catering to them. DH did acknowledge that he had no time to focus on me after working FT and being a dad. I have accepted this and am fine with it. We have much better communication.

As others have advised on this thread, the first years of parenthood are tough but I now feel closer to DH than ever. I'm still not that attracted to him but I at least like him as a friend. I used to be so irritated him by every move that he made. Our children mean everything to us and I would not trade our family for a potential spark that would eventually fade. I am assuming the way I felt for the past few years is why many people probably have affairs. I am glad I did not and kept our family in tact.

I'm so happy for you all. Good luck.