What has a lack of sex done to you?

[Anonymous]

Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least

Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol

I am in a similar situation. I love my husband but the sex is not that great and has gotten worse over time . And yes the guys I dated before him were jerks but the sex was great . I’ve tried to be very direct in what I want in the bedroom but it doesn’t get me anywhere .

Same here. I think it's common but not discussed for perimenopausal women to lose enough of their sex drive so that unsatisfying sex with their partner just isn't enough to overcome the lack of hormone driven urges anymore. What makes it extra hard is that once you've been with someone for 10-20+ years, you've already tried to communicate, teach, etc. and have probably just given up and settled with what you've got. So the dissatisfaction seems to come out of nowhere for the partner, but it's really nothing new from the woman's perspective. It's hard for both partners, and I really don't know how to fix it.

[Anonymous]

A year of bad sex is a lot better than a year of no sex. My husband, who I love, is not the best I've ever had but at times he can leave me shaking. I just have to live with the other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least

Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol

I am in a similar situation. I love my husband but the sex is not that great and has gotten worse over time . And yes the guys I dated before him were jerks but the sex was great . I’ve tried to be very direct in what I want in the bedroom but it doesn’t get me anywhere .

And the sex likely wouldnt be that great with the loser/jerks after X years either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.

I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.

Thank you both for sharing. I can't tell you how much this has opened my eyes.

Really? What did you not already know?

[Anonymous]

Is your friend Michael Scott, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Ewwww.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

Nope. That was not my experience at all. My longtime ex gave it to me and I was 3 for 3 after we broke up. Number 3 is now my DH. Didn’t give it to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.

I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.

+1000000. I love him and we have a family but no longer feel the same way I once did. He taught me I can’t turn to him for sex. I’m on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Ewwww.

You think getting tested for STIs is gross?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Ewwww.

???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

Nope. That was not my experience at all. My longtime ex gave it to me and I was 3 for 3 after we broke up. Number 3 is now my DH. Didn’t give it to anyone.

It’s your experience. There are plenty of online resources where you can find different feedback from women. Men don’t want to continue dating if she discloses HSV2 in most cases. When it’s early in the relationship and nobody knows if it becomes LTR, people think it’s not the risk worth taking. It pretty much ends free dating for women (add to this middle age when pickings are slim already!)