What has a lack of sex done to you?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We had marriage problems for awhile and DH declined to have sex with me.

It made me insane. I was late 30s and couldn’t imagine that this was the end of my sex life. I cried a lot. I eventually engaged in an emotional affair but cut it off because I realized I would rather divorce my husband than lose my integrity. The other man made me feel alive again. My husband and I eventually worked things out. Years ago I would have been very judgmental of someone who committed adultery but having been through the experience I had I don’t judge anyone who makes a bad decision when they have that kind of lonely desperation. It makes you nuts.


I wrote this and I also just realized… the “bad period” made me fall out of love with my husband. Before, he was the only man in the world to me. After he rejected me for a number of years, that was no longer the case. After we reconciled, I still love him, but it is not the same. I can see myself moving on and living my life without him, and having a positive life too. It is sort of sad, to lose that, and I would warn anyone who feels depriving their spouse of sex is not a big deal. It could destroy their love for you.


Thank you both for sharing. I can't tell you how much this has opened my eyes.
Anonymous
Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.



Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?


Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.


I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.


Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.




Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.


So the herpes was from you being safe?


Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.


I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.


So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698


This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?


https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least



I get that you’ve tried talking to your DH, but without getting too explicit what is it that the other guy was doing that DH isn’t doing and why isn’t DH doing it? I’m just trying to wrap my head around knowing what I want from someone and having them not being willing to give it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.



Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?


Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.


I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.


Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.




Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.


So the herpes was from you being safe?


Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.


I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.


So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698


This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?


https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.


If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Having the one person that you’re only supposed to have sex with not want to have sex with you hurts, it just does not matter the reason.


This.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Disconnection from myself, my life energy, my creativity, my light.


Thank you for posting this. I hope you can get these back- this is life


I am, thank you 🙏

I’m also realizing that my sexuality is not contingent on being in relationship - and that no one except me “owns” it. I can’t imagine staying in a situation where this part of me isn’t connected. Honestly, I don’t know what this means for future committed relationships for me - because my previous default has been monogamy even if we weren’t having sex … and also it makes me question my expectations of men I may be with. But I value my erotic / sexual autonomy. Part of the exploration.


How old are you?
This is healthy
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least



Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least



Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol


I am in a similar situation. I love my husband but the sex is not that great and has gotten worse over time . And yes the guys I dated before him were jerks but the sex was great . I’ve tried to be very direct in what I want in the bedroom but it doesn’t get me anywhere .
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Disconnection from myself, my life energy, my creativity, my light.


Thank you for posting this. I hope you can get these back- this is life


I am, thank you 🙏

I’m also realizing that my sexuality is not contingent on being in relationship - and that no one except me “owns” it. I can’t imagine staying in a situation where this part of me isn’t connected. Honestly, I don’t know what this means for future committed relationships for me - because my previous default has been monogamy even if we weren’t having sex … and also it makes me question my expectations of men I may be with. But I value my erotic / sexual autonomy. Part of the exploration.


How old are you?
This is healthy


50 (and loving this age)
Anonymous
I have lost feeling in my left leg
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.



Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?


Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.


I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.


Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.




Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.


So the herpes was from you being safe?


Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.


I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.


So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698


This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?


https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.


If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.


FROM THE ARTICLE:
How common is herpes?
More than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters). Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% (one in eight) persons ages 14-49 in the United States has genital HSV-2 infection; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes (see the section on Signs and Symptoms for more).

Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to understand my sexually unsatisifed friends.


It’s done nothing. I’m super busy with life, but def don’t want my unattractive spouse.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.



Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?


Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.


I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.


Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.




Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.


So the herpes was from you being safe?


Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.


I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.


So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698


This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?


https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.


If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.


FROM THE ARTICLE:
How common is herpes?
More than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters). Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% (one in eight) persons ages 14-49 in the United States has genital HSV-2 infection; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes (see the section on Signs and Symptoms for more).

Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.


NP, I’m constantly amazed how ignorant people are about herpes. It’s so ubiquitous and most people have hsv-1. How much do you want to bet the person arguing with you has it and doesn’t even know it?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40’s woman. DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week. He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things. I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me. In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser. That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least



Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol


Jerks in what way? This may help you understand how to improve the sex
I am in a similar situation. I love my husband but the sex is not that great and has gotten worse over time . And yes the guys I dated before him were jerks but the sex was great . I’ve tried to be very direct in what I want in the bedroom but it doesn’t get me anywhere .
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