What has a lack of sex done to you?

[Anonymous]

That's why my last relationship ended which didn't feel like a true relationship

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

Nope. That was not my experience at all. My longtime ex gave it to me and I was 3 for 3 after we broke up. Number 3 is now my DH. Didn’t give it to anyone.

It’s your experience. There are plenty of online resources where you can find different feedback from women. Men don’t want to continue dating if she discloses HSV2 in most cases. When it’s early in the relationship and nobody knows if it becomes LTR, people think it’s not the risk worth taking. It pretty much ends free dating for women (add to this middle age when pickings are slim already!)

I know 2 women with herpes and at least a couple with genital warts. All picked up in college and all are married with children.

[Anonymous]

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Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.

I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.

Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.

Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.

So the herpes was from you being safe?

Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.

I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.

So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698

This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?

https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.

If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.

FROM THE ARTICLE:
How common is herpes?
More than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters). Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% (one in eight) persons ages 14-49 in the United States has genital HSV-2 infection; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes (see the section on Signs and Symptoms for more).

Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.

Our close family friend was the person who did the initial research leading to this discovery.

She had completed her Ph.D and received a research grant for a study on the prevalence of Herpes by sampling cadavers; at the time she was a research scientist employed by the VA.

Her initial scientific work revealed a prevalence much greater than 50%. But, we were living in SF at the time, and her sample-size might not have been indicative of the rest of the US.

Nearly all people who have had a “cold sore” in/around their mouth technically carry a herpes infection.

[Anonymous]

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Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.

I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.

Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.

Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.

So the herpes was from you being safe?

Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.

I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.

So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698

This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?

https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.

If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.

FROM THE ARTICLE:
How common is herpes?
More than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters). Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% (one in eight) persons ages 14-49 in the United States has genital HSV-2 infection; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes (see the section on Signs and Symptoms for more).

Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.

Our close family friend was the person who did the initial research leading to this discovery.

She had completed her Ph.D and received a research grant for a study on the prevalence of Herpes by sampling cadavers; at the time she was a research scientist employed by the VA.

Her initial scientific work revealed a prevalence much greater than 50%. But, we were living in SF at the time, and her sample-size might not have been indicative of the rest of the US.

Nearly all people who have had a “cold sore” in/around their mouth technically carry a herpes infection.

^^^ this all occurred in the early 1970s, BTW.

[Anonymous]

I find I respond very suspiciously to any male attention. Husband stopped wanting to have sex 7 years ago after not wanting much before that. I am objectively attractive and of same weight as when I married. Somehow being deprived of all the ‘extras’ in the form of just general male attention makes me not know how to handle it at all. I feel like to survive I just had to shut that part of me down entirely. Multiple reasons I can’t leave yet but definitely going to eventually. He likes to gaslight a lot and pretend that this is normal when I know it’s not. This is not a way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No judgment but I’m grateful my lack of a sex life has exactly zero effect on the rest of my life. Truly grateful, but I have always been independent so it’s my personality, nothing more. People probably feel sorry for me and they can go right ahead.

I do not make ill-advised decisions based on romantic considerations, and I will not tolerate being around people below my standards just to avoid being “lonely” or to have sex.

I find meaning, happiness, and fulfillment without a relationship or partner.

I also own a great vibrator and use it on the regular, ex husband couldn’t compete with it at all.

Normalizing living this way may help people. As if we need more issues to feel “less-than” about these days! Live your life!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

DP, but the PP has a point that there are people who do require regular sex to be mentally/emotionally/physically healthy. For them, sex is a need.

NP, I might put it this way: exercise is not really a need per se but we are all
aware that the human body and mental health are better with exercise.

Exercise doesnt bring mommy wounds and sti’s. Pleasing yourself brings the physiological release. And after many years, some people just prefer the company of friends (which is the most sustaining kind of love anyway, as studies are finding).

What is "mommy wounds"?

Imagine if this was everyone’s thought process. “I’m too afraid of Sti’s to ever have sex.”

Also just like the other commenter-what the heck is a mommy wound?

Men are so incredibly myopic and selfish. That's why there are so many out there who try to cajole their wives and girlfriends into having sex just days or weeks after pushing a freaking watermelon out of her vagina. :roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not having it is not good for a person. I truly believe people who are healthy all through their lives are having plenty of sex. It’s good for you.

Why don’t you speak for yourself and stop condemning a significant portion of the human population that doesn’t require regular sex to be healthy both mentally and physically?

Why are you mad about someone saying sex is healthy? This is so interesting to me.

I agree with PP that sex is not necessary to have a happy, healthy life. I have had periods of my life where I had lots of great sex and that was fine. I have also had times when I had no sex and I have been able to be happy and healthy during those years as well. In fact, when I was sexually active while I was sexually satisfied I did have to deal with yeast infections, herpes and some emotional drama from being in a relationship that was quite unhealthy. So there's that. Two sides to this issue for sure.

Wow. Sounds like your problem was recklessness not sex.

Nope. My "problem" was not recklessness or sex. I've had good relationships and ones that end up problematic. You might want to try not to be so judgmental.

So the herpes was from you being safe?

Absolutely, and if you think only reckless people get herpes you are in serious denial. I was in a monogamous relationship with a man I loved. I got it one year into a three year relationship. I eventually realized he must have cheated on me but it was not in any way apparent during the relationship. Just so you know, one in eight people in the US have genital herpes and 90% do not even know they have it.

I Really wish the moderator would permanently ban people who post fake statistics. This is not even a little true.

So, you're asking the moderator to ban you?

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/896698

This study says nothing about it being 1 in 8 people in the US that has genital herpes. But ok?

https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,or%20no%20symptoms%20at%20all.

If you read the whole thing-this statistic is including those with HsV-1 as well as HSV-2. Totally believable that 1 in 8 people have HSV-1. 1 in 8 people do not have HSV-2 as much as you want it to be true since you stated you have it.

FROM THE ARTICLE:
How common is herpes?
More than 50 percent of the adult population in the United States has oral herpes (commonly called cold sores or fever blisters). Most people contract oral herpes when they are children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 12% (one in eight) persons ages 14-49 in the United States has genital HSV-2 infection; however, as many as 90 percent are unaware that they have the virus. There are many reasons people do not know they have herpes (see the section on Signs and Symptoms for more).

Anyone who is sexually active can contract genital herpes.

Our close family friend was the person who did the initial research leading to this discovery.

She had completed her Ph.D and received a research grant for a study on the prevalence of Herpes by sampling cadavers; at the time she was a research scientist employed by the VA.

Her initial scientific work revealed a prevalence much greater than 50%. But, we were living in SF at the time, and her sample-size might not have been indicative of the rest of the US.

Nearly all people who have had a “cold sore” in/around their mouth technically carry a herpes infection.

There is more recent 2017 research that shows herpes rates are steadily going down, due to testing, better information about how it spreads and anti virals.
It also varies by age (older people are more likely to have it), and race. The stars were shared on this board many times

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

Nope. That was not my experience at all. My longtime ex gave it to me and I was 3 for 3 after we broke up. Number 3 is now my DH. Didn’t give it to anyone.

It’s your experience. There are plenty of online resources where you can find different feedback from women. Men don’t want to continue dating if she discloses HSV2 in most cases. When it’s early in the relationship and nobody knows if it becomes LTR, people think it’s not the risk worth taking. It pretty much ends free dating for women (add to this middle age when pickings are slim already!)

I know 2 women with herpes and at least a couple with genital warts. All picked up in college and all are married with children.

If they have genital warts - they should have them treated/removed. Papilloma virus clears on its own after warts are removed in most cases . And do get vaccinated !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has had a terrible back problem since late February and we’ve never gone this long without sex. I’m definitely feeling like so many others. I told him how much I miss it and he said “maybe you should call a friend.” I laughed and I never would but a girl can dream.

Why can’t you just get on top and ride him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find I respond very suspiciously to any male attention. Husband stopped wanting to have sex 7 years ago after not wanting much before that. I am objectively attractive and of same weight as when I married. Somehow being deprived of all the ‘extras’ in the form of just general male attention makes me not know how to handle it at all. I feel like to survive I just had to shut that part of me down entirely. Multiple reasons I can’t leave yet but definitely going to eventually. He likes to gaslight a lot and pretend that this is normal when I know it’s not. This is not a way to live.

+1. It's like a part of me died. I'm a widow now, and my self-esteem in this area is so low. Mid-50s and quite attractive for my age. I don't know how many years of good sex I have left, so on the one hand, I'm eager, but on the other hand, I don't even trust myself, much less somebody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely irrationally scared about STIs. Like to the point of it is keeping you from even considering a relationship. That’s not normal and you need to see a therapist. Get tested yourself and ask whoever you plan to be physical with to get tested. Anyone who actually cares isn’t going to give you a hard time.

Agree, it’s often just an excuse to avoid dating to avoid possible disappointment.

Ask men how they act upon learning a potential female partner has genital herpes. They run and don’t look back.

Nope. That was not my experience at all. My longtime ex gave it to me and I was 3 for 3 after we broke up. Number 3 is now my DH. Didn’t give it to anyone.

It’s your experience. There are plenty of online resources where you can find different feedback from women. Men don’t want to continue dating if she discloses HSV2 in most cases. When it’s early in the relationship and nobody knows if it becomes LTR, people think it’s not the risk worth taking. It pretty much ends free dating for women (add to this middle age when pickings are slim already!)

I know 2 women with herpes and at least a couple with genital warts. All picked up in college and all are married with children.

If they have genital warts - they should have them treated/removed. Papilloma virus clears on its own after warts are removed in most cases . And do get vaccinated !

I mean, maybe that happened. I did not ask them, obviously.

[Anonymous]

It makes men emotionally dead and resentful. This is the real reason (some) men cheat in their 40s and 50s. Not judging—I get that menopause sucks for women… but it also sucks for their husbands. You have to be real stoic to get through it, knowing it’s gone for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My pecker shriveled up to the size of a jumbo shrimp.

Yes. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having the one person that you’re only supposed to have sex with not want to have sex with you hurts, it just does not matter the reason.

This one. I resent my wife at this point and we are simply in a co-parenting marriage. I hope my libido falls off at some point, but it is porn until then.

My doctor put me in sertraline, my libido died and that’s what has kept me sane