Can I go on vacation out of state with my kids if DH and I have no custody agreement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?

Did you get lost on your way to Saudi Arabia?

They’re still married. She can take her children wherever she wants including out of the country. Yes he could file a fraudulent order of emergency custody but a judge seeing that and then coming to understand that a teacher has taken her children to see their grandparents every summer continued to do so this summer is really, really unlikely to see a kidnapped.

Once again, the parental kidnaping laws vary from state to state. I bet you anything that OP plans to relocate permanently there, she just won’t admit it.

What state law forbids a married parent from taking their kid out of state. I’ll wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?

Did you get lost on your way to Saudi Arabia?

They’re still married. She can take her children wherever she wants including out of the country. Yes he could file a fraudulent order of emergency custody but a judge seeing that and then coming to understand that a teacher has taken her children to see their grandparents every summer continued to do so this summer is really, really unlikely to see a kidnapped.

Once again, the parental kidnaping laws vary from state to state. I bet you anything that OP plans to relocate permanently there, she just won’t admit it.

What state law forbids a married parent from taking their kid out of state. I’ll wait.

If they are married there is nothing stopping her from taking them. Even if they are divorced and there is an order, rarely do they hold the mother accountable for custody/visitation refusal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?

Did you get lost on your way to Saudi Arabia?

They’re still married. She can take her children wherever she wants including out of the country. Yes he could file a fraudulent order of emergency custody but a judge seeing that and then coming to understand that a teacher has taken her children to see their grandparents every summer continued to do so this summer is really, really unlikely to see a kidnapped.

Once again, the parental kidnaping laws vary from state to state. I bet you anything that OP plans to relocate permanently there, she just won’t admit it.

Then why hasn’t she on any of the previous annual trips to see her parents all summer, during which her spouse gets free childcare?

Grow up. Her spouse isn't getting free child care. Their marriage/parenting arrangement is she cares for the kids summers because she doesn't work summers. She can work to pay for child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

He's saying he will file for divorce and a custody agreement if she up and takes the kids. That's not unreasonable given she's said they are basically living together caring for the kids and there is a good possibility she will not return. There is clearly more to this. He should file now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?

Did you get lost on your way to Saudi Arabia?

They’re still married. She can take her children wherever she wants including out of the country. Yes he could file a fraudulent order of emergency custody but a judge seeing that and then coming to understand that a teacher has taken her children to see their grandparents every summer continued to do so this summer is really, really unlikely to see a kidnapped.

Once again, the parental kidnaping laws vary from state to state. I bet you anything that OP plans to relocate permanently there, she just won’t admit it.

Then why hasn’t she on any of the previous annual trips to see her parents all summer, during which her spouse gets free childcare?

Grow up. Her spouse isn't getting free child care. Their marriage/parenting arrangement is she cares for the kids summers because she doesn't work summers. She can work to pay for child care.

Nope. She cares for the kids AND takes them to see her parents to build those relationships. She’s not the help to whom he can dictate her working location. He wants childcare for free? Kids go to see the grandparents. Otherwise he can enjoy his summer of leaving work at 4:55 to make sure he can do camp pick up. May cramp some happy hour style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

Why should she find childcare? She has already offered 7 weeks of childcare at no cost to him. He turns that down it’s his problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

Why should she find childcare? She has already offered 7 weeks of childcare at no cost to him. He turns that down it’s his problem.

You parent your kids. You are not a child care provider. Both the parents can work together to make a child care plan while she chooses to go out of town. These parents need to divorce if they cannot work together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

Why should she find childcare? She has already offered 7 weeks of childcare at no cost to him. He turns that down it’s his problem.

You parent your kids. You are not a child care provider. Both the parents can work together to make a child care plan while she chooses to go out of town. These parents need to divorce if they cannot work together.

Exactly. She’s choosing to parent her kids in their grandparents home as she has in previous summers. He’s the one with an issue, he’s the one who needs to solve it or quit whining.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm not a lawyer (and you should consult one) but your dh's threat to file and send police to your parents house...i'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

Like, what's he going to say to the police? 'Officer, my wife took our kids to visit her parents like she does every year for the summer, but I filed for divorce yesterday so can you show up at her folks house and make them come home RIGHT NOW?'

I would defenitley not leave them with the dh for the summer. You really need to see a lawyer OP and should think about your next steps as far as the marriage, which sounds over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?

Did you get lost on your way to Saudi Arabia?

They’re still married. She can take her children wherever she wants including out of the country. Yes he could file a fraudulent order of emergency custody but a judge seeing that and then coming to understand that a teacher has taken her children to see their grandparents every summer continued to do so this summer is really, really unlikely to see a kidnapped.

Once again, the parental kidnaping laws vary from state to state. I bet you anything that OP plans to relocate permanently there, she just won’t admit it.

What state law forbids a married parent from taking their kid out of state. I’ll wait.

If they are married there is nothing stopping her from taking them. Even if they are divorced and there is an order, rarely do they hold the mother accountable for custody/visitation refusal.

If you take a child out of state for 2 months at the beginning of rancorous divorce proceedings, over the objections of their other parent, you best be ready for legal action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

Why should she find childcare? She has already offered 7 weeks of childcare at no cost to him. He turns that down it’s his problem.

You parent your kids. You are not a child care provider. Both the parents can work together to make a child care plan while she chooses to go out of town. These parents need to divorce if they cannot work together.

Exactly. She’s choosing to parent her kids in their grandparents home as she has in previous summers. He’s the one with an issue, he’s the one who needs to solve it or quit whining.

They are not her kids, they are their kids and its a joint decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

He's saying he will file for divorce and a custody agreement if she up and takes the kids. That's not unreasonable given she's said they are basically living together caring for the kids and there is a good possibility she will not return. There is clearly more to this. He should file now.

Yep. That’s what OP is headed towards. And she will not get the kids for 7 weeks over the summer.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates?

What are the police going to do when they get there? Is your husband going to come with them and get the kids? What’s he going to do with them when they get home and you are still with your parents? Is he expecting that you will just come back and parallel parent?

This sounds like more of a threat than a reality to me. He is scared, and he wants some control.

No, he could absolutely file for emergency custody and then get the order enforced by local police. This is not something to take lightly. Who knows if he would actually do it. But taking the kids out of state unilaterally for months is a really very bad idea. OP needs to wrap her head around the fact that she needs to compromise.

On NO planet will he get an emergency order. On top of that, enforcement across state lines is a joke. It is an empty threat, but you are doing yourself no favors if you go without his consent. I’d suggest coming to an agreement about 4 weeks and then hope he likes having you guys gone and isn’t anxious for your return. Then 4 weeks can turn to five to six, etc etc.

This is exactly why they are heading for divorce. If he says no, she should respect it or compromise at 2-3 weeks.

Because he’s a man? Because he’s making threats?

That’s not how it works. She says yes, and the trip is status quo which courts uphold in divorces. He can offer to find and pay childcare so the kids stay home with him, but she’s not a prisoner.

How about they both work tougher and find child care if she wants to go away for the entire summer. Their problem is they refuse to work together. He probably is paying for the bulk of the expense if she refuses to divorce and they are still living together was she does't have the income to support a second household which is why its suspicious that she'd move away.

Why should she find childcare? She has already offered 7 weeks of childcare at no cost to him. He turns that down it’s his problem.

You parent your kids. You are not a child care provider. Both the parents can work together to make a child care plan while she chooses to go out of town. These parents need to divorce if they cannot work together.

Exactly. She’s choosing to parent her kids in their grandparents home as she has in previous summers. He’s the one with an issue, he’s the one who needs to solve it or quit whining.

I mean, the way he will solve it is to file for divorce and 50-50 custody. Is that what OP wants?

[Anonymous]

His logic doesn’t make sense to me.

1. He doesn’t want you to go alone to see your parents and leave the kids with him, and he won’t take time off to watch them.

2. He doesn’t want you to take the kids to visit your parents.

3. He has threatened he’ll seek emergency custody if you take the kids. Wouldn’t that mean he would have the problem in #1? He would need to hire childcare?

Is he trying to set a trap for you? Maybe he hopes you will take the kids and he can then get custody? Would his parents help HIM out with childcare?