Can I go on vacation out of state with my kids if DH and I have no custody agreement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get the advice of a competent attorney, not a bunch of DCUM harpies that will tell you you’re right just because you’re a woman.

I think the advice would be more or less the same if you switched genders.
DCUM is actually usually harder on women who don’t want to take care of their children. If a man said that he took his children to visit his parents for two months every summer and his wife was always fine with it, people would hate on her before he said anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

But it’s not a unilateral decision. It’s the status quo that both parents agreed on for several years.

How is he going to prove to a judge that he didn’t want her to go this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

But it’s not a unilateral decision. It’s the status quo that both parents agreed on for several years.

How is he going to prove to a judge that he didn’t want her to go this year?

Put it in writing. It’s really not something OP wants to be in FAFO territory on. She needs to compromise. It’s easy enough to draw up an interim legal agreement that addresses his (valid) concern that she’s never going to come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

But it’s not a unilateral decision. It’s the status quo that both parents agreed on for several years.

How is he going to prove to a judge that he didn’t want her to go this year?

that’s the point - there is no more status quo here. they are on the road to divorce which changes things.

[Anonymous]

Are you legally separated?

Do you have a custody agreement?

Get everything in writing. Maintaining consistency in the children’s lives is important.

Tell him that you’re going to visit your parents for 7 weeks in the summer like you usually do. You would like to take the kids with you to maintain normalcy, but you’re willing to leave them at home with him if he objects—of course, that means he would be fully responsible for caring for the children alone.

Seriously though. It might be time to file for divorce and get a solid custody order in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

But it’s not a unilateral decision. It’s the status quo that both parents agreed on for several years.

How is he going to prove to a judge that he didn’t want her to go this year?

Put it in writing. It’s really not something OP wants to be in FAFO territory on. She needs to compromise. It’s easy enough to draw up an interim legal agreement that addresses his (valid) concern that she’s never going to come back.

It seems like the worst possible outcome here is that she doesn’t return, and a man might have to move to a non-preferred location because it’s in the best interest of his wife, children, and elderly in-laws.
It’s crazy that there are entire legal systems in place to prevent this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. He doesn’t want me to go on my own as then he would have to take care of them. I would love to go when my school ends but I am staying an extra 3 weeks because he won’t take vacation to take care of them alone. And his parents who are only an hour away won’t do it either.

Guess he has quite the conundrum and no clue what to do with k-12 kids in the summer.

He CAN order the kids back and file a separation or for divorce.

You both can do a one page doc on how to handle summers off. Might be more flying back and forth but 7 weeks is a lot of time.

How old are the kids? I assume under age 12 if they can disappear from their friends, sports, programs for that long and not be antsy. Sitting at grandmas house for days and days only works if under age 6.

DP. I stay with my parents every summer. My kids are on the summer swim team there and have friends in the neighborhood that they keep in touch with and text with during the school year. My daughter is into dance and is in an intensive dance camp near my parents house that she auditioned for last month over zoom.
It’s a different world than when we were kids.

OP has not disclosed the kids ages nor if she already signed up for camps. Deadlines exist and many camps fill up fast.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s fine. Don’t listen to the people on DCUM that always want to make out the mom to be the bad person. Talk to your lawyer, sure, but just send him something in writing stating your intentions and that this is not a new summer arrangement.

[Anonymous]

This is important, ask a lawyer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s fine. Don’t listen to the people on DCUM that always want to make out the mom to be the bad person. Talk to your lawyer, sure, but just send him something in writing stating your intentions and that this is not a new summer arrangement.

No, Dad is always made out to the bad one. OP wants a divorce. She needs to move out and file and do a 50-50 custody. And, coordinate with him. If he's working, not sure what is expected. 7 weeks is a long time and she can easily move away taking the kids and he will lose the kids. Feeding the kids too many sweets is not an excuse to take their dad away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. He doesn’t want me to go on my own as then he would have to take care of them. I would love to go when my school ends but I am staying an extra 3 weeks because he won’t take vacation to take care of them alone. And his parents who are only an hour away won’t do it either.

Guess he has quite the conundrum and no clue what to do with k-12 kids in the summer.

He CAN order the kids back and file a separation or for divorce.

You both can do a one page doc on how to handle summers off. Might be more flying back and forth but 7 weeks is a lot of time.

How old are the kids? I assume under age 12 if they can disappear from their friends, sports, programs for that long and not be antsy. Sitting at grandmas house for days and days only works if under age 6.

DP. I stay with my parents every summer. My kids are on the summer swim team there and have friends in the neighborhood that they keep in touch with and text with during the school year. My daughter is into dance and is in an intensive dance camp near my parents house that she auditioned for last month over zoom.
It’s a different world than when we were kids.

OP has not disclosed the kids ages nor if she already signed up for camps. Deadlines exist and many camps fill up fast.

I'm sure we can help her find some camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks again. I have no plans to keep them out of state permanently. I have been taking them every summer for seven weeks since kindergarten. I like the idea of me just going for longer so he is compelled to take care of them and I can take care of my parents. But they will hate it. They don’t have a close relationship and he feeds them sugar and unhealthy meals and no structure with video games and movies. They will enjoy that for a few days but not for much longer. They tell me they are still hungry on the one night a week he gives them dinner.

I'm sure they will absolutely hate sugar and junk food and unstructured access to video games and movies.

Stop projecting. He'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. He doesn’t want me to go on my own as then he would have to take care of them. I would love to go when my school ends but I am staying an extra 3 weeks because he won’t take vacation to take care of them alone. And his parents who are only an hour away won’t do it either.

Guess he has quite the conundrum and no clue what to do with k-12 kids in the summer.

He CAN order the kids back and file a separation or for divorce.

You both can do a one page doc on how to handle summers off. Might be more flying back and forth but 7 weeks is a lot of time.

How old are the kids? I assume under age 12 if they can disappear from their friends, sports, programs for that long and not be antsy. Sitting at grandmas house for days and days only works if under age 6.

DP. I stay with my parents every summer. My kids are on the summer swim team there and have friends in the neighborhood that they keep in touch with and text with during the school year. My daughter is into dance and is in an intensive dance camp near my parents house that she auditioned for last month over zoom.
It’s a different world than when we were kids.

OP has not disclosed the kids ages nor if she already signed up for camps. Deadlines exist and many camps fill up fast.

I don’t know. It sounds like the plan until recently has been to go to her parents house. So, if she wanted them in camp this summer, that’s probably where they are signed up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot take children across state lines without the consent of both parents. I used to work in a job where we sent children on trips and if both parents were not going, they both needed to sign all the paperwork agreeing that the child could go. I don't know if that rule is specific to certain states, but it was definitely the case when I had that job.

We got into this with our neighbors who were divorcing - the dad wouldn't take his kids on the big dad/kid trip our friend group does every year and it happened to fall on the weekend the wife had the kids so she asked other dads if they would take her kids (which we had done in the past for certain dads couldn't attend for whatever reason). The answer was no because they were going out of state (driving, but still crossing state lines) and we weren't going to get into it with her husband, who sounds like OP's husband.

What? Of course you can! Who's going to stop you? I've done this without explicit permission from my DH. My parents live in Chicago and have taken my kids to Indiana Dunes without explicit permission. You just can't take them across state lines to exploit them.

It very much depends on the state. And even if it’s not a state with strict parental kidnaping law, the dad can file for temporary emergency custody. 7 weeks out of state unilaterally isn’t going to be kindly viewed by the judge.

Errrrr...I've lived 5 miles from state lines twice in my life and never once asked DH if I cross them with the kids.

Are you being purposefully obtuse?

Yes, I crossed state lines with my kids last weekend, but my husband was fine with. OP's husband is telling her she cannot take the kids out of state. This is obviously a different situation she is dealing with. He has explicitly told her she cannot take the kids out of state. Do you want her to roll the dice and find out what happens if she does so against his explicit instructions?