Can I go on vacation out of state with my kids if DH and I have no custody agreement?
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Anonymous
| I usually take my kids to see my parents for 7 weeks in the summer. I am a teacher so I can do this. They live across the country. DH and I are parallel parenting in same house but nothing formal filed. He said if I take them on the date I usually take them then he will file an order in court and get the police to come to my parent's house when I get there. I am going to talk to a lawyer, but since this "talk" just happened, looking to the folks on DCUM to tell me if he can actually do this. He also wants to dictate when I must come back. My parents are in their late 80s and they don't come here anymore so I want to spend as much time as possible and so do my kids who are in upper elementary. Legally, can he dictate my dates? |
Anonymous
| He’s full of crap. |
Anonymous
| You need to compromise. Seven weeks is a lot. |
Anonymous
| He may be concerned you'd try to establish residency in the other state. I would look up the laws in both. |
Anonymous
| Leave the kids home for the summer and visit on your own. If there that old they’d probably love some 1:1 time with you. |
Anonymous
| Did he already contact a lawyer who told him he could do these things? |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for the feedback. He doesn’t want me to go on my own as then he would have to take care of them. I would love to go when my school ends but I am staying an extra 3 weeks because he won’t take vacation to take care of them alone. And his parents who are only an hour away won’t do it either. |
Anonymous
| Hire a nanny and leave them with the husband. |
Anonymous
with a teacher's salary? Do people even read? |
Anonymous
| You should probably involve a lawyer (you’ll need one anyway for the inevitable divorce). You likely can’t take the kids across the country for seven weeks without his consent. But you might be able to win by threatening to go without the kids (which you can do) and pressuring him to cave. |
Anonymous
|
I’d let him choose….
A. You go alone, and he figure out child care / vacation B. You take the kids with you |
Anonymous
| You need a custody agreement. I don’t have one, and it works. But if it isn’t working, then you need one. Also neither of us would ever consider 7 weeks away either with or without the kid. It is incredibly selfish. Sure, it would be great for me as my current husband lives in another state, but for now I travel back and forth every other week. We occasionally do two week switches, but I would never even consider seven weeks. It would be devastating for him. |
Anonymous
| Obviously, also make sure you discuss with your attorney the difference between “can I” and “should I”? You unfortunately need to balance time with ailing family against something that could color a judge’s opinion of your behavior. You seem like you have a nasty battle coming - so like the PP stated - perhaps a compromise would be better here. |
Anonymous
|
Send the kids to sleep away camp (for less than seven weeks) and go by yourself (also for less than seven weeks).
Legally, yes you can take the kids but yes he can file an emergency custody order to get them back and he will win. However if I were him I’d wait to see if you return bc there’s no downside to doing so seven weeks later when it becomes clear that you’re not returning. What is your actual plan OP? Are you trying to take them away permanently? If so being near elderly parents doesn’t sound like an advantage. |
Anonymous
|
Legally yes to can take them. You have no custody paperwork.
On the flip side he can do the same. How would you feel? Maybe just go for a month. |