Feel awkward going to our school fundraising gala

[Anonymous]

DH and I are friendly with several parents at our private school but are not super close with anyone. Every year around the time of the school fundraising gala, we get asked to use our outside connections to secure a big item for the auction, which we gladly do to support our school. Our gala has a seated dinner format, so you have to organize a table with other parents, and that's the part I am not comfortable with.
We are not part of the in crowd so no one asks us if we'd like to sit at their table (although these parents never forget about us when it come time to donate or secure an auction item). I also feel awkward to start a table and ask other parents if they'd like to join because those parents have much closer friends than us to sit with already. There is an option to just buy tickets and the gala organizers will choose the seating for you but we did it once and ended up on a table where we did not know anyone and we did not have a great experience.
So we just take the path of least resistance and skip the whole event. At our kids' former school, the gala had more of a cocktail party format and it was not as socially stressful.
Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I was never happier than when I decided to start skipping them, and all galas for that matter. What a waste of resources, time, food, everything.

[Anonymous]

Skip it.

[Anonymous]

Feel your pain, op. Try being single and not part of the ‘in’ crowd at these types of events. At least you’ve got your DH to hang out with.

I followed your path and started skipping them.

[Anonymous]

My DD's former school had similar events and I never went. They also had things like trivia/sports fundraisers, but you have to create your own team. I was never part of any clique so I never was asked/nor asked anyone else to do so.

Now that DD is in HS, I just write a check for the annual fund and skip the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are friendly with several parents at our private school but are not super close with anyone. Every year around the time of the school fundraising gala, we get asked to use our outside connections to secure a big item for the auction, which we gladly do to support our school. Our gala has a seated dinner format, so you have to organize a table with other parents, and that's the part I am not comfortable with.
We are not part of the in crowd so no one asks us if we'd like to sit at their table (although these parents never forget about us when it come time to donate or secure an auction item). I also feel awkward to start a table and ask other parents if they'd like to join because those parents have much closer friends than us to sit with already. There is an option to just buy tickets and the gala organizers will choose the seating for you but we did it once and ended up on a table where we did not know anyone and we did not have a great experience.
So we just take the path of least resistance and skip the whole event. At our kids' former school, the gala had more of a cocktail party format and it was not as socially stressful.
Thoughts?

Is this for an event tomorrow? If it is NCD it is a buffet this year and open seating meaning you can plop down at an open table or if you are chatting with someone and want to ask if they want to join your table you can do that too. But no pre arranged tables this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are friendly with several parents at our private school but are not super close with anyone. Every year around the time of the school fundraising gala, we get asked to use our outside connections to secure a big item for the auction, which we gladly do to support our school. Our gala has a seated dinner format, so you have to organize a table with other parents, and that's the part I am not comfortable with.
We are not part of the in crowd so no one asks us if we'd like to sit at their table (although these parents never forget about us when it come time to donate or secure an auction item). I also feel awkward to start a table and ask other parents if they'd like to join because those parents have much closer friends than us to sit with already. There is an option to just buy tickets and the gala organizers will choose the seating for you but we did it once and ended up on a table where we did not know anyone and we did not have a great experience.
So we just take the path of least resistance and skip the whole event. At our kids' former school, the gala had more of a cocktail party format and it was not as socially stressful.
Thoughts?

Is this for an event tomorrow? If it is NCD it is a buffet this year and open seating meaning you can plop down at an open table or if you are chatting with someone and want to ask if they want to join your table you can do that too. But no pre arranged tables this year.

*NCS typo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feel your pain, op. Try being single and not part of the ‘in’ crowd at these types of events. At least you’ve got your DH to hang out with.

I followed your path and started skipping them.

Another option is just go to cocktail portion and skip the dinner part

[Anonymous]

OP here. Glad many share my feelings on this. What makes it more awkward is when other parents start asking us if we are attending and then I have to make up some lame excuse as to why we aren't. What do you usually say?

[Anonymous]

I donate and skip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Glad many share my feelings on this. What makes it more awkward is when other parents start asking us if we are attending and then I have to make up some lame excuse as to why we aren't. What do you usually say?

“We can’t we have family in town.”

“Not this year - we have a milestone birthday party ie: 40th 50th etc”

“Can’t make it! Next year for sure!”

[Anonymous]

Skip it - if anyone asks, say: "Unfortunately, we have a prior commitment. Hope you have a great time!"

[Anonymous]

Even if you don't go to the gala, try to make friends with some parents at your school. Are they all unwelcoming? There have to be a few nice ones?

That being said, if you don't enjoy going, then don't go. Schedule a fancy weekend vacation on the same date and send your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD's former school had similar events and I never went. They also had things like trivia/sports fundraisers, but you have to create your own team. I was never part of any clique so I never was asked/nor asked anyone else to do so.

Now that DD is in HS, I just write a check for the annual fund and skip the rest.

Is this St. James? I agree the team events and those that require group themes are childish and only benefit the popular parents. It promotes cliques and should be changed.

[Anonymous]

Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.