Feel awkward going to our school fundraising gala

[Anonymous]

Many of parents friends are skipping ours this year but they are doing so in protest of things they don’t like about the school. We are attending but I feel badly many are skipping it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are friendly with several parents at our private school but are not super close with anyone. Every year around the time of the school fundraising gala, we get asked to use our outside connections to secure a big item for the auction, which we gladly do to support our school. Our gala has a seated dinner format, so you have to organize a table with other parents, and that's the part I am not comfortable with.
We are not part of the in crowd so no one asks us if we'd like to sit at their table (although these parents never forget about us when it come time to donate or secure an auction item). I also feel awkward to start a table and ask other parents if they'd like to join because those parents have much closer friends than us to sit with already. There is an option to just buy tickets and the gala organizers will choose the seating for you but we did it once and ended up on a table where we did not know anyone and we did not have a great experience.
So we just take the path of least resistance and skip the whole event. At our kids' former school, the gala had more of a cocktail party format and it was not as socially stressful.
Thoughts?

I could have written this whole post. I hate these things! It brings back the middle school feeling of having no one to sit with at lunch. I’m too old to feel that way so I skip - I donate generously to the annual fundraiser in the fall, so I don’t feel bad about my non-participation in this one. Occasionally, someone will ask me to join their table and I’m very happy to do that. I feel if the event organizers want to bring everyone into the fold and get more money they will figure out a way around this public display of popularity and be more inclusive to us introverts. Until then, I’d rather order a pizza, pop some popcorn and watch a good family movie.

[Anonymous]

You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

I kind of agree with this sentiment. While I have not attended a school gala yet, I have been to quite a few for nonprofits and you sit at a table with people you don't know, make small talk and move on. I often prefer that type of an event when I don't know a lot of people vs the ones that don't have assigned seating and it's hard to break into a group to meet people and chat.

[Anonymous]

At our kid's school, you could ask to sit with certain people, or they would try and place you with other parents from your kid's grade. As a new family, we don't know many people yet so didn't make a specific request. We sat with others from our grade and enjoyed meeting other families. I also felt like there wasn't a lot of time to talk, as dinner was during the live auction, which is more of a show/theater (it was quite entertaining). I know of other families that just went to the cocktail portion and not the dinner. Choose your own adventure. If you want to make friends, I do think you need to show up to these events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

Skip the assigned table seating altogether and a lot more parents would feel much more welcome to attend.
- OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

Skip the assigned table seating altogether and a lot more parents would feel much more welcome to attend.
- OP

This is what NCS is doing this year and I think it will be better. You just buy your tickets and it’s buffet so you can sit wherever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

DP
An alternative way to purchase a ticket, like “sit with 1st grade parents” or something to that effect. Ms. Gala Organizer, OP is not the only one that feels this way. I’ve been skipping these things for years because of the way they are structured socially. You really have something to learn about inclusivity if you think it’s OP’s fault/responsibility - you want a more successful gala - crack that nut! I’ve got tons to spend, but I’m not social, so I sit out. I’m not the only one - neither is OP. Those of us who sit out can really make these events more lucrative if it wasn’t run the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

The mean Mom found the thread.

Pretty sure she doesn’t want to be called “Lady” in such a way for starters.

Clearly she has some social anxiety on this setting. Be a bit more empathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

You know, parents at your kid's school can't stand you, right? These events are so last century, I can't believe anybody still attends them. Schools would be so much better off without them. We write a $25,000 check and do not attend. My money is much better spent that way. Anybody who attends wants to seem cool or is desperate for attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

It’s all of them. If a parent owns a company they can buy a table and it’s a tax write off - just like any other fundraising gala.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

It’s still tacky. It is exclusive and does not allow for mingling. No just no.