Feel awkward going to our school fundraising gala

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf do these people need donations when they charge tuitions comparable to private colleges. I am guessing it's a tax dodging program that's so popular in the US as lobbiests help create a unfair playing field where rich people get more and more head starts and moving goal posts.

They raise money so kids like yours can go too. Apply and find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would tell your kids in this situation. It’s not the worst thing in the world to sit at a table with some people you don’t know for a few hours. If it were your kids, you’d encourage them to meet new people and work on their social skills, wouldn’t you? You can do the same. Best case scenario you make a new friend or two, worst case you have a meh experience and just end up talking to your spouse.

It’s ok to experience discomfort in life, you know.

OMG this is such a load of crap. This is not an event of importance. It's a frickin fundraiser for a school. If the school gets the money they need from donations, no one NEEDS to attend these stupid events.

There are plenty of times in life when we have to experience discomfort. We don't need to manufacture more so extroverted jerks can lecture introverts on how they can "stretch and grow".

Get over yourselves.

Are you sure you don't need brushing up on your social skills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, We moved our kids from private schools to public because the kids and parents are so much nicer. Maybe try that and you will be happier? Worked for us.

Come on private schools have plenty of nice parents. Clearly one poster is ebbing on the OP. Most likely not even a private school parent as there are a few public school trolls that are on this forum daily.

PP here, yes of course there are plenty of nice parents at private schools (I happened to be one for a couple of years), and plenty of not so nice parents at public. But my observation was based on a lot of data points at both schools, and this thread illustrates the insecurities and anxieties that a lot of private school parents feel about fitting in with the cool parent crowd. The fact that this thread is going strong after 10 pages is proof that the OP is not alone in her feelings. Many posters share her hesitation about these events, and the mean, gaslighting posts that were critical of her (which I doubt are trolls, because I know plenty of private parents who think that way) provided good examples of the exclusive and snooty mindset that caused the OP to feel as she does. There is little or none of that at public schools, at least in my experience.

I don't mean to be rude but if you are not a private school parent anymore then why are you taking time to post on this site? I would think you would be investing your time and energy and efforts into the public school forums? Why post here? You made your decision and have left private schools.

I have a third son who is still in private, and one of my older sons is considering going back to private for a certain sport, so I read and participate in both public and private forums. because I have experience in both public and private, I like to think that my perspectives are better informed than a lot of posters.

by the way, you do sound a bit rude to be questioning somebody's standing to post on a certain forum, even if that isn't what you intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, We moved our kids from private schools to public because the kids and parents are so much nicer. Maybe try that and you will be happier? Worked for us.

Come on private schools have plenty of nice parents. Clearly one poster is ebbing on the OP. Most likely not even a private school parent as there are a few public school trolls that are on this forum daily.

PP here, yes of course there are plenty of nice parents at private schools (I happened to be one for a couple of years), and plenty of not so nice parents at public. But my observation was based on a lot of data points at both schools, and this thread illustrates the insecurities and anxieties that a lot of private school parents feel about fitting in with the cool parent crowd. The fact that this thread is going strong after 10 pages is proof that the OP is not alone in her feelings. Many posters share her hesitation about these events, and the mean, gaslighting posts that were critical of her (which I doubt are trolls, because I know plenty of private parents who think that way) provided good examples of the exclusive and snooty mindset that caused the OP to feel as she does. There is little or none of that at public schools, at least in my experience.

I don't mean to be rude but if you are not a private school parent anymore then why are you taking time to post on this site? I would think you would be investing your time and energy and efforts into the public school forums? Why post here? You made your decision and have left private schools.

I have a third son who is still in private, and one of my older sons is considering going back to private for a certain sport, so I read and participate in both public and private forums. because I have experience in both public and private, I like to think that my perspectives are better informed than a lot of posters.

by the way, you do sound a bit rude to be questioning somebody's standing to post on a certain forum, even if that isn't what you intended.

You said you pulled all of your kids out of private and are much happier. I don't believe you have a child at private currently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feel your pain, op. Try being single and not part of the ‘in’ crowd at these types of events. At least you’ve got your DH to hang out with.

I followed your path and started skipping them.

Me too: posh private school and I’m a single mom. I stay away. I threaten women because I’m striking and very fit- it’s just all around no fun. The queen bees are dripping in sequins and utterly devoid of purpose. Private school snob mom is their only identity and they bore the crap out of me. Dad’s mostly chubby bores anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, We moved our kids from private schools to public because the kids and parents are so much nicer. Maybe try that and you will be happier? Worked for us.

Come on private schools have plenty of nice parents. Clearly one poster is ebbing on the OP. Most likely not even a private school parent as there are a few public school trolls that are on this forum daily.

PP here, yes of course there are plenty of nice parents at private schools (I happened to be one for a couple of years), and plenty of not so nice parents at public. But my observation was based on a lot of data points at both schools, and this thread illustrates the insecurities and anxieties that a lot of private school parents feel about fitting in with the cool parent crowd. The fact that this thread is going strong after 10 pages is proof that the OP is not alone in her feelings. Many posters share her hesitation about these events, and the mean, gaslighting posts that were critical of her (which I doubt are trolls, because I know plenty of private parents who think that way) provided good examples of the exclusive and snooty mindset that caused the OP to feel as she does. There is little or none of that at public schools, at least in my experience.

I don't mean to be rude but if you are not a private school parent anymore then why are you taking time to post on this site? I would think you would be investing your time and energy and efforts into the public school forums? Why post here? You made your decision and have left private schools.

I have a third son who is still in private, and one of my older sons is considering going back to private for a certain sport, so I read and participate in both public and private forums. because I have experience in both public and private, I like to think that my perspectives are better informed than a lot of posters.

by the way, you do sound a bit rude to be questioning somebody's standing to post on a certain forum, even if that isn't what you intended.

You said you pulled all of your kids out of private and are much happier. I don't believe you have a child at private currently.

now you sound even ruder. I said "kids" (plural), but I did not say "all." just because someone shares a view you don't like, you attack their right or their standing to speak?

[Anonymous]

Op, before this thread I had no idea there were such socially incompetent adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would tell your kids in this situation. It’s not the worst thing in the world to sit at a table with some people you don’t know for a few hours. If it were your kids, you’d encourage them to meet new people and work on their social skills, wouldn’t you? You can do the same. Best case scenario you make a new friend or two, worst case you have a meh experience and just end up talking to your spouse.

It’s ok to experience discomfort in life, you know.

OMG this is such a load of crap. This is not an event of importance. It's a frickin fundraiser for a school. If the school gets the money they need from donations, no one NEEDS to attend these stupid events.

There are plenty of times in life when we have to experience discomfort. We don't need to manufacture more so extroverted jerks can lecture introverts on how they can "stretch and grow".

Get over yourselves.

Are you sure you don't need brushing up on your social skills?

Nope. Social skills are fine. Having low tolerance for BS does not mean no social skills. Quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feel your pain, op. Try being single and not part of the ‘in’ crowd at these types of events. At least you’ve got your DH to hang out with.

I followed your path and started skipping them.

Me too: posh private school and I’m a single mom. I stay away. I threaten women because I’m striking and very fit- it’s just all around no fun. The queen bees are dripping in sequins and utterly devoid of purpose. Private school snob mom is their only identity and they bore the crap out of me. Dad’s mostly chubby bores anyway.

Are you the single mom who used to be a ballerina, wears quite modern/artistic clothing, and has unique hair (I won’t state exactly because I don’t want to call you out to much). If so, we spoke at a different event, an yes, I can confirm you are very striking and intimidate the heck out of the stuffy bores that dominate these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would tell your kids in this situation. It’s not the worst thing in the world to sit at a table with some people you don’t know for a few hours. If it were your kids, you’d encourage them to meet new people and work on their social skills, wouldn’t you? You can do the same. Best case scenario you make a new friend or two, worst case you have a meh experience and just end up talking to your spouse.

It’s ok to experience discomfort in life, you know.

OMG this is such a load of crap. This is not an event of importance. It's a frickin fundraiser for a school. If the school gets the money they need from donations, no one NEEDS to attend these stupid events.

There are plenty of times in life when we have to experience discomfort. We don't need to manufacture more so extroverted jerks can lecture introverts on how they can "stretch and grow".

Get over yourselves.

Are you sure you don't need brushing up on your social skills?

Nope. Social skills are fine. Having low tolerance for BS does not mean no social skills. Quite the opposite.

People who say that often have the very worst social skills. It's like saying "No offense, but...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, before this thread I had no idea there were such socially incompetent adults.

Ha!

Which ones are you referring to:

The ones that are self-aware enough to feel awkward at these events?

Or, the ones that don’t understand how someone can feel awkward at these events?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would tell your kids in this situation. It’s not the worst thing in the world to sit at a table with some people you don’t know for a few hours. If it were your kids, you’d encourage them to meet new people and work on their social skills, wouldn’t you? You can do the same. Best case scenario you make a new friend or two, worst case you have a meh experience and just end up talking to your spouse.

It’s ok to experience discomfort in life, you know.

OMG this is such a load of crap. This is not an event of importance. It's a frickin fundraiser for a school. If the school gets the money they need from donations, no one NEEDS to attend these stupid events.

There are plenty of times in life when we have to experience discomfort. We don't need to manufacture more so extroverted jerks can lecture introverts on how they can "stretch and grow".

Get over yourselves.

Are you sure you don't need brushing up on your social skills?

Nope. Social skills are fine. Having low tolerance for BS does not mean no social skills. Quite the opposite.

People who say that often have the very worst social skills. It's like saying "No offense, but...."

My life suggests otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you would tell your kids in this situation. It’s not the worst thing in the world to sit at a table with some people you don’t know for a few hours. If it were your kids, you’d encourage them to meet new people and work on their social skills, wouldn’t you? You can do the same. Best case scenario you make a new friend or two, worst case you have a meh experience and just end up talking to your spouse.

It’s ok to experience discomfort in life, you know.

OMG this is such a load of crap. This is not an event of importance. It's a frickin fundraiser for a school. If the school gets the money they need from donations, no one NEEDS to attend these stupid events.

There are plenty of times in life when we have to experience discomfort. We don't need to manufacture more so extroverted jerks can lecture introverts on how they can "stretch and grow".

Get over yourselves.

Are you sure you don't need brushing up on your social skills?

Nope. Social skills are fine. Having low tolerance for BS does not mean no social skills. Quite the opposite.

People who say that often have the very worst social skills. It's like saying "No offense, but...."

My life suggests otherwise.

Yep. Mine too!

Those that feel they have to say “social skills are fine” and things like “get over yourself” are actually much worse of than me - an introvert who feels awkward at these events but can navigate them, even though I don’t enjoy them. Now, I just don’t attend.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I haven't read all the comments here, but if OP is still reading, let me first of all thank you for your previous willingness to attend the event and support the school. I'm in the camp that believes these events are a waste of time and I'd rather just have higher tuition or send a check, but some truly do enjoy them and work hard to put them on.

As for socialization, I only got to know other parents because we're still in an elementary school and we went to every class birthday party when the kids were young and chatted with folks there. Our school also lets parents gain volunteers hours by hosting a parent party, specifically to let parents socialize with each other. If that's an option, you could try that. Or you could do some volunteer work at the school, which might give you a way to communicate and get to know some of the other parents.

Or not. That's ok too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I was an introverted newbie at the NCS event, but still had a reasonably good time. Organizers: it felt flawless, drinks & food & everything just flowed. (The “sit down now” etc. texts went to my watch, so they weren’t too weird to get.) The auction was more fun to watch than I expected! But it also felt like a pretty seriously lifer crowd; did not see a lot of other parents new to MS or US.

New to NCS as well and the event was really fun. Many thanks to the organizers for all the hard work.

Only our second year and it was fun and we even had 2 friends! I felt so accomplished lol.