Feel awkward going to our school fundraising gala

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

It’s still tacky. It is exclusive and does not allow for mingling. No just no.

People need a place to sit. They aren't going to stand around for hours mingling. You buy the table you get the perks that go with it. Find a group of friends and buy your own table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

It’s still tacky. It is exclusive and does not allow for mingling. No just no.

Clearly you are unfamiliar with fundraising and gala dinners. It's ok to just sit this conversation out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I donate and skip.

I don't donate and skip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Glad many share my feelings on this. What makes it more awkward is when other parents start asking us if we are attending and then I have to make up some lame excuse as to why we aren't. What do you usually say?

I’ve taken to just being honest - “It’s not my thing.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

It’s still tacky. It is exclusive and does not allow for mingling. No just no.

Clearly you are unfamiliar with fundraising and gala dinners. It's ok to just sit this conversation out.

Ha. Actually you have no idea. This is a life I live lots of events and galas and on several boards.

Regarding school events I don’t think it is a great idea. I stand by that.

We know a ton of people btw - but it would be better for people like op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

NP. Wow. Take a downer. YOU sound impossible.

These things are awkward for someone who isn't part of the in-crowd. And not everyone is comfortable with asking someone else if they could join them at a table, or do a table together.

And as someone on the auction committee, you should have absorbed the part about how they contribute to the auction. If you are talking about having enough people to bid, then help change the system so people are left out like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

The mean Mom found the thread.

Pretty sure she doesn’t want to be called “Lady” in such a way for starters.

Clearly she has some social anxiety on this setting. Be a bit more empathetic.

+1
a little empathy can go a long way

[Anonymous]

Same situation as you OP. I've told people I don't know that many people and laugh it off as to why I'm not going. DH doesn't like to attend so if I go, I'm solo. Funny thing is I've probably met 10 people this year who also use the same excuse and aren't going, we could have formed our own table!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I donate and skip.

I don't donate and skip.

I think you might be the silent majority on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound impossible. You’re friendly with other parents but not super close with them. You’re not part of the in crowd so nobody asks you to join their table. You can’t start your own table because you don’t have people to ask to join you. You can’t have the gala organizers seat you at a table because there might be other parents you don’t know yet sitting there. Lady, as a member of my kid’s school auction committee, what exactly do you want?

You know, parents at your kid's school can't stand you, right? These events are so last century, I can't believe anybody still attends them. Schools would be so much better off without them. We write a $25,000 check and do not attend. My money is much better spent that way. Anybody who attends wants to seem cool or is desperate for attention.

Or, you know, they’re having a good time while supporting their kids’ school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people buying tables and then filling them with friends or is it you are just supposed to say who you want to sit with when you buy a ticket? Buying tables is one thing as it usually gains more fundraising dollars, but just choosing who you want to sit with is weird.

At ours either people group together to buy a table, or a someone’s company buys a table and asks people to join - either way it excludes those that don’t socialize heavily at the school. If they wanted more money maybe they could just have on the gala website “grade level table” or something then you know you will be at a table with some kids parents in your grade. But no, that’s not the way it’s done. The organizers will group people at at table sometimes if they are in the same grade and they don’t know where to put them, but it’s not explicit.

That is terrible. A company buys a table? How tacky and exclusive. What school is this?

I have seen this but it's a tax write off. A parent buys a table, aka makes a donation in their company name so the company gets the credit. The parent just invites their usual friends to sit at the "company" table.

It’s still tacky. It is exclusive and does not allow for mingling. No just no.

Clearly you are unfamiliar with fundraising and gala dinners. It's ok to just sit this conversation out.

Ha. Actually you have no idea. This is a life I live lots of events and galas and on several boards.

Regarding school events I don’t think it is a great idea. I stand by that.

We know a ton of people btw - but it would be better for people like op.

Jan, really, it’s okay to not have experience on this topic. A lot of us are the slightly nerdier ones who don’t have too many friends anyway. I promise, no judgement if you don’t come back.

[Anonymous]

older parent advice: Just go and also really dont worry so much about it! It will not be nearly as scary as you feared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Glad many share my feelings on this. What makes it more awkward is when other parents start asking us if we are attending and then I have to make up some lame excuse as to why we aren't. What do you usually say?

I always blamed it on my husband's work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same situation as you OP. I've told people I don't know that many people and laugh it off as to why I'm not going. DH doesn't like to attend so if I go, I'm solo. Funny thing is I've probably met 10 people this year who also use the same excuse and aren't going, we could have formed our own table!

That happened to me a couple years ago too! It does happen occasionally. I’ve been in the private school circuit for about 15 years now (4 kids!) and have only been to a handful of these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:older parent advice: Just go and also really dont worry so much about it! It will not be nearly as scary as you feared.

I’ve been and I politely disagree. I also hate ice breakers at work conferences. I get the same feeling from these.