Thursday's Most Active Threads

Yesterday there were two threads tied as the most active of the day. I'll give the nod to a thread titled, "am I a ‘Karen’ for not wanting my driveway blocked?" which was posted in the "Real Estate" forum. This thread was originally quite a bit longer but I removed several off-topic posts. The original poster says that she lives in a cul-de-sac with limited parking. Three to four days a week, contractors working on her neighbor's home block her driveway with their trucks. In order to pick up her children from school, she has to go over and ask for the trucks to be moved so that she can get out. After this occurred a number of times, her neighbor posted in their Facebook group that she was being a "Karen" and didn't have the right to interrupt the contractors' work. I've often said that DCUM could be be a good topic for someone's PhD thesis because it demonstrates so much about human behavior that could be analyzed and dissected. One characteristic is for posters to respond to posts with little regard for the actual topic, but instead to focus on their own personal crusade of the day. In this case, four posts into the thread a poster chastised the original poster for using the term "Karen". I've written before about how I don't like the name "Karen" being used as a pejorative (and I proposed that it be replaced by "Elon"), but it is clear that the original poster is only using the term because that is what her neighbor called her. If this was somehow too subtle for some readers, the original poster explicitly explained this in a response to the previous poster. Nevertheless, the thread was significantly diverted by posters protesting the use of "Karen". I removed those posts, otherwise this thread would have overwhelmingly been the most active yesterday. The second characteristic of human behavior that might be worth studying is the tendency to — for lack of a better term — nitpick or find fault with the original poster no matter what. While the original poster said that her driveway was being blocked, she also said that sometimes she was able to maneuver her car around the trucks and get out, albeit with some difficulty and only after moving another of her family's cars. One poster latched on to this as evidence that the original poster was, at best, not being truthful and, at worst, was trolling. This really misses the point. The third characteristic demonstrated is the lengths to which some folks will go to excuse bad behavior. One poster agreed with the original poster's neighbor because the contractors don't have anywhere else to park and, therefore, blocking her driveway is understandable and asking them to move is wrong. On the brighter side, several of those responding offered a good solution of purchasing some traffic cones and placing them at the end of her driveway.

Tied with the previous thread after I had cleaned that thread up was a thread originally posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum. This morning I moved the thread to the "Elementary School-Aged Kids" forum after reading it for the first time. Titled, "How to parent hard child", the original poster says that her 8 1/2 year old daughter has been in therapy due to struggling with anxiety and emotional regulation that causes her to overreact to minor things and spiral into temper tantrums. When dealing with the girl, the original poster occasionally loses her cool and has to take time to calm down before offering her daughter support and reassurance. A surprising number of other posters weigh in to say that they are in the exact same situation with their own daughters. One poster who went through this said the solution had been to be very strict and set clear boundaries and expectations. This advice was reinforced by another poster who provided a lengthy response that included several additional suggestions. Another suggestion was for the original poster to get therapy for herself. As I read this thread I was struck by how the responses were almost all supportive and I didn't notice much, if any, of the usual "blame the original poster" attitude that often shows up on DCUM. To the contrary, this thread really represents the best that DCUM has to offer. So, good job folks.

The next most active thread was titled, "Twins and dating" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. The original poster has teen daughter and son twins. They have generally gotten along very well and any disagreements were very short-lived. However, recently the boy had a crush on the girl's close friend. The girl advised the boy not to ask her out, but the boy did anyway. The friend turned down the boy and while he has taken the rejection in stride, his sister is extremely angry and has gone two weeks without speaking to him. The original poster has not encountered anything like this with her children before and, while she is trying to stay out of it, wonders if there is a better way to handle things. Most of the discussion is about whether or not it was appropriate for the son to ask out his sister's friend. Most posters believe that friends should be off limits and, therefore, sided with the daughter. Others took the position that the daughter could not control her brother's life and that he should be free to date whomever he wanted. This sister/brother dynamic, especially between twins, is apparently very common and a number of posters had first hand experience to describe. About the only advice for the original poster, other than to continue staying out if it, was to encourage her son to apologize to his sister for disregarding her wishes and upsetting her. However, other posters disagreed with this advice because, in their view, the son had done nothing that required an apology. Conversely, some posters think that the daughter's silent treatment toward her brother is unacceptable and that the original poster should do something about that. But, again, this advice was disputed by those who thought the mother would only make things worse and that the kids should be left to resolve things on their own. I was very close to saying that this thread was another example of the best of DCUM until it deteriorated right at the end. I think a few posters may have started reliving their own childhood trauma. The last post in the thread was by the original poster saying that the thread had jumped the shark, but thanking posters for their input. I took that as a sign to lock the thread.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. Titled, "What are the unwritten/unspoken rules in life?", the original poster says that her tween child asked her this and the only thing of which she could think was to always be kind. But, she thinks that's an inadequate response and asks what suggestions others might have. I don't have a lot to say about this thread because it is mostly one suggestion after another and attempting to summarize them all is more than I am up to at the moment. I also didn't read the thread very completely, but I don't think there were many pearls of wisdom buried there. The suggestions I saw ran the spectrum from what are better described as simple manners to posters' own personal dictums. One poster characterized the thread as a "mix of actual unspoken life rules and people trying to articulate their personal prime directives." As was noted early on in the thread, many of the suggestions are culturally dependent and particular to context. Moreover, many of the proposed "unwritten/unspoken rules" are actually spoken and written quite frequently.