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Twins and dating
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Anonymous
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I have teen boy/girl twins. They go to the same HS, have an overlapping friend group, and are generally close (unless someone annoys someone and even then the annoyance is typically short lived and they're sitting next to each other on the sofa sharing memes etc within a few minutes). Boy had a crush on girl's close friend. Girl advised boy not to ask out the friend. Boy asked friend out. Friend said no. Girl is LIVID. Now we're on week 2 of girl not talking to boy while boy pretends that everything is fine.
I understand why girl is upset- she's afraid that friend won't want to be around boy and by extension her (not happening, friend was over to do homework twice since the ask). I think boy should have taken girl's advice, and not asked, but here we are. And, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take... so, in some ways good on him for trying, and also moving on when she said no. I'm trying to stay out of all this, but I wonder if there is a better way that I can support them right now. It's the first real rift we've had in the family. |
Anonymous
| Kids move on from this stuff quickly. Great sign the girl came over twice. Give it time, it will blow over. Dynamics within friends groups soft. This is a minor thing. I don't think they will be thinking about it in a few weeks. |
Anonymous
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I wonder why she's so upset--especially because you said the friend has been over twice since the ask. Is there a way to have this conversation with your daughter one on one?
If they have the same friend group, I think that your kids need to understand that this kind of thing might happen. Why do you think DS should have taken DD's advice? As long as DS can be friendly after being turned down, I don't really see what the problem is in him asking. I honestly think it's better that he asked and got his answer rather than quietly holding a torch bc DD discouraged him from asking the girl out. Maybe your DD is easily threatened? Maybe your DD has feelings for this girl as well? In our family we don't do the silent treatment thing--I'd be super concerned about that, and get on it right away. Needing space for a bit is okay but not talking for over a week? Absolutely unacceptable. |
Anonymous
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Teach them to move along in life. Two weeks is a long time to not talk to sib. I would tell DD this is not an ideal way to deal with conflict. She really has no say in who DS asks out.
I work tell DS that he should probably listen to DD next time. She likely knows what is going on. |
Anonymous
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Your daughter is out of line AND seems to be the only person involved who won’t let it go at this point.
But, obviously you can’t tell her that bc she’s a teen girl and she will crucify you. Stay out of it and wait for it to end. |
Anonymous
| What exactly is your daughter so mad about? The thought of being replaced in the friendship by a boy and losing her friend? That her brother didn't take her advice? |
Anonymous
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They should not be dating each other’s friends. Your son disregarded her opinion and also over stepped asking a close friend.
I completely see your daughters point of view on this. A good relationship can ruin their friendship. A break-up could ruin their friendship. Any toxic crap that happens during relationship could ruin friendship. They should both say 5 friends that are off limits. Plenty other fish in the sea. |
Anonymous
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Wow, I think you need to teach your daughter that she does not own her friends of her brother, and that her friends and brother are free to date whoever they like without getting your daughters ok!!
Your daughter is going to grow up to be the kind of nightmare sister in law who tries to sabotage her brothers relationships if you don’t nip this in the bud. You need to talk to her about this. Her controlling behavior is not ok |
Anonymous
No. They should not expect to be able to control who the other dates. That is messed up. |
Anonymous
True but it’s also not OP’s job to control how the siblings talk to each other about dating. They’ll figure it out on their own. |
Anonymous
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It's fine. You should stay out of it and not give it any oxygen from you. Your twins are figuring out how to navigate disagreements with each other. When your DD sees that nothing has changed, she will move on. There is nothing alarming about what happened. This is typical teen stuff.
I know that you would like them to still have a good relationship. I totally understand. I have b/g twins who have a close relationship and very few extended family members. I would be one of my greatest wishes that they remain close all their lives, but that is out of my control. My kids are different though they get along great. I have seen them pull apart at different times in their childhood only to come back together (probably as the maturity gap has narrowed.) I know as younger teens, there will be another one or two "pulling aparts" in their future (i.e. the maturing that comes with late high school, going through college and figuring out their future, maybe meeting long term significant others) I can only hope that they will find their way back to each other. There is only so much I can do. |
Anonymous
Disagree completely. |
Anonymous
| Stay out of it, except for general universal rules like no sleepovers or whatever |
Anonymous
Teen dating ruins everything, friend-wise. |
Anonymous
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Did you son apologize for doing something that upset his sister? If not, I'd encourage him to. Just say "I know you asked me not to and I did it anyhow and I'm sorry I upset you". Or whatever teens say.
Next, your DD needs to understand that we don't give people the silent treatment. It's mean and abusive. She doesn't have to go back to being pals, if she feels wronged it's ok to be upset, but it's not ok to refuse to speak to someone. She doesn't need to snap back to "chummy best friends" but she does need to make an effort to be polite, which includes speaking. |