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Wednesday's Most Active Threads

by Jeff Steele — last modified Mar 07, 2024 11:12 AM

Yesterday's topics with the most engagement included the prevalence of non-binary individuals, a young mother at private school (a thread disrupted by a troll), restaurants that don't live up to their reputations, and an inappropriate remark about Israel by a work colleague.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Trans Non Binary - minority?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster says that she has toured at least six colleges in the last 2 1/2 months and on every tour at least one guide has used "they/them" pronouns. This prevalence of non-binary gender is much higher than the original poster has been told exists in the population at-large and she wonders if being non-binary is simply more common among college students. Anything related to transgender or non-binary gender is a hot button issue these days, but even I was surprised that this thread grew to 18 pages in just a few hours, at which point I locked it. The immediate issue I saw with this thread was that it appeared that many posters were significantly more interested in writing than reading. This resulted in many posters talking past each other. One poster repeatedly insisted that other posters did not know the difference between sex, gender, and sexual orientation despite almost every poster appearing to have a fairly solid understanding of those concepts. In response to the original poster's question about the prevalence of being non-binary, posters suggested that the numbers were actually higher than the original poster had been told and that numbers were higher yet among young people. Other posters pointed out that even individuals who are not non-binary often choose to use "they/them" pronouns for a variety of reasons. Therefore, the tour guides the original poster encountered might not necessarily identify as non-binary. The thread was soon bogged down in the normal tedious debates surrounding transgender and non-binary topics. One poster made an ill-conceived comparison of non-binary individuals to tomboys. This provoked nearly every tomboy who has ever set foot on DCUM to weigh in claiming that they never once considered themselves to be non-binary. Most of the thread is simply unreadable and, hence, I didn't read much of it. I think the only relevance to colleges or universities was some petty bickering about which posters would do better on their SAT exams. Given the inability of so many posters to communicate successfully, I wouldn't hold out much hope for any of them. The one conclusion that was easily discernible is that a number of posters hate when other people use pronouns such as "they/them". They view this as forcing them to categorize themselves in ways in which they don't identify and they resent it. They hate the idea of having a label forced on them so much that they demand that those individuals who choose to identify as "they/them" be forced to use one of two acceptable labels instead. Another irony that I noted is that many posters reacted to "they/them" pronouns by complaining about there being too many categories of gender. One of the main characteristics of identifying as non-binary is that it erases gender. So, if fewer categories is better, this would seem ideal.

Next was a thread posted in the "Private & Independent Schools" forum titled, "Young Parent-Do you pass judgement?" The original poster says that she will be a new parent at a private high school and that she is typically 10-20 years younger than most parents. She is worried that she will not be accepted because of her age and this might hurt her son's chances of fitting in. A number of parents — some of whom are also much younger than the average parent — assure her that her age will likely not be a problem. Parent interaction in high school is limited in any case. But, unfortunately, this thread was completely destroyed by a troll who was massively triggered by the idea of a young mother. Even worse, this troll was mostly set off by a poster who was not the original poster, but another young mother. This troll was so crazy and so disruptive, that I'm going to repeat something I tried previously and simply list this troll's posts. This will give a good window into the crazy that exists on DCUM. I will leave out quoted portions of her posts and only post the troll's own writings. Each paragraph was a single response.

How old were you when you had your child(ren)?

His peers won’t care but the parents would. You’re in a different time of your life than other parents. I also question your judgment for having children at a very young age so I would not engage with you if I didn’t have to.

Well, they do care to the extent that she generally would not connect with people who are decades older.

This is not what she should be striving for nor do I think she is.

What?! 15!!! And again at 18?! Holy shit! You didn’t learn a lesson at 15! No, no way would I ever let my son or daughter go to your home or anything outside of school.

Is that a typo? Please tell me you mean 25 and 28.

Competent? In what, apart from multiple teenage pregnancies.

Um, no.

Well, if your kids follow in your footsteps, you’ll be a grandma within the year so…

Ahhhh, sweet teenage pregnancy.

That’s embarrassing for your college freshman. People are having kids for the first or second time at that age, not sending kids to college.

It’s not cattiness, it simply not a shared parent age experience.

Parents don’t want their children hanging outside of school with other children who have parents with irresponsible behavior. I don’t know a soul who has two children as a teen. Wouldn’t OP be mortified if her high schooler was expecting two children? Maybe not.

Having 2 teen pregnancies is “pearl clutching.” Or you’re just an idiot.

Her age will be obvious.

That reminds me, I need to put my hoe in the shed.

That’s all it takes to be a good parent?

Then why are you not showing kindness with your snark?

NP. There are always those on here who pretend to be better than others who hypocritically act the same way as the ones they are pointing fingers at.

So, you don’t know them and yet you said they are doing everything they can to be a good parent. You don’t know that.

I’m not the pp you replied to but I don’t think anyone who has a child at 15 and then again at 18 is not a good parent. I think that shows very, very poor parenting, in fact. [Admin Note: the poster is the poster to whom the previous poster was replying.]

I’m sorry, but no, I just could not.

How many other once 15 and 18 years old private school parents do you think are out there. How many public school ones? None that I know or that any other know.

15 and 18 is just so disturbing.

Did you not say you had 2 teen pregnancies? Hold your own opinions? Honey, your opinions are flawed. Not writing “mean things on the internet” is what you’re concerned about?

My child’s private school has a student ratio of 40% who pay no tuition. You don’t know that all privates do this?

Simple, donations pay for it.

Quick learner? You had two babies as a teen. I would say otherwise.


This HAS to be a troll.

So, we should promote teen pregnancies.

Sorry, the school has been open for nearly a century so you would be wrong.

Sex Ed refresher for you would do some good. And throw in some inferential reading comprehension with an English tutor for good measure for you.

Yeah, those who have children at an appropriate age suck and are automatically old.

Do me a favor and mow my grass after you clean my toilets.

The only bad is you having 2 pregnancies as a teen. No one has to have pity on you or befriend you.

Insecure about no having children as teens. I don’t think so.

Um, no I looked good at 36 and current age. I also did not want to be a parent of multiple children as a teen. No one is jealous, I promise.

Sorry, I’m a teen mom and need my parents to pay for it.

Didn’t buy you any, I see.

Actually, no it isn’t their choice.

What time will you over to do the jobs?

Judgment will be passed and those pretending that they don’t are liars. They are passing judgment on people on here who don’t agree with them.

No, public or private. I would not hang out or socialize with OP or want my children to either. It’s the irresponsibility and immaturity of OP that is evident.

You must be an expert housekeeper, as I suspected since you’re costly. I’ll pay and I’ll laugh at you the whole time. Thanks for the laugh as you twist yourself into a frenzy.

Plenty of mature people engage with me. I don’t want to engage with you and anyone who condones teenage pregnancy.

Since you can’t take a hint, I don’t want the invite and wouldn’t go.

It’s mutual and I decided it. Just so you know.

Paid for by donations from non teenage parents.

Circumstances of 2 teen pregnancies? Promiscuous behavior? No?

No one believes you disingenuous comment at a failed “gotcha.”

NP-You think there are no donations to those who can’t afford tuition? If so, you know nothing about privates. [Admin note: she is not a new poster.]

I’m not the one who commented but that is not a so, what situation. Wtf is wrong with you? [Admin note: she is the one who commented.]

OP, when did you have this kid?

That’s about the kids, not you.

You being one.


You sound a lot dumber than everyone on here.

The OP is Mary?

Because op never said those things. No one knows if she has a career, pays the tuition, or is not a troll.

Cementing your idiocy.

All of these posts in a 10 page thread. Things that stand out to me are the troll's repeated sock puppeting and efforts to hide that she had previously posted. While she repeatedly abused other posters, she also frequently made herself out to be the victim. Just an incredibly disappointing display altogether.

The next most active thread was posted in the "Food, Cooking, and Restaurants" forum. Titled, "What restaurant does everyone love but you think is meh?", the original poster suggests Founding Farmers as a restaurant that doesn't live up to its reputation. There are two things I don't like about this thread. First, from the point of view of someone trying to summarize the thread, threads that are just lists of names are a pain. I don't want to simply repost all of the suggestion and nor do I want to go through and tally up which restaurant received the most mentions. In addition, I don't like negative threads. I'd rather see a thread about which restaurants exceeded your expectations. Then I would have some ideas about where to go out to eat next. I will say, however, that there was huge agreement about Founding Fathers being "meh", which just happens to be my own personal opinion as well. On the other hand, the poster who suggested Moby Dick needs to have her tastebuds examined. Moby's kabobs are terrific. Lot's of popular restaurants were mentioned which provoked one poster to get upset and suggest that these posters begin posting on Yelp. He declared that posters such as these trash popular places as a way of feeling superior and called the behavior "silly". However, I note that even he didn't object to the bashing of Founding Fathers. Moreover, one of the earlier posters responded to say that she was indeed "a YELP Elite" and had given one of the restaurants that had been discussed a poor review. One poster held a poor opinion of most restaurants, explaining that now that she doesn't have to worry about cooking for kids, she would much rather cook and enjoy a meal at home with her husband. She recognized advantages of restaurants when she had kids to feed, but now she would rather eat at her or a friend's home.

The next few threads were all ones that I've previously discussed and will skip today. Therefore the last thread that I will review was actually the seventh most popular yesterday. Posted in the "Jobs and Careers" forum and titled "Coworker said Israel shouldn’t exist", the original poster described herself as Jewish and being upset by member of her team at work who light-heartedly said that Israel shouldn't exist. The team member is Palestinian and the original poster has tremendous sympathy for him and what is happening in Gaza. She doesn't consider the remark to be anti-Semitic, but she also does not think that it is acceptable. She wants to maintain a good relationship with the person and wants advice about what to do. Some posters suggested simply ignoring the remark and focusing on maintaining a good relationship at work. Others advised that the original poster approach her office's human resources department if they have one or her supervisor and complain about a hostile work environment. Several posters objected to this advice because they think that it will either make things worse or end up hurting the original poster more. A couple of posters suggested simply talking to the individual first. I actually think that is the best advice. Because he made the remark in a lighthearted manner, he may not understand that his remark was offensive and bothered the original poster. A surprising number of posters described either encountering this sort of issue themselves are knowing others who have faced it. Most of them have chosen to ignore it. Before the first page was complete, posters began debating the Israel-Palestine conflict. This seems to happen in almost everything thread that is even remotely connected to the war. A number of posters used Israel's actions to justify the co-worker's remark and several said that they agree with it. This would all be very interesting and appropriate in the politics forum, but it is far from appropriate in the jobs forum. I didn't notice this thread right away yesterday — I spend very little time in the jobs forum. But, once it was brought to my attention, I locked it. I do want to end this with one admonition, however. While I am happy to see the terrible situation facing the people of Gaza receive attention (while also wishing that attention was confined to appropriate venues), I urge every supporter of the Palestinians to be sensitive to those with differing views, especially Jews. Like the original poster, many Jewish Americans have nuanced views and have their own struggles related to the situation in the region. They should be treated with respect and understanding.

Laila says:
Mar 09, 2024 10:24 PM
I’m not sure if my previous comment went through because I lost connection, but I found it unsensitive that you only admonished Palestinians to show respect and understanding and not the other side which I have seen defend, genocide and mass killing on this very website
Jeff Steele says:
Mar 09, 2024 10:31 PM
The thread in question was about a Palestinian who offended a Jewish woman so that I was the context that I addressed my admonishment. If you are familiar with my previous writings on the conflict, you would know that most of the pro-Israel folks completely reject what I have to say. So, it would be pretty useless to offer them advice.
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