DCUM Weblog

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Southwest Airlines in a nationwide meltdown" and posted in the "Travel Discussion" forum. As the title makes clear, the thread is about the mass cancellations that affected Southwest Airlines over the past days. The thread is full of horror stories by posters who have had flights cancelled by the airline. One poster told of having their children bumped from a flight while the parents retained their seats (which they eventually gave up). A couple of posters tried to excuse the airline by blaming the weather, but as other posters were quick to point out, cancellations by other airlines were nowhere close to the level of Southwest. One poster attempted to blame the passengers themselves for choosing to travel during a busy time for airlines, again ignoring the fact that other airlines were not suffering similar difficulties. In fact, the thread appears to have attracted an inordinate number of obtuse posters who were unable or unwilling to grasp the full extent of the problems affecting Southwest, which may take a week or more to resolve. These posters essentially trolled those suffering from flight cancellations by suggesting they had some sort of superpowers that would have saved them from from similar problems. Some posters, losing hope that Southwest would come through for them, discussed alternative means of travel. In addition, there was a general discussion of why so many travellers prefer Southwest.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "When you didn’t 'do enough' as a host" and posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. The original poster is upset because she hosted her family's Christmas celebration and was told by her sister that she had done almost everything wrong. The start time was too late, the food was wrong, and other issues. The original poster simply wants to vent. Posters were shocked that a guest would be so rude, though there is some agreement that sisters can be especially difficult at times. There were many requests for more details so that those responding could better understand the situation. After the original poster revealed that the dinner consisted of "heavy apps", almost all of the discussion turned toward whether that was suitable for a meal. Many posters thought that heavy apps simply wouldn't be sufficient, though that didn't necessarily justify such criticism. Other posters were big fans of heavy apps. While the heavy app debate raged, the original poster apparently took a nap, only to return and express surprise at the number of responses her holiday dinner thread had provoked. The main takeaway for me from this thread is that I have no idea what is meant by "heavy apps". One poster, who was not the original poster, tried to explain but basically described an entire regular meal. That only added to the confusion and, in the end, neither I nor several other posters were left any wiser.

Today I'll look at the most active threads over the weekend, skipping any that were previously discussed. The most active thread was titled, "Anyone else with gift disappointment?" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. This type of thread is practically an annual tradition on DCUM. While the thread is supposed to be about disappointment with gifts, there are probably more posts scolding those complaining for not being grateful for the good things they have in life. There was not much sympathy expressed for those who were upset. Many posters related that they had bought themselves gifts and were satisfied with that. Others said they and their spouses had agreed on gifts beforehand. Some of the moms complained that they had expended considerable energy trying to get the perfect gifts for others, only to be overlooked themselves. In general, husbands come out looking pretty poorly in this thread, a perception to which a couple of the men posting owned up.

On Sundays I look at the most active threads of the past week. My habit is to skip threads that were already included in one of the daily posts and, this week, all but two of the top ten most active threads were already discussed. As a result, I am limiting today's posts to those two.

One thread that was not previously mentioned was posted in the "Off-Topic" forum and titled, "We took down our Christmas Cards today". For those with a taste for the absurd or who believe that real life has surpassed satire, this thread is for you. The original poster is so disappointed that he has only received five Christmas cards that he decided to remove them from his mantel rather than continue to suffer the humiliation caused by such a small number. Mind you, this thread was posted on December 18th, a date on which many might still be in the process of preparing cards. While I wouldn't exactly say that the original poster's lament generated a wave of sympathy, many of the initial replies were supportive in the sense that they attempted to provide explanations for the disappointing number of cards and encouragement that the original poster might still receive additional cards in coming days. Several posters explained that many people have given up on cards and chosen other ways to communicate holiday greetings. The original poster was not mollified and posted again saying how hurt he was that he no longer mattered to those who didn't send him a card. The original poster also demonstrated somewhat of a vindictive streak towards those who didn't send him cards, prompting replies to become less friendly.

The most active thread yesterday was the Christmas version of a thread that was one of the most active at Thanksgiving. Titled, "Petty Holiday Vent thread 2022" and posted in the "Family Relationships" forum, the purpose of the thread apparently is to recount petty vents involving the holidays. I'm not a fan of this genre of threads which consists almost entirely of whining about, well, petty things. It would be one thing if the complaints were funny, but based on the few posts I bothered to read, they aren't. If your idea of fun on Christmas Eve is reading 14 pages of posts about mother-in-laws bringing opened milk containers to dinner or sending you unwanted gifts, then you are in luck because DCUM has come through for you. If you, like me, would rather have teeth pulled then read such a thread, then we are also lucky because there are plenty of other threads for us to read. Because that is exactly what I intend to do, I have nothing more to say about this thread.

The Sex Pistols famously broke up following a concert at San Francisco's Winterland Ballroom that ended with Johnny Rotten laying on the stage and asking the audience "do you ever feel like you've been cheated?" For some reason, I thought of that moment when I realized that yesterday's most active thread was another Harry and Meghan topic. This one, posted in the "Entertainment and Pop Culture" forum, was titled, "New Netflix documentary: 'Live to Lead' from Harry and Meghan". Summarizing a thread about the Sussexes is fairly easy. All you need are the words "Meghan", "crazies", and "locked". The rest is filler. Even so, that makes it no less trying on my patience. As the title suggests, this thread is focused on a new Netflix documentary series hosted by Harry and Meghan. The series consists of interviews of world leaders conducted some years ago. Apparently, whoever owned the rights to the interviews repurposed them for Netflix. The fact that Harry and Meghan had nothing to do with the interviews is a major point of discussion in this thread. Many posters praised the interviews but, of course, arguments about H & M dominate the thread. As has been well established by prior threads, Meghan is a magnet for haters who, despite my best efforts, could not be kept out of the thread. I locked it when things reached the point that the couple's fans were being compared to "MAGA Trimpers" (sic). When we launched this parenting forum many years ago, managing countless threads about the Duke & Duchess of Sussex was not part of our business plan. So, yes, I feel cheated.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Getting Divorced. People Say 'I’m sorry.' Why?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that she is getting divorced and, when she tells people, they say, "I am so sorry" but she doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. To the contrary, she feels like it is her best decision in years. She wonders why people say this. Many of those responsding explain why they would say they were sorry in such circumstances while others suggest ways to respond or redirect the conversation. If you have been around DCUM long enough you have likely come to recognize certain posters who have specific obsessions and will find ways of turning almost any discussion towards their particular fixation. Threads about divorce, regardless the initial focus of the thread, generally attract one or more posters who are consumed by the impact of divorce on children. Despite the original poster not saying anything about children, already by the second page posters began discussing how divorce affects kids. The thread also attracted a particularly nasty troll who was intent on insulting the original poster and others. As a result, I had to continually return to this thread to remove that poster's posts. I wouldn't think the topic of the thread would be that controversial, but the thread became an outlet for posters' own neuroses.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "DH thinks my low sex drive is not the norm because of his lack of experience with women." and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster explains that her husband only had one long term relationship prior to her. They've been married for 10 years and are in their early 60s. The original poster's sex drive has diminished and the couple is only intimate about once a month. The original poster's husband believes this is not normal and would prefer a greater frequency. Many of those responding agree with the original poster that sex drives decline after menopause. But, as is always the case with this type of discussion on DCUM, there are posters eager to proclaim that despite their advanced ages and lengthy marriages, they have the libidos of teenagers and sex lives of rabbits. The other certainty of this type of thread is that posters will show up to argue that husbands whose sexual desires are not fulfilled are justified in cheating. So, of course, there is a debate about that in the thread.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Annoyed that ILs are unhelpful to us when we visit them, but expect us to do a ton as 'good guests'" and posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. The original poster explains that she, her husband, and three young kids are visiting her in-laws and her in-laws don't do anything to help with the kids. The original poster says that she feels like a nanny as she tries to keep the kids occupied and entertained while her husband sits with his parents talking about politics or theater. Moreover, the original poster and her husband are expected to wash dishes after meals and strip the bed linens when they leave. I get that posters frequently use DCUM to vent and aren't really expecting much in the way of advice or helpful feedback. But really? Complaining about stripping bed linens? DCUM is traditionally hostile to threads perceived as whiny and this thread seems especially whiny. So, having read the first post of the thread and seeing that the thread is 11 pages long, my expectation is that the thread likely consists entirely of posters lambasting the original poster. However, because I don't feel like readling that many pages of such posts, I'm not going to check to see whether my expectation is correct. Reading the first page of replies suggests that the one thing that I overlooked is that those responding would be even more critical of her husband than they are of the original poster (though that is often cloaked of criticism of her as well). I don't see anyone offering the original poster much sympathy.

Today I'll look at the most active threads over the weekend. The most active thread has been around for a few days, having been created on December 15. Titled, "SAHDs are not lepers" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum, the thread picked up momentum over the weekend, gaining an additional 9 pages of replies. The original poster describes several incidents in which he has been treated suspiciously when simply doing normal things as a stay at home dad. Unfortunately for the original poster, the replies did not get off to a good start as the first response was simply a list of statistics showing that men commit most of the listed crimes. While a few posters did sympathize with the original poster, by and large those responding either theorized that his behavior was creepy or that the original poster simply gave the impression of being a pervert. Later in the thread some posters, including other stay at home dads, did offer support for the original poster. However, much of the debate then turned to the fact that these were likely white men who had not previously been in situations in which they were considered suspicious or prevented from doing normal activities. They were told that they should accommodate themselves to the situation just as members of other groups are forced to do. In other words, "you might not be a leper, but you are a member of a group that contains lots of lepers and just like other groups prone to leprosy, you should walk around ringing a bell." This is a guilty until proven innocent mentality that shouldn't be acceptable regardless to whom it was directed. But, unfortunately, in the world in which we live, it is fairly common.