Tuesday's Most Active Threads

Yesterday must have been groundhog day, at least as far as the two most active threads were concerned. Both dealt with topics that I thought had been put behind us. The first of these threads was titled, "People still masking every day at work" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster says that she works in a federal office and there are a few people who mask every day. She finds this weird and wonders if they are not vaccinated or just super paranoid. The first poster to respond claims that those who are not vaccinated are unlikely to wear masks. I am fairly certain that nobody disputed this contention. Other posters claim that these individuals are likely just very concerned about catching COVID, though not necessarily without justification. For instance, they may have conditions that put them at high risk or live with someone who does. Multiple posters pointed out that for some people having COVID was very traumatic, in some cases requiring long hospitalization and causing them to be near death. Others lost family members. In such cases, the individuals might be suffering from something akin to PTSD. I noticed that when masking was common, a number of those who suffer from allergies found that masks provided relief. Along these lines, some posters said that they know of people who are now masking due to allergies or asthma. Several posters took the position that it is none of the original poster's business why people mask and argued that it is strange to care so much about this. To be fair, the original poster simply seems to be curious and doesn't really appear to care all that much. On the other hand, masking seems to infuriate some people and send them completely over the edge. One poster compared those masking today to "an unkempt man muttering to himself". Another wrote that "They're mentally ill and should not be coddled". Some posters just can't stop themselves from turning everything political such as the poster who argued that "lefties are nuts about Covid." One poster suggested that masking and showing other signs of being overly COVID cautious was simply a ploy by those individuals to be "weird out" their colleagues and, thereby, be allowed to work from home. The 2024 version of Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H, I guess. Personally, I agreed completely with the poster who wrote:

It's sad to me that we are still judging people for masking in 2024. It does not affect you. You don't know someone elses home circumstances. Just leave them alone.

The second thread that is making me feel like I am time travelling was posted in the "Jobs and Careers" forum. Titled, "PSA: A group of WFH people in the DC area are about to be called back in", the post is the lamest public service announcement in the history of public service announcements. It is more of a vent really. The original poster complains that a few individuals are being unresponsive during the day and are going to ruin "it" for others. Apparently, "it" is working from home. The original poster concludes by saying that the "lazy ones" need to get it together. For the most part, this thread is a rehash of the many earlier threads dealing with working from home. A good chunk of the posters think that everyone, or at least nearly everyone, who works from home is lazy and is off lollygagging during the day instead of working. Several posters who favor working from home contend that they've never been more productive and hold anyone who supports returning to the office in very low esteem. Some posters argue that whether working from home or in the office, managers are able to tell who is productive and who is not. Therefore, productive workers will be noticed even if at home. The original poster disagrees with this point and is concerned that the lazy employees will cause all employees, lazy or not, to be called back to the office. My favorite part of threads like this one is when posters start accusing each other of shirking their work from home responsibilities by posting on DCUM. This is always a pot calling the kettle black situation. Credit to the poster who fessed up to using DCUM just as much when she worked in the office though. Many of those who seem to be policing the behavior of others come in for criticism themselves. "Who are all these people concerned with how those around them are working? It's bizarre", wrote one poster. Two posters got into a very heated argument with each other that spanned several pages. This involved lots of name-calling and insults. A typical exchange was, "You are a busy body" to which the other poster replied "now you are really emotional". I am fairly certain that at least one of these posters at one point claimed that they were checking on DCUM during the day as means of decompressing from her regular job. I wonder how that is working out? Mixed between the fighting and the arguments about who is lazy and who is not were a few posts about the future of working from home. Depending upon who you believe, it is either here to stay or about to end at any moment. My advice for lazy work at homers is to keep your blinds drawn so that your nosey neighbors can't easily spy on you and continue using DCUM. We are here to serve.

The next most active thread was the one I discussed yesterday about equitable math in Fairfax County Public Schools. I'll skip that one today and go on to the next which was titled, "how to tell 10 yo they have to change schools" and posted in the "Elementary School-Aged Kids" forum. The original poster says that her 10-year-old daughter has a very low tolerance for frustration. They have had her evaluated repeatedly, but nothing has been found beyond mild anxiety for which she is currently in therapy. Her private school is apparently no longer willing to put up with the child's outbursts and has suggested that she go to public school next year. The original poster fears that her daughter will be devastated by this news and will blame herself. She asks for advice about how to make the transition better for her. Many of those responding were quite mean in their responses and several posts in this thread were reported to me yesterday. Posters generally were not very sympathetic to the original poster or her daughter. Many ignored the point of the post and, instead, conjectured about who or what was to blame for the situation. Similarly, other posters advised the original poster about how to treat her daughter's anxiety rather than dealing with the more specific issue of transitioning schools. In a follow-up post, the original poster expressed concern about whether parents at the new school would want their children to avoid making friends with someone who had been kicked out of private school. This caused a fairly heated discussion about whether or not parents would do such a thing. One point with which I agree that was made by some posters is that neither parents nor children at the public school will likely have any clue why the original poster's daughter has switched schools. There were also continual questions, and responses from the original poster, about the type of evaluations her child had been given and treatments that had been suggested. The original poster devoted a huge number of posts to emphasizing the types of punishments she has been giving her daughter due to her bad behavior. One poster offered what I thought was good advice by saying that instead of punishing the child at this point, view the transition to the new school as a chance for a fresh start. The original poster seems to have fallen into a cycle of punishment for bad behavior not having the desired effect and, therefore, attempting more punishment. This has reached the point at which the original poster is basically out of punishments. As several posters emphasize, it may be time to try a new strategy. As such, many posters offered advice for other ways to improve the child's behavior.

The final thread that I will discuss today was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?", the original poster says that she and her husband are in their late forties and have witnessed many separations and divorces. Even the couples that they know that are still married are unhappily married. She wonders what happened to "happily ever after?" For her part, the original poster says that her husband does a lot of things that irritate her, but nothing that she would want to get divorced over. The first thing I would point out to the original poster is that "happily ever after" comes from fairy tales, not marriage vows. This may be an important distinction because later in the thread a poster contends — with considerable support from other posters — that "happily ever after" never existed and that marriages have always, in fact, been difficult. I will say that this is one of the more substantive threads I've seen in this forum for quite some time. Responses are thoughtful and many are quite insightful. Several posters suggest that it is not only common, but practically to be expected, to have problems in a marriage at that age. As one poster put it:

I don't know a single couple who hasn't had issues at that age. I feel it's entirely normal and understandable to come to mid-life, deal with perimenopause hormones and whatever men get at the same age, disruptive adolescents, aging parents, and see your professional and private hopes reframe themselves naturally.

The pattern that emerges from responses is that marriages can be rough at that age even when things are going well or at least normally. But, add in additional stresses and it may be too much. As one poster explained, "Illness, struggling children, and financial problems put a strain on many marriages when people are in their late forties." Therefore, while many marriages survive these rough patches, others do not. Some posters blame the Internet for the wave of divorces. Such criticism is two-fold. On the one hand, the Internet is alleged to make cheating or finding a new partner easier and to make it more manageable to find a new job and get set up in a new city. On the other hand, curated impressions of happy marriages on social media cause those in normal, bumpy road marriages to think the grass is greener on the other side of the road. Despite all of this, many posters stress that divorce is rare among their friends. One poster claimed that statistics show that highly-educated upper middle class families rarely divorce. Because that demographic very much represents the DCUM userbase, that may explain why so many users rarely encounter divorces in their social circles.