Vent: MB and DB told me not to touch there food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The food thing seems to be a touchy issue for lots of people, like when only whites were allowed to eat in certain places, and other people had to keep their food separate. You know... contamination and all. Right?

Not even f***ing close. Just stop Stop trying to compare nannying injustices (ridiculous first world problems here on DCUM) to actual civil and human rights abuses.

Guilty much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know parents who don't pay the nanny enough to afford her own food. She eats theirs or nothing. She's thin.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, OP, I certainly don't think this is something to quit over. You weren't offered anything you want in the fridge to begin with, you took something, and the parents wanted to make it clear that it was not part of your compensation. As an MB who has many times let things go because I didn't want to make things awkward, it can be a slippery slope, and sometimes I really regret not being more immediate with feedback.

I can completely imagine a situation where the parents didn't say anything even though it bothered them, and then their nanny started eating snacks there every day instead of packing them, and then the parents still don't say anything, and eventually their nanny is eating all her meals there instead of bringing her own food. Totally not saying this would have happened with you, but if it wasn't something the parents were comfortable providing (and I'm with them, honestly, it's hard enough to manage household grocery lists and dinner plans and packed lunch plans when you're working fulltime without having to account for what an additional adult might eat), then they probably thought better to nip it in the bud than silently resent.

Now you know. I'd suggest moving on from this, assuming you're otherwise happy.

[Anonymous]

On the issue of the soda in particular, I can understand it. Soda is something that isn't that expensive, of course, but it's also not something you need, but something that could be justified to yourself as a special little treat and you just want it there when you want it. So it's annoying when someone else starts drinking it, and likely DB just didn't want to be in the position of having his nanny help herself to one of his sodas every day.

This happened to me with one of our nannies, actually. I like to buy myself Perrier. I would drink Perrier all day instead of water, but, I typically drink one a day and then drink regular water otherwise. It's only about $1.50 a bottle, so maybe $10 I spend on myself as a special treat each week. I could just as soon drink plain water, but I know I'll drink more water if it's seltzer, and it's only $1.50, so I justify it to myself.

Anyway, my nanny started drinking the Perrier too during the day, which resulted in my having to buy it more frequently and a couple times she would drink my last one and then I wouldn't have it to take to work the next day. It wasn't the expense that bothered me (although it was irritating that now my little $10 weekly treat was turning into a $20 a week treat), it was more like I purchased that water for myself to have when I wanted it, and that I too would drink it all the time if it was free, but I limit myself to one bottle a day. My nanny was drinking it instead of water all day every day within a few weeks of starting. So maybe it was only an extra $10 a week, but it was annoying. Maybe that's petty, but there it is.

FWIW, our nannies are free to eat whatever they want if they forget their lunch or need a snack, but they've all packed their lunch every day for the most part.

Anyway, just something to consider on the soda issue. It's not always just someone being cheap. Don't you guys have something special you buy yourself that you like to eat/drink that you'd just rather not be inconvenienced by regularly sharing? Or maybe that's just me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the issue of the soda in particular, I can understand it. Soda is something that isn't that expensive, of course, but it's also not something you need, but something that could be justified to yourself as a special little treat and you just want it there when you want it. So it's annoying when someone else starts drinking it, and likely DB just didn't want to be in the position of having his nanny help herself to one of his sodas every day.

This happened to me with one of our nannies, actually. I like to buy myself Perrier. I would drink Perrier all day instead of water, but, I typically drink one a day and then drink regular water otherwise. It's only about $1.50 a bottle, so maybe $10 I spend on myself as a special treat each week. I could just as soon drink plain water, but I know I'll drink more water if it's seltzer, and it's only $1.50, so I justify it to myself.

Anyway, my nanny started drinking the Perrier too during the day, which resulted in my having to buy it more frequently and a couple times she would drink my last one and then I wouldn't have it to take to work the next day. It wasn't the expense that bothered me (although it was irritating that now my little $10 weekly treat was turning into a $20 a week treat), it was more like I purchased that water for myself to have when I wanted it, and that I too would drink it all the time if it was free, but I limit myself to one bottle a day. My nanny was drinking it instead of water all day every day within a few weeks of starting. So maybe it was only an extra $10 a week, but it was annoying. Maybe that's petty, but there it is.

FWIW, our nannies are free to eat whatever they want if they forget their lunch or need a snack, but they've all packed their lunch every day for the most part.

Anyway, just something to consider on the soda issue. It's not always just someone being cheap. Don't you guys have something special you buy yourself that you like to eat/drink that you'd just rather not be inconvenienced by regularly sharing? Or maybe that's just me

Yes.

When I shop it is also meal planning so if stuff starts going missing I can't cook the whole recipe.
Just be professional and bring the bulk of your lunches, and eat breakfast at home or during your commute like everyone else.
big picture - the priority is childcare, not grocery shopping, not cooking for yourself and not what you're going to eat and snack on all day from your employer's kitchen and fridge.

P.S. Your nanny knew exactly what she was doing drinking all your imported sparkling water. Selfish and inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When I shop it is also meal planning so if stuff starts going missing I can't cook the whole recipe.

I'm the seltzer poster, and this is also true. It's really not just the expense of sharing food and drinks, which can be minimal, of course. It's just like one more thing I have to think of on top of everything else - what is my nanny going to eat that I need to buy more of? Especially if what she's eating isn't something I can regularly plan. As the main grocery shopping/cook/lunch packer of my family, I know pretty much exactly what I'm going to need for the week and when I'm going to use it. It's irritating to have something planned for dinner or to pack for lunch the next day, and then you realize when you get home after working all day that it's used up. Sorry if I'd just rather not deal with that.

It's seriously not a huge deal and if my nanny was otherwise amazing, I would just learn to adjust. But if food isn't something that's offered by the family, as long as they're not holding you hostage and not letting you eat if you forgot your lunch one day, I wouldn't assume it's because they're cheap or racist.

[Anonymous]

It's simpler than that.
I don't have time to do extra or more frequent grocery shopping.
I don't have time to carry in tons of extra groceries because I'm feeding a third adult 1-2 meals a day.
We also switched to Hello Fresh for dinners.

I likewise don't have time to teach a nanny what foods a 2 yo should be eating and how to cook it. You're a nanny!!

I'm also not stupid, cooking yourself a big meal and giving a couple scoops to a kid each day is not "batch making food for the kid." It's cooking for yourself and lemme guess, your grocery bill went from $100/week to zero. and you saved a few hours of shopping a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some families are weird. I COULD never work for a family who would have a problem with me eating their stuff. For God's sakes I am taking care of your child. Yout rust me with that but do not let me eat yourf ood?! How much can one person eat a day anyway?!

No kidding. Families should always pick out, transport and arrange an assortment of food for us nannies to cook and eat each day. Sheesh, of course we get a paid hour lunch to relax!
I eat my breakfast after I arrive there too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's simpler than that.
I don't have time to do extra or more frequent grocery shopping.
I don't have time to carry in tons of extra groceries because I'm feeding a third adult 1-2 meals a day.
We also switched to Hello Fresh for dinners.

I likewise don't have time to teach a nanny what foods a 2 yo should be eating and how to cook it. You're a nanny!!

I'm also not stupid, cooking yourself a big meal and giving a couple scoops to a kid each day is not "batch making food for the kid." It's cooking for yourself and lemme guess, your grocery bill went from $100/week to zero. and you saved a few hours of shopping a week.

This. Our nanny drove us nuts with food issues, her b'fast, lunch, snacks, everything was eaten at our home, and proper meas at that. Eventually we had to fire her. We were paying her top dollar, On top of that she conveniently made her grocery bill zero, to me this came across as selfish, cheap and trashy.

[Anonymous]

We had a short term nanny who gave us a list of her preferred foods to stock for her meals at her interview. When we told her we didn't provide meals as a perk, she said that was fine, then proceeded to make herself elaborate meals from our food and leaving the dishes in the sink or dishwasher. Because DD was an infant, I knew she wasn't feeding DD grilled chicken and pasta. Needless to say, she didn't last long.

Our present nanny of almost 6 years always brings her lunch. Sometimes, she stocks extra lunches or snacks at our place, and that's fine. If she ever forgets her lunch, she is free to make a sandwich with whatever is available. She is also welcome to snacks, although, honestly, we don't have much snack like food in the house, other than cheese, crackers, and fruit.

We have never had a problem with this nanny eating too much of our food.

The thing I don't understand is why OP didn't just order in her lunch or go out with the children to pick herself up something if she knew she wasn't supposed to eat the NFs food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been working with my newest family for 2 months. So far I love them and have been super happy. Last Friday I forgot my lunch on the counter at home so I just made a sandwhich and took a soda for lunch from my employers. MB showed me a cabinet of snacks and said help even though I normally don't.

So I get in to work today at 7am and DB asked me about the soda. I told him I forgot my lunch and I had hope it was ok. He then stated how expensive soda, lunch meat and bread is and that they aren't allowing that snack for a nanny. I offered to pay him or replace it but he said it was ok. If not bad enough he proceeded to show me what I could eat ( nuts, chips and water).

I will respect their rules but I never found a family to be so stingy. I was always offered an open invitation expect on things they would be using for their lunches or dinner. Now I feel really awkward around them and very unwelcome. Am I overreacting or is this wrong of them to do?

Typical penny pincher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been working with my newest family for 2 months. So far I love them and have been super happy. Last Friday I forgot my lunch on the counter at home so I just made a sandwhich and took a soda for lunch from my employers. MB showed me a cabinet of snacks and said help even though I normally don't.

So I get in to work today at 7am and DB asked me about the soda. I told him I forgot my lunch and I had hope it was ok. He then stated how expensive soda, lunch meat and bread is and that they aren't allowing that snack for a nanny. I offered to pay him or replace it but he said it was ok. If not bad enough he proceeded to show me what I could eat ( nuts, chips and water).

I will respect their rules but I never found a family to be so stingy. I was always offered an open invitation expect on things they would be using for their lunches or dinner. Now I feel really awkward around them and very unwelcome. Am I overreacting or is this wrong of them to do?

Typical penny pincher.

Its a slippery slope and better to establish clear expectations at outset rather than waiting until nanny brings down her grocery budget to zero.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to eat someone else's food anyhow?
You can't count on it being there, it may have been bought for a particular meal or outing, someone trekked to the store and back for it.