New nanny doing well but some issues I need opinions on dealing with

[Anonymous]

NP here. It sounds like OP's major issue was safety - what should the live-in do if the kid wanders to the stairs, for example. I suggest you treat your baby as though you are the only responsible adult in the room... because you are. If you were alone, where would your child be? Would you feel comfortable leaving your baby near stairs and wandering off someplace else if there aren't any other people around to save the day? The fact that you are relying on the nanny to continue seeing to the child shows that you are not clear on boundaries. Put another way, if she were working and you happened to stop in the living room she would not assume it ok to abandon duty and go kick back and eat a sandwich in her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. It sounds like OP's major issue was safety - what should the live-in do if the kid wanders to the stairs, for example. I suggest you treat your baby as though you are the only responsible adult in the room... because you are. If you were alone, where would your child be? Would you feel comfortable leaving your baby near stairs and wandering off someplace else if there aren't any other people around to save the day? The fact that you are relying on the nanny to continue seeing to the child shows that you are not clear on boundaries. Put another way, if she were working and you happened to stop in the living room she would not assume it ok to abandon duty and go kick back and eat a sandwich in her room.

I don't think that's the main issue. I have an au pair, not a live-in nanny, and I had some of the same issues as the OP in the beginning. To answer your questions regarding safety, if I was the only person home, and I was pouring some milk for my middle child, and my youngest stood up on her chair, I would tell her to sit down, but likely would have to finish pouring the milk and go over and sit her down.
Or, if I am helping my 7 y/o with his homework, and my 2 y/o is coloring, then starts coloring on the walls when my back is turned, I would have to tell her to stop as soon as I see it, then go over and clean the walls.
However, if my au pair is sitting right there, then I expect her to attend to these things, on duty or off. I would never ask her to set up coloring for my 2 y/o or to help my 7 y/o with his homework when she is off duty, but I do expect that she stop someone from hurting themselves or damaging our property. I also expect her to listen if one of the kids wants to tell her a story or show off their artwork, give the kids hugs if they ask for them, and generally be social and respond to any questions I ask her, tell me about her day, whatever. Fair or not, she is not invisible, and if she wants to hang out with the family, then she is welcome to as a member of the family. If she wants a break from our family, then she is welcome to go to her room, another room in the house that is not occupied (besides my bedroom), or use my car to go wherever she would like to go.

Honestly, I really think that the OP just needs to talk with her nanny. It sounds to me like she wants to be "part of the family" (otherwise, who would watch kids television?), but isn't really sure how that works when she is off duty. Probably right now everyone feels uncomfortable.

Oh, and your sandwich example is ridiculous. The OP isn't leaving to go eat a sandwich in her room, and the nanny isn't "happening to stop in." The OP is going for a minute or two in order to wash a dish or get a drink of water, and the nanny is hanging out with them for hours.
If my previous nannies or current au pair are on duty, and I am also there playing with the kids, I am perfectly fine with them going in to another room to wash lunch dishes or make a baby bottle, leaving me in charge of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most live ins and au pairs retire to their rooms after dinner for tv, calls, Internet time, etc. People need space and privacy.

Even with live in family members we simply told them that after dinner is family time. A nanny should understand that and be fine.

Our live in retires to her room most nights. If she wants to hang out with hubby and me each night from 7-10pm that would get funny for all of us, fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: No one said I dump my kids on her when off duty. She comes into our space. I should not have to put my 2 year old in a high chair or take him away from our gated family room because she wants to sit and watch tv with them. All I was asking is how do I tell her nicely, that from 7pm (time she finished) to 9pm (time kids go to bed), I would like to spend it alone with my family. I am sure most of you would not want to hangout with your boss 24/7 and vice versa

I am a live-in nanny, and I have no idea how you would phrase it. I would be insulted and immediately start looking for a new position if the family required me to disappear and pretend I didn't exist for a few hours every single day. It's one thing if you specifically stated these guidelines in your profile/interview, but another to tell the person who lives with you that they are good enough to watch your children during the day but not good enough to be allowed to relax with the family in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.

She doesn't have the whole house, you are limiting where she is allowed to be and when. I've invited children into my room during my time off, teens to talk, elementary age kids to play games, little ones to cuddle and read stories. Those are my choice in my own space in my time off. I have NEVER been told to get out of a common area, nor given a schedule of when I'm allowed to use common areas (if you aren't capable of having someone share a kitchen with you, I wonder what the issue is as I've shared with 5-7 children at time...). You are obviously part of the Canadian live-in caregiver program. Yes, you are required to have the caregiver live with you, you knew that when you agreed to be part of that program. However, you are also required to have a contract and STICK TO that contract. That means that if she is in the living room and your requirement for her to be there is that she discipline the child, she gets paid OT. She is NOT a member of your family, she is NOT required to act as a member of your family. Your nanny is trying to be cooperative by making sure that her chores are done, even when she didn't have time to do them during her scheduled work hours.

I'm sorry, but this irritates me on so many levels. I've done 24/7, I only take live-in positions, but this... I wish you luck, but you need live-out care, you need to not be part of the live-in caregiver program and she needs a new family that understands what she is worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.

She doesn't have the whole house, you are limiting where she is allowed to be and when. I've invited children into my room during my time off, teens to talk, elementary age kids to play games, little ones to cuddle and read stories. Those are my choice in my own space in my time off. I have NEVER been told to get out of a common area, nor given a schedule of when I'm allowed to use common areas (if you aren't capable of having someone share a kitchen with you, I wonder what the issue is as I've shared with 5-7 children at time...). You are obviously part of the Canadian live-in caregiver program. Yes, you are required to have the caregiver live with you, you knew that when you agreed to be part of that program. However, you are also required to have a contract and STICK TO that contract. That means that if she is in the living room and your requirement for her to be there is that she discipline the child, she gets paid OT. She is NOT a member of your family, she is NOT required to act as a member of your family. Your nanny is trying to be cooperative by making sure that her chores are done, even when she didn't have time to do them during her scheduled work hours.

I'm sorry, but this irritates me on so many levels. I've done 24/7, I only take live-in positions, but this... I wish you luck, but you need live-out care, you need to not be part of the live-in caregiver program and she needs a new family that understands what she is worth.

I am the one who said that my au pair is not free to use the kitchen when I am cooking the family meal. Not the OP. Honestly, this has never actually come up. I am a pretty good cook, and my au pairs have always opted to eat the family meal. I just used it as an example of something that I would think is pretty obvious good manners when someone isn't free to use the common area. Also, I teach the kids that they have to eat what I make, and to have the au pair eating a different meal while we are eating wouldn't really be good modeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I never said i wanted her locked in her room. She has an entire house. She is welcomed to sit with us but if she does then she is expected to act like I or my husband would or even my teenager. Responsible and aware of what is going on around her. So if my kids went into her room and hung out while she is in there, would that be ok to you guys? I really don't think so. Anyway it looks like I am wasting my time wih most of you here. Some that did respond were very helpful and I thank you, but some of you just talk out of your butts without thinking things through or reading properly.

She doesn't have the whole house, you are limiting where she is allowed to be and when. I've invited children into my room during my time off, teens to talk, elementary age kids to play games, little ones to cuddle and read stories. Those are my choice in my own space in my time off. I have NEVER been told to get out of a common area, nor given a schedule of when I'm allowed to use common areas (if you aren't capable of having someone share a kitchen with you, I wonder what the issue is as I've shared with 5-7 children at time...). You are obviously part of the Canadian live-in caregiver program. Yes, you are required to have the caregiver live with you, you knew that when you agreed to be part of that program. However, you are also required to have a contract and STICK TO that contract. That means that if she is in the living room and your requirement for her to be there is that she discipline the child, she gets paid OT. She is NOT a member of your family, she is NOT required to act as a member of your family. Your nanny is trying to be cooperative by making sure that her chores are done, even when she didn't have time to do them during her scheduled work hours.

I'm sorry, but this irritates me on so many levels. I've done 24/7, I only take live-in positions, but this... I wish you luck, but you need live-out care, you need to not be part of the live-in caregiver program and she needs a new family that understands what she is worth.

I am the one who said that my au pair is not free to use the kitchen when I am cooking the family meal. Not the OP. Honestly, this has never actually come up. I am a pretty good cook, and my au pairs have always opted to eat the family meal. I just used it as an example of something that I would think is pretty obvious good manners when someone isn't free to use the common area. Also, I teach the kids that they have to eat what I make, and to have the au pair eating a different meal while we are eating wouldn't really be good modeling.

Au pairs have a very different purpose than nannies do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my opinion - there is no such thing as a nanny/housekeeper. You are either one or the other.

And I don't like you, OP, and can't quite put my finger on why.

- signed an MB with an actual nanny and a separate cleaning service who never gets the two confused.

Yes, I think you are very right,nanny have to be a nanny,housekeep is another position,some people like to get advange from us ,just say no ,no!!!!