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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. It sounds like OP's major issue was safety - what should the live-in do if the kid wanders to the stairs, for example. I suggest you treat your baby as though you are the only responsible adult in the room... because you are. If you were alone, where would your child be? Would you feel comfortable leaving your baby near stairs and wandering off someplace else if there aren't any other people around to save the day? The fact that you are relying on the nanny to continue seeing to the child shows that you are not clear on boundaries. Put another way, if she were working and you happened to stop in the living room she would not assume it ok to abandon duty and go kick back and eat a sandwich in her room.[/quote]

I don't think that's the main issue.  I have an au pair, not a live-in nanny, and I had some of the same issues as the OP in the beginning.  To answer your questions regarding safety, if I was the only person home, and I was pouring some milk for my middle child, and my youngest stood up on her chair, I would tell her to sit down, but likely would have to finish pouring the milk and go over and sit her down.  
Or, if I am helping my 7 y/o with his homework, and my 2 y/o is coloring, then starts coloring on the walls when my back is turned, I would have to tell her to stop as soon as I see it, then go over and clean the walls.
However, if my au pair is sitting right there, then I expect her to attend to these things, on duty or off.  I would never ask her to set up coloring for my 2 y/o or to help my 7 y/o with his homework when she is off duty, but I do expect that she stop someone from hurting themselves or damaging our property.  I also expect her to listen if one of the kids wants to tell her a story or show off their artwork, give the kids hugs if they ask for them, and generally be social and respond to any questions I ask her, tell me about her day, whatever.  Fair or not, she is not invisible, and if she wants to hang out with the family, then she is welcome to as a member of the family.  If she wants a break from our family, then she is welcome to go to her room, another room in the house that is not occupied (besides my bedroom), or use my car to go wherever she would like to go.

Honestly, I really think that the OP just needs to talk with her nanny.  It sounds to me like she wants to be "part of the family" (otherwise, who would watch kids television?), but isn't really sure how that works when she is off duty.  Probably right now everyone feels uncomfortable.

Oh, and your sandwich example is ridiculous.  The OP isn't leaving to go eat a sandwich in her room, and the nanny isn't "happening to stop in."  The OP is going for a minute or two in order to wash a dish or get a drink of water, and the nanny is hanging out with them for hours.     
If my previous nannies or current au pair are on duty, and I am also there playing with the kids, I am perfectly fine with them going in to another room to wash lunch dishes or make a baby bottle, leaving me in charge of the kids.

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