What to do if MB doesn’t secure the car seat properly (LATCH question)

[Anonymous]

My MB still uses the lower anchors to attach the kids car seat to the car. It’s not a booster, it’s that one for the smaller kids. My friend was asking me about it the other day and I actually truly didn’t know about the weight limits in the LATCH system. It says that the COMBINED weigert of the child and the car seat cannot exceed 65 pounds
If it exceeds 65 pounds, do not use the lower anchors, but USE the seatbelt instead (plus the top tether anchor). Her child is 55 pounds, and the car seat about 25 I guess. The sticker on the kids car seat says only use up to 35 pounds with the lower anchors. I’ve been a nanny for many years and never really paid attention to it, because I thought I let the parents deal with it, they’ll know what’s safe.

My question is, I texted her twice about it and send her links about what experts and the kids car seat manufacturer says, and she hasn’t really shown interest in it. I’m not totally worried about it. How should I proceed? Should I let it go or talk to the father (they’re divorced), or stop driving the car immediately? In the fall I’m starting a new job, but obviously I don’t feel comfortable driving around like this and in the future I’ll take better care of it.

[Anonymous]

Reinstall it but no you don't go to the father. If it's a booster, the limit rule is different. If you go to the father, I hope she fires you immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reinstall it but no you don't go to the father. If it's a booster, the limit rule is different. If you go to the father, I hope she fires you immediately.

Why would you say something nasty like this? This child has a father, and I’m pretty sure he also has a say about how to keep his child safe inside a car seat, don’t you think? Or are you implying that the mother is the only one who decides to drive THEIR child in a car seat hooked up wrongly, to the point that child can get seriously injured in a car crash, according to industry experts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reinstall it but no you don't go to the father. If it's a booster, the limit rule is different. If you go to the father, I hope she fires you immediately.

Why would you say something nasty like this? This child has a father, and I’m pretty sure he also has a say about how to keep his child safe inside a car seat, don’t you think? Or are you implying that the mother is the only one who decides to drive THEIR child in a car seat hooked up wrongly, to the point that child can get seriously injured in a car crash, according to industry experts.

It's completely inappropriate and depending on the seat the rules are different so it depends on the seat and situation. Ideally kids should RF till age four or outgrown the seat. Mine RF till after age four. But, you need to keep boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reinstall it but no you don't go to the father. If it's a booster, the limit rule is different. If you go to the father, I hope she fires you immediately.

Why would you say something nasty like this? This child has a father, and I’m pretty sure he also has a say about how to keep his child safe inside a car seat, don’t you think? Or are you implying that the mother is the only one who decides to drive THEIR child in a car seat hooked up wrongly, to the point that child can get seriously injured in a car crash, according to industry experts.

It's completely inappropriate and depending on the seat the rules are different so it depends on the seat and situation. Ideally kids should RF till age four or outgrown the seat. Mine RF till after age four. But, you need to keep boundaries.

What do you mean by keep boundaries? Let her have it her way? All she needs to do it is use the seatbelt instead the lower anchors so the kid won’t fly out the window in a car crash…

[Anonymous]

I would just text (since that's how you're talking about) and say something like "I was thinking I'd reinstall the car seat tomorrow during my break so that it's set up for Larlo now that's gotten so big <heart emoji> - let me know if that's a problem or if you have any concerns" then if you hear nothing, you can just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just text (since that's how you're talking about) and say something like "I was thinking I'd reinstall the car seat tomorrow during my break so that it's set up for Larlo now that's gotten so big <heart emoji> - let me know if that's a problem or if you have any concerns" then if you hear nothing, you can just do it.

OP here
Would other Nannie’s really just go ahead and adjust the car seat, even though the parent doesn’t want it that way? I would never touch it as I think she’s the mother and she should make that decision…. I’m all confused
There’s no way I can touch it, she’s a total control freak and that’s why I’m quitting because I can’t get anything done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just text (since that's how you're talking about) and say something like "I was thinking I'd reinstall the car seat tomorrow during my break so that it's set up for Larlo now that's gotten so big <heart emoji> - let me know if that's a problem or if you have any concerns" then if you hear nothing, you can just do it.

OP here
Would other Nannie’s really just go ahead and adjust the car seat, even though the parent doesn’t want it that way? I would never touch it as I think she’s the mother and she should make that decision…. I’m all confused
There’s no way I can touch it, she’s a total control freak and that’s why I’m quitting because I can’t get anything done

PP here. The timing in my advice is important. I don’t think it’s okay to just do it. I’m advising you to inform her you intend to do it and give her plenty of time and space to say “oh, no, please don’t.” She reads your texts, right?

But I was assuming that she just hasn’t gotten to it or doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Do you have a reason to think she actually prefers the seat like this and this is an active decision on her part to leave it like this for some reason? Because that would be REALLY weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just text (since that's how you're talking about) and say something like "I was thinking I'd reinstall the car seat tomorrow during my break so that it's set up for Larlo now that's gotten so big <heart emoji> - let me know if that's a problem or if you have any concerns" then if you hear nothing, you can just do it.

OP here
Would other Nannie’s really just go ahead and adjust the car seat, even though the parent doesn’t want it that way? I would never touch it as I think she’s the mother and she should make that decision…. I’m all confused
There’s no way I can touch it, she’s a total control freak and that’s why I’m quitting because I can’t get anything done

PP here. The timing in my advice is important. I don’t think it’s okay to just do it. I’m advising you to inform her you intend to do it and give her plenty of time and space to say “oh, no, please don’t.” She reads your texts, right?

But I was assuming that she just hasn’t gotten to it or doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Do you have a reason to think she actually prefers the seat like this and this is an active decision on her part to leave it like this for some reason? Because that would be REALLY weird.

Thank you so much for your nice reply!
No! She’s totally into safety, so that’s why I’m on here asking what to do… she’s totally ignoring my advice! A normal mother would be like omg I didn’t know thank you let’s change it now.
I’ve been there for 3 years bc I tried to not disrupt the child during divorce, but now that they’re divorced and he moved out a year ago, she’s changed a lot. She’s a tiny like the 4 yr old is a baby, cut food into tiny pieces , wouldn’t buy fruit bc she thinks he’ll choke and die. Only talks to the kid about negative stuff, like everything is so dangerous and you can die…eating a lollipop will kill you, smoking will hurt your lungs (?), fruit juice is dangerous bc too much sugar (not unhealthy, it’s more like dangerous?), can’t eat blueberries bc he’ll choke even at age 4, max at dad for buying a booster seat and telling kid how dangerous booster seats are (he’s 55 pounds 4 years, legally allowed at 40 pounds in my state)…. She never buys veggies or meat, even though I said 100 times buy me some meat I’ll cook I don’t mind. What family would say no to this?!?!?!
The other thing she kept saying she’d get me a pool pass for the town pool, I reminded her a couple times and she still didn’t get it, one time she said I’ll get it Friday …. I’m still waiting summer is almost over…
I’m guessing she doesn’t want me to take the kid swimming, which is fine, but just say so, why all this lying?!?!?!
I feel like I’m losing touch with reality… like I’m the freaking problem
So I started looking for a new job and now I have so much anxiety that I don’t even know if I can even play with the next kid lol

But the car seat now is the cherry on the cake!
Is she just jealous bc she thinks I’m smarter or something? She is very controlling so maybe she just wants to be able to control me? That fear she uses with the kid is also just control I think… idk I’m going crazy lol all I want is have fun with the kid , be safe and cook healthy food for him..
Unless she just hates me lol

[Anonymous]

Oh, it's this drama queen: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/375994.page

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Make an appt at a car seat check place and tell her, then take the child and car yourself and have a professional do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reinstall it but no you don't go to the father. If it's a booster, the limit rule is different. If you go to the father, I hope she fires you immediately.

The father should know that his wife doesn't care about the safety of their children

[Anonymous]

You can make an appointment at a fire station and they’ll help you install it safely for free.

[Anonymous]

Do you drive your car or her car? If it’s your car, then your rules apply. If it’s her car…

I’d talk face to face. “MB, I know we both want them keep NK as safe as possible when he’s in the car. That’s why I want to reinstall his car seat. I’m also worried about the ramifications of getting into an accident and being blamed for his injuries due to the incorrect installation.”

Then let her talk. Do you really think she’d choose to risk her child’s life? If she still won’t allow a proper install, then I’d be properly installing the car seat every morning. I don’t drive children if they aren’t properly secured, and if the parents refuse to be responsible enough to keep their kids as safe as possible, then I’ll be the adult and take charge.

[Anonymous]

If anything happens, parents will absolutely blame nanny. Better keep a paper trail, OP. Personally, I would never drive a child in a car seat not properly installed.