Not making it past trial period

[Anonymous]

I recently did a trial shift with a new family and it became clear about 3 hours in the MB did not want to hire me.

It was for 1 boy, 3. She was paying $27/hr.

The little boy is allowed to watch cartoons while he finishes lunch. MB wanted him to go outside around 10am for a walk to the park. I kept asking the little boy if he was ready to go for a walk and he said no. She gave me his daily schedule at 9, and said at 10AM every day he goes for some kind of an outing before lunch. At noon, she came out of her office and asked me if I had taken him to the park and I said no, because he didn't want to. It was also freezing and 64 degrees in the house, so I was wrapped up in a blanket and sitting on the couch.

She said I need to let her know if there's issues at any point, if I'm too cold, then he's too cold. He was dressed in short and a t-shirt and she put warmer clothing on him right away, turned off his iPad and told me I need to take him outside. I said at that point it's clear this wouldn't work and I needed an MB who is a little flexible and understanding. I said there's nothing wrong with going after lunch, and she said I was right, but after lunch is normally quiet time or his nap if he will take one.

Did I do anything wrong here?

[Anonymous]

I have a nanny, and I do think you did a few things wrong, from my perspective. People have different philosophies of childrearing, so perhaps this one is just not a good fit. But in my house, the adults set the schedule, not the toddlers. If I say my son should go out to the park at 10am, I expect the nanny to take him to the park at 10am. That means not asking "are you ready to go to the park?" but instead saying "okay, it's time to go to the park. Let's find your shoes!"

Also - I think you meant to say that he's allowed to watch cartoons while he finishes breakfast. Most parents (myself included) limit screens. So if a parents says that a kid is allowed to watch cartoons when he finishes breakfast, that's a few minutes. Maybe 20 minutes, max, then you need to cut off the screens. You let him sit on screens for over two hours! That's an excessively long period of time.

Finally, three year olds need naps, or at a minimum, rest or quiet time, in the afternoon. That's fairly universal. So, no, going to the park after lunch is not an option.

Toddlers and preschoolers thrive on routine and structure. It sounds like this family had a pretty typical routine for their three year old, and you didn't respect it. Flexibility can be valuable, but letting a like sit on screens for 2 hours while I'm paying is not flexibility - it's laziness.

The temp thing is a bit more of a judgement call if she's in the house. It's your first day, it's not like 64 degrees is going to kill him, and I think many work from home parents prefer that nannies handle things rather than bothering them, so I would be fine with a nanny powering through on a cold temperature and then bringing it up later "it seems like the temperature in the house was a bit cool this morning. Is that your preferred temperature? I can just bring a sweater if so." But yeah, you should have at least felt his arm and if it felt cold, gotten him a sweater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a nanny, and I do think you did a few things wrong, from my perspective. People have different philosophies of childrearing, so perhaps this one is just not a good fit. But in my house, the adults set the schedule, not the toddlers. If I say my son should go out to the park at 10am, I expect the nanny to take him to the park at 10am. That means not asking "are you ready to go to the park?" but instead saying "okay, it's time to go to the park. Let's find your shoes!"

Also - I think you meant to say that he's allowed to watch cartoons while he finishes breakfast. Most parents (myself included) limit screens. So if a parents says that a kid is allowed to watch cartoons when he finishes breakfast, that's a few minutes. Maybe 20 minutes, max, then you need to cut off the screens. You let him sit on screens for over two hours! That's an excessively long period of time.

Finally, three year olds need naps, or at a minimum, rest or quiet time, in the afternoon. That's fairly universal. So, no, going to the park after lunch is not an option.

Toddlers and preschoolers thrive on routine and structure. It sounds like this family had a pretty typical routine for their three year old, and you didn't respect it. Flexibility can be valuable, but letting a like sit on screens for 2 hours while I'm paying is not flexibility - it's laziness.

The temp thing is a bit more of a judgement call if she's in the house. It's your first day, it's not like 64 degrees is going to kill him, and I think many work from home parents prefer that nannies handle things rather than bothering them, so I would be fine with a nanny powering through on a cold temperature and then bringing it up later "it seems like the temperature in the house was a bit cool this morning. Is that your preferred temperature? I can just bring a sweater if so." But yeah, you should have at least felt his arm and if it felt cold, gotten him a sweater.

Why should he go at 10 am if he doesn't want to? You are too controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a nanny, and I do think you did a few things wrong, from my perspective. People have different philosophies of childrearing, so perhaps this one is just not a good fit. But in my house, the adults set the schedule, not the toddlers. If I say my son should go out to the park at 10am, I expect the nanny to take him to the park at 10am. That means not asking "are you ready to go to the park?" but instead saying "okay, it's time to go to the park. Let's find your shoes!"

Also - I think you meant to say that he's allowed to watch cartoons while he finishes breakfast. Most parents (myself included) limit screens. So if a parents says that a kid is allowed to watch cartoons when he finishes breakfast, that's a few minutes. Maybe 20 minutes, max, then you need to cut off the screens. You let him sit on screens for over two hours! That's an excessively long period of time.

Finally, three year olds need naps, or at a minimum, rest or quiet time, in the afternoon. That's fairly universal. So, no, going to the park after lunch is not an option.

Toddlers and preschoolers thrive on routine and structure. It sounds like this family had a pretty typical routine for their three year old, and you didn't respect it. Flexibility can be valuable, but letting a like sit on screens for 2 hours while I'm paying is not flexibility - it's laziness.

The temp thing is a bit more of a judgement call if she's in the house. It's your first day, it's not like 64 degrees is going to kill him, and I think many work from home parents prefer that nannies handle things rather than bothering them, so I would be fine with a nanny powering through on a cold temperature and then bringing it up later "it seems like the temperature in the house was a bit cool this morning. Is that your preferred temperature? I can just bring a sweater if so." But yeah, you should have at least felt his arm and if it felt cold, gotten him a sweater.

Why should he go at 10 am if he doesn't want to? You are too controlling.

I mean, okay. You're welcome to your opinion. But it just lost you a nanny gig. I'm sure there are some parents who are happy to pay someone $27 an hour to watch their 3 year olds watch screens all morning, then go to the park instead of napping because they want to. But most aren't, so you're going to struggle to find a nannying position.

In case your question was earnest instead of snarky:
1) Screens are literally addicting
2) Just about every expert agrees that screens should be limited for children - the Mayo Clinic says no more than one hour a day: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/screen-time/art-20047952
3) Playing outside is beneficial to children for learning gross and fine motor skills.
4) The child will likely be able to socialize with other children at the playground, another area for learning.
5) A child who spent the morning on screens is likely to be wound up, not nap, and be a terror the rest of the day. A child who spent the morning at the park is likely to take a good nap and be well regulated the rest of the day.
6) Toddlers and preschoolers thrive on structure and routine. This is particularly true when big things in his life are changing (like getting a new nanny!)
7) A three year old can't make intelligent choices about how to structure his day. It's not "controlling" to do what's best for a toddler, which is why good nannies keep their charges on a schedule.
8) Parents may want to save a kid's limited screen time for moments when they really need it - like getting ready for work or making dinner, and don't want to waste it when there's literally someone there you're paying to entertain your child.
9) If I'm paying you $27 an hour, you do what I say. I love our nanny, and I take feedback from her, make adjustments, and ask for and take her advice regularly. But at the end of the day I am the parent, and if I want the kids at the park at 10, guess what? The kids go to the park at 10.

[Anonymous]

Of course a 3 year old would rather play on the ipad! OP are you new to nannying? You sound very inexperienced.

[Anonymous]

I was very shy in the beginning as well…
Always asking.. do you want…
What YOU have to leak is this:
Do not ask kids if they want to do something, you TELL them it’s time to do… maybe try and come up with funny ideas , like
Who gets your shoes first wins or
I guess I’ll swim in your swim class then if you’re not coming
I’m going to play with your friend instead, bye, see you later

As you get more experience you’ll see what works, every child is different
Also, ask the parents for a schedule and tell the child at 8am:
Now you’re eating, but in a little bit (8:30) we will read these two books and then we’ll get dressed and go to yeh park and we will see your friends (or say: let’s see who will be there)… make a schedule and slowly tell them what’s going to happen next. If you do this every day for a few days, the children will know what to expect. We eat, we read, we get dressed, go to park
(This is just an example)
Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

The replies here are already very kind and helpful. Generally people are trying their best during a trial. If your best, or even typical behavior, is that you sit on the couch letting the child watching the TV for 3 hours, wrapping yourself up in a blanket but providing nothing for the child, that’s really not a good sign. If you ask if you’ve done something wrong, you should be prepared for the answer to be yes and consider advice about what to do differently.

It is going to be very difficult to find someone who pays $27/hour and is okay with you not doing much beyond sitting in the same room, making sure the child remains safe. I might be okay with this level of care for an occasional date night from a high school sitter, or in an emergency where my nanny calls out sick and someone is filling in on 30 minutes notice, but not everyday when I am paying a premium for 1:1 care. In any semi-decent daycare or school, they would not get anywhere near 3 hours of TV a day either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The replies here are already very kind and helpful. Generally people are trying their best during a trial. If your best, or even typical behavior, is that you sit on the couch letting the child watching the TV for 3 hours, wrapping yourself up in a blanket but providing nothing for the child, that’s really not a good sign. If you ask if you’ve done something wrong, you should be prepared for the answer to be yes and consider advice about what to do differently.

It is going to be very difficult to find someone who pays $27/hour and is okay with you not doing much beyond sitting in the same room, making sure the child remains safe. I might be okay with this level of care for an occasional date night from a high school sitter, or in an emergency where my nanny calls out sick and someone is filling in on 30 minutes notice, but not everyday when I am paying a premium for 1:1 care. In any semi-decent daycare or school, they would not get anywhere near 3 hours of TV a day either.

This is really bizarre to sit on the couch for three hours and let the child control the situation vs. you saying we are going out to play or this activity. You could warm up outside.

[Anonymous]

I would not hire someone who asked my kids if they want to do something they don't have a choice about. "Are you ready to get dressed for school?" OP, if the kid says no are you just going to shrug and not force the kid to go to school because they didn't get dressed?

My kids don't know what's best for them. Because they're KIDS. They need to run off energy and the best time to do that is before lunch, before it gets too hot. So I want them to run around outside playing between breakfast and lunch, then come in, wash up and eat, then have quiet time/nap.

You weren't assertive enough.

[Anonymous]

You sound very inexperienced/unqualified .. perhaps it’s for the best you’ve parted ways with this family

[Anonymous]

haha how come the family did not see it during interview

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:haha how come the family did not see it during interview

Good question! Maybe there was no interview or she just really “sold” herself as a experienced nanny with 15 years of experience lol

[Anonymous]

You should have taken him out around 10 like she suggested.
She should have told you she keeps the house freezing and to dress accordingly.
If you were on a trial and I found you on the couch with a blanket around you and you hadn’t taken my kid out like I asked I would not hire you.

[Anonymous]

I would have not made it past an interview, but I would have gotten the heck out of a cold house and taken to kid for 'treasure hunt'.
I love being outside, away from the working parents and A/C.

[Anonymous]

we are all different. i love freezing house but on the other hand going out at 10am into the heat is brutal. So, both nanny and MB are crazy IMHO