A Thread of Recommendations for WFH Parents

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing numerous posts of unhappy nannies here. I am also in nanny community Facebook groups and the collective unhappiness since COVID started is insane. I wanted to maybe start a thread of common mistakes WFH (work from home) parents are making during this pandemic with hopes that there will be more understanding. Please feel free to add on.

1. Do NOT work in the same space/room as the nanny and children. While yes we live in DC where many of us don’t have much space now that offices are closed, this is an easy way to get a resignation. The child and nanny need adequate space to bond without hearing your Zoom calls or seeing you. No matter how young or old, children do typically act much differently when parents are present vs when alone with a caregiver. Not to mention if your child is at the separation anxiety age, you really are hurting them more than helping them by being in the same room.

2. Do not micromanage. You hired your nanny because you felt they’re qualified right? Well let them be. It is very disruptive if you come to try an “help” during a tantrum or meltdown. Trust me, if they’re seasoned then they’ve handled plenty of these meltdowns and do not need your assistance. They also do not need your assistance with a daily agenda for the children, nap time, etc unless THEY ASK. Your nanny is there so you can work. Please just do your work and let them be.

3. Nap time should be downtime. This is a mentally exhausting time for us all. Please let your nanny have their lunch, look at their phone, and take a breather while the children are asleep. That laundry or unloading of the dishwasher you expect them to do can wait, or you can do it.

4. Coming downstairs to say hi or “check in” if your child has separation anxiety is a no no. Again, you are hurting your child and making your nanny’s job harder because they are now stuck with a very sad child once you retreat back to your home office. Again this is only if the child has separation anxiety. If your child could care less when you leave then a hi here or there will not hurt. Just ensure it is short and not disruptive especially if your nanny is doing an activity or teaching


Feel free to keep the list going. Nannies, some parents are not realizing this is disruptive as many of them are used to being at an office during the day rather than the same space as you. Communication goes a long way. 90% of parents do not want the person taking care of their children to be disgruntled so they will typically be willing to hear you out.

[Anonymous]

I have amazing and wonderful employers. The mother has always worked from home and it’s been great. When covid hit, the dad started working from home too. I told them right off the bat that I was never going to pull their child away from them. I would try to engage my charge and tempt him with something fun but if he wanted Daddy or Mommy, I wasn’t going to stop him. They completely agreed and it’s honestly been great.

A second thing is that employers know how hard it is only having one outdoor place to go. We used to do two different libraries and storytimes, music class and informal play groups in the playground. It’s challenging finding ways to keep my toddler charge learning and having fun. Again, my employers get it. I hope other nanny employers do too. It’s hard!!

[Anonymous]

Yes the biggest problem is not being able to get out and about as much but I'm not sure how parents can solve that right now.

[Anonymous]

Employers please be prepared to take over on time! Your work day may be more fluid but your nanny’s isn’t. If your nanny’s day ends at 5, for example, start the transition at ten to 5. No “just one more call”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Employers please be prepared to take over on time! Your work day may be more fluid but your nanny’s isn’t. If your nanny’s day ends at 5, for example, start the transition at ten to 5. No “just one more call”.

Sorry parents but this too. We have lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Employers please be prepared to take over on time! Your work day may be more fluid but your nanny’s isn’t. If your nanny’s day ends at 5, for example, start the transition at ten to 5. No “just one more call”.

Sorry parents but this too. We have lives

+2.

[Anonymous]

OP, excellent tips.

You hit the nail on the head w/this one!

[Anonymous]

You nailed this

[Anonymous]

Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

We are not telling you to mind your own business. We are trying to instruct you on how to be supportive to your caregiver with the mutual goal of what is best for the kids. We are not like shift workers where you can simply hand us a list of things to do, walk away and expect everything to go exactily as planned. Children are involved here. This is bigger than your ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

It’s more similar to a teacher than office personnel.

Any principal who constantly butts into a classroom will be looking for a new teacher by the end of the year, if not sooner. A certain amount of oversight is expected. Having a higher authority in any out all day confuses children, it doesn’t help.

And things like naps, activities, food, discipline, attachment, covid exposure, etc? We talk about those before I’m hired. I don’t work for families unless we’re a match on everything that matters. I do understand that it’s a constantly evolving situation, but I expect to be heard with regard to my perspective of best interest for your child. I don’t expect for my voice to be your sole input, nor do I expect that we would agree on everything. But I do expect to be heard, and I find another family if I’m treated like a random sitter with no experience, no desire to understand your child, and no ability to look at your child and child development in a way that will help you make informed decisions.

That’s all these nannies want. We are professionals. We’ve seen many of the situations that arise many times. We’ve done tens and hundreds of hours of research, without or without college courses, so let us share that with you, to lighten your pile. But most of all? Recognize that we know child development, we know your child, and we know when seeing a parent multiple times is helpful vs when it’s causing issues for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

It’s more similar to a teacher than office personnel.

Any principal who constantly butts into a classroom will be looking for a new teacher by the end of the year, if not sooner. A certain amount of oversight is expected. Having a higher authority in any out all day confuses children, it doesn’t help.

And things like naps, activities, food, discipline, attachment, covid exposure, etc? We talk about those before I’m hired. I don’t work for families unless we’re a match on everything that matters. I do understand that it’s a constantly evolving situation, but I expect to be heard with regard to my perspective of best interest for your child. I don’t expect for my voice to be your sole input, nor do I expect that we would agree on everything. But I do expect to be heard, and I find another family if I’m treated like a random sitter with no experience, no desire to understand your child, and no ability to look at your child and child development in a way that will help you make informed decisions.

That’s all these nannies want. We are professionals. We’ve seen many of the situations that arise many times. We’ve done tens and hundreds of hours of research, without or without college courses, so let us share that with you, to lighten your pile. But most of all? Recognize that we know child development, we know your child, and we know when seeing a parent multiple times is helpful vs when it’s causing issues for your child.

Word

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

It’s more similar to a teacher than office personnel.

Any principal who constantly butts into a classroom will be looking for a new teacher by the end of the year, if not sooner. A certain amount of oversight is expected. Having a higher authority in any out all day confuses children, it doesn’t help.

And things like naps, activities, food, discipline, attachment, covid exposure, etc? We talk about those before I’m hired. I don’t work for families unless we’re a match on everything that matters. I do understand that it’s a constantly evolving situation, but I expect to be heard with regard to my perspective of best interest for your child. I don’t expect for my voice to be your sole input, nor do I expect that we would agree on everything. But I do expect to be heard, and I find another family if I’m treated like a random sitter with no experience, no desire to understand your child, and no ability to look at your child and child development in a way that will help you make informed decisions.

That’s all these nannies want. We are professionals. We’ve seen many of the situations that arise many times. We’ve done tens and hundreds of hours of research, without or without college courses, so let us share that with you, to lighten your pile. But most of all? Recognize that we know child development, we know your child, and we know when seeing a parent multiple times is helpful vs when it’s causing issues for your child.

Well, since you drew parallels with teachers. Teachers are licensed, educated specifically for teaching, and the profession is highly scripted in terms what they can and cannot do, or else they will not be employed. When it comes to a small non verbal baby and nanny who is not licensed by any standard body and is not college educated on early childhood development, it's a different weight that her opinion carries. By all means she deserves to be heard but she does not call the shots. The only scenario I can think of is when parents overwhelmed, overworked or checked out for some other reason - then nanny probably is very autonomous, makes decisions for the benefit of the baby, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

It’s more similar to a teacher than office personnel.

Any principal who constantly butts into a classroom will be looking for a new teacher by the end of the year, if not sooner. A certain amount of oversight is expected. Having a higher authority in any out all day confuses children, it doesn’t help.

And things like naps, activities, food, discipline, attachment, covid exposure, etc? We talk about those before I’m hired. I don’t work for families unless we’re a match on everything that matters. I do understand that it’s a constantly evolving situation, but I expect to be heard with regard to my perspective of best interest for your child. I don’t expect for my voice to be your sole input, nor do I expect that we would agree on everything. But I do expect to be heard, and I find another family if I’m treated like a random sitter with no experience, no desire to understand your child, and no ability to look at your child and child development in a way that will help you make informed decisions.

That’s all these nannies want. We are professionals. We’ve seen many of the situations that arise many times. We’ve done tens and hundreds of hours of research, without or without college courses, so let us share that with you, to lighten your pile. But most of all? Recognize that we know child development, we know your child, and we know when seeing a parent multiple times is helpful vs when it’s causing issues for your child.

Well, since you drew parallels with teachers. Teachers are licensed, educated specifically for teaching, and the profession is highly scripted in terms what they can and cannot do, or else they will not be employed. When it comes to a small non verbal baby and nanny who is not licensed by any standard body and is not college educated on early childhood development, it's a different weight that her opinion carries. By all means she deserves to be heard but she does not call the shots. The only scenario I can think of is when parents overwhelmed, overworked or checked out for some other reason - then nanny probably is very autonomous, makes decisions for the benefit of the baby, etc. etc.

Many nannies are college-educated. Most have more experience with babies than the average ftp. Even with f a nanny doesn’t have a degree, most have done significant research, again more than ftp.

Some (many) of us are teachers. That’s why I compared our profession to teaching. Public school teachers are highly regulated; depending on the state; private school teachers may not even be required to have a degree in education, let alone an up-to-date certificate. It dies t diminish the capability of a teacher who is not as regulated. Nor is a nanny’s ability diminished when she asks for space to do her job without interference.

Btw, most managers recognize that micromanaging employees leads to high turnover. Field doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny. If I told my office employer all these things that I'll be needing, they would think I've gone mad. But somehow it's ok for nanny to ask for all of this?

It's not micromanagement. It's my child. My house. My money which I pay in order for nanny to do with children what in my opinion is best. That includes naps, daily activities, food and all other things. If I am in doubt I will ask. But if I don't ask and instead say how I want things done - that means I know what I want, I've spent hours researching, I've talked to the pediatrician, to other moms and came to the conclusion on how I want certain things to be. Telling a parent to mind their own business and let nanny be is unprofessional and unrealistic.

It’s more similar to a teacher than office personnel.

Any principal who constantly butts into a classroom will be looking for a new teacher by the end of the year, if not sooner. A certain amount of oversight is expected. Having a higher authority in any out all day confuses children, it doesn’t help.

And things like naps, activities, food, discipline, attachment, covid exposure, etc? We talk about those before I’m hired. I don’t work for families unless we’re a match on everything that matters. I do understand that it’s a constantly evolving situation, but I expect to be heard with regard to my perspective of best interest for your child. I don’t expect for my voice to be your sole input, nor do I expect that we would agree on everything. But I do expect to be heard, and I find another family if I’m treated like a random sitter with no experience, no desire to understand your child, and no ability to look at your child and child development in a way that will help you make informed decisions.

That’s all these nannies want. We are professionals. We’ve seen many of the situations that arise many times. We’ve done tens and hundreds of hours of research, without or without college courses, so let us share that with you, to lighten your pile. But most of all? Recognize that we know child development, we know your child, and we know when seeing a parent multiple times is helpful vs when it’s causing issues for your child.

Well, since you drew parallels with teachers. Teachers are licensed, educated specifically for teaching, and the profession is highly scripted in terms what they can and cannot do, or else they will not be employed. When it comes to a small non verbal baby and nanny who is not licensed by any standard body and is not college educated on early childhood development, it's a different weight that her opinion carries. By all means she deserves to be heard but she does not call the shots. The only scenario I can think of is when parents overwhelmed, overworked or checked out for some other reason - then nanny probably is very autonomous, makes decisions for the benefit of the baby, etc. etc.

Many nannies are college-educated. Most have more experience with babies than the average ftp. Even with f a nanny doesn’t have a degree, most have done significant research, again more than ftp.

Some (many) of us are teachers. That’s why I compared our profession to teaching. Public school teachers are highly regulated; depending on the state; private school teachers may not even be required to have a degree in education, let alone an up-to-date certificate. It dies t diminish the capability of a teacher who is not as regulated. Nor is a nanny’s ability diminished when she asks for space to do her job without interference.

Btw, most managers recognize that micromanaging employees leads to high turnover. Field doesn’t matter.

Teachers in private schools have to be licensed and have to have an advanced degree in their field (above bachelors). They are not less regulated. This is a false analogy.
The bolded part is where you're wrong. Also, your generalizations seem far fetched. And if your last statement is a veiled threat that a hypothetical nanny would leave if she receives detailed instructions/supervision - she by all means should leave.