Transgender au pair

[Anonymous]

Our AP has a cousin who is transgender and she is thinking she’d like to be an AP too. Does anyone have any information about which agency might be best to go through or does anyone have experience w trans au pairs?

[Anonymous]

No experience at all with it but I'd pick the biggest Au Pair agency if I were that person, to make sure I have more chances to be chosen by a family. Maybe APIA ?

It's gonna be tough though ...

[Anonymous]

CCAP asks APs about whether they would be open to same sex families and families of different relgion and ethnicity then the AP. It seems like they should also be prepping families for the same, including different gender id.

no specific advice, but a notable article from aupairmom
http://aupairmom.com/would-you-consider-a-transgender-au-pair-candidate/2015/10/21/celiaharquail/

[Anonymous]

I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

Why should this be disclosed? In what way do the genitals of an AP impact the host family? If you select an AP who identifies as a woman, do you ask to see her vulva for confirmation?
And why the assumption that trans people automatically have a harder time making friends and going through life? Please check your biases, of which there seem to be several.

[Anonymous]

With a liberal family, it may still be a difficult sell. She may run into “it’s ok for someone else, just not in my house.” And it’s a hard no for conservative families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a liberal family, it may still be a difficult sell. She may run into “it’s ok for someone else, just not in my house.” And it’s a hard no for conservative families.

Why?

[Anonymous]

I consider myself liberal politically and generous with my APs, but I admit I probably would not take this on knowingly. When I ask myself, why?, its because it seems like an additional layer of complexity that I don't want to take on. If the transition is relatively recent, I'd be concerned that there were lingering emotional challenges, I'd worry that my AP was running away from a less accepting family at home, I'd worry that she would need expensive medical care (hormones) that would be expensive, and that its hard enough to be a young person in a new place and foreign culture without adding any additional challenges to the mix. May be shallow, but that is my honest reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself liberal politically and generous with my APs, but I admit I probably would not take this on knowingly. When I ask myself, why?, its because it seems like an additional layer of complexity that I don't want to take on. If the transition is relatively recent, I'd be concerned that there were lingering emotional challenges, I'd worry that my AP was running away from a less accepting family at home, I'd worry that she would need expensive medical care (hormones) that would be expensive, and that its hard enough to be a young person in a new place and foreign culture without adding any additional challenges to the mix. May be shallow, but that is my honest reaction.

+1. It easy to say you would do it in an anonymous forum and judge other people.
I am liberal and a minority and I know how discrimination feels like but I also understand the complexity of this situation.
I have 2 boys and 1 girl, they are pretty young and for now I only hire female APs. I might be open to BroPair when my kids are older. With that said:
- I will hire a female transgender AP if she is fully transitioned and live as a women 100% of the time. My kids already ask difficult questions about every days stuffs that I have challenge answering, like PP i don't want more layers of complication. When they are older and understand we will have the conversation.
- If the transgender AP has just recently transitioned or it is still obvious they were male, I am not open it, because of reasons I l already listed. Also the emotional stress that come with transitioning and the medical protocol they have to follow.
In order words you could have already hosted a fully transitioned AP without knowing. I don't think they need to disclose that unless they are still transitioning.

[Anonymous]

I am sure there is a gay couple out there who needs an AP who would be open to it.
A hetero couple would be hard to match with, regardless of political ideology.

APs are to make life easier....why I would not match with a trans, vegetarian or any special diet.

[Anonymous]

I recently saw a transgender AP on cultural care. She admitted she was transgender in the section where it ask if you’d be willing to live with a same sex couple. I don’t remember where she was from. I agree that is likely a hard sell, but I’m also sure there are families with transgender parent(s) that would welcome them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself liberal politically and generous with my APs, but I admit I probably would not take this on knowingly. When I ask myself, why?, its because it seems like an additional layer of complexity that I don't want to take on. If the transition is relatively recent, I'd be concerned that there were lingering emotional challenges, I'd worry that my AP was running away from a less accepting family at home, I'd worry that she would need expensive medical care (hormones) that would be expensive, and that its hard enough to be a young person in a new place and foreign culture without adding any additional challenges to the mix. May be shallow, but that is my honest reaction.

+1. It easy to say you would do it in an anonymous forum and judge other people.
I am liberal and a minority and I know how discrimination feels like but I also understand the complexity of this situation.
I have 2 boys and 1 girl, they are pretty young and for now I only hire female APs. I might be open to BroPair when my kids are older. With that said:
- I will hire a female transgender AP if she is fully transitioned and live as a women 100% of the time. My kids already ask difficult questions about every days stuffs that I have challenge answering, like PP i don't want more layers of complication. When they are older and understand we will have the conversation.
- If the transgender AP has just recently transitioned or it is still obvious they were male, I am not open it, because of reasons I l already listed. Also the emotional stress that come with transitioning and the medical protocol they have to follow.
In order words you could have already hosted a fully transitioned AP without knowing. I don't think they need to disclose that unless they are still transitioning.

Both of these posters said it well. I would also be open to it as described above. I liken it to my neighborhood's son. When she was transitioning, she was emotional, protesting, always angry, etc. For good reason, I think. But I felt like just saying, live your life as a man. No one will know or care. Just live your life. I saw a recent post where he shared wonderful news about his new job and move, and I was so happy for him. Not one mention of being transgender.

So I would be ok if an AP had completely transitioned and was just moving on with her life.

[Anonymous]

What a disappointing and dehumanizing thread.

[Anonymous]

I think the complicating factor here is where AP is in the transition and how old AP is. A 26yo who transitioned at 18 is a very different situation from a 19yo who is moving away because family won’t accept the transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

Why should this be disclosed? In what way do the genitals of an AP impact the host family? If you select an AP who identifies as a woman, do you ask to see her vulva for confirmation?
And why the assumption that trans people automatically have a harder time making friends and going through life? Please check your biases, of which there seem to be several.

The whole process of transitioning is filled with medical and mental health pitfalls if not handled well. Having an AP here who felt isolated on top of transitioning could be a precursor of rematch or going home early.