Transgender au pair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure there is a gay couple out there who needs an AP who would be open to it.
A hetero couple would be hard to match with, regardless of political ideology.

APs are to make life easier....why I would not match with a trans, vegetarian or any special diet.

m

Likely to be just as hard a sell for a gay couple as hetero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

Why should this be disclosed? In what way do the genitals of an AP impact the host family? If you select an AP who identifies as a woman, do you ask to see her vulva for confirmation?
And why the assumption that trans people automatically have a harder time making friends and going through life? Please check your biases, of which there seem to be several.

The whole process of transitioning is filled with medical and mental health pitfalls if not handled well. Having an AP here who felt isolated on top of transitioning could be a precursor of rematch or going home early.

Right. We hear consistently from TG people how emotionally devastating it is. I wish them peace. But a family has to be careful about taking in a person who is far away from home without a support network.

[Anonymous]

I have a trans parent and would take a trans bropair if they were 23-26 but not a trans au pair or any younger.

[Anonymous]

OP here....

She is French and in her early 20s. I believe she transitioned in her early teens and her family are supportive. I have not seen a photo of her so I can’t speak to whether she looks obviously trans. It’s good to know someone saw a trans AP on CCAP. I’ll suggest she start there (we are with APIA).

I know not everyone would want a trans AP but apparently she loves kids and has really enjoyed watching her cousin (our AP) enjoy her time here on Instagram. I hope she can find an accepting host family. We already have our next match lined up but I would consider her in the future if we continue to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

Why should this be disclosed? In what way do the genitals of an AP impact the host family? If you select an AP who identifies as a woman, do you ask to see her vulva for confirmation?
And why the assumption that trans people automatically have a harder time making friends and going through life? Please check your biases, of which there seem to be several.

The whole process of transitioning is filled with medical and mental health pitfalls if not handled well. Having an AP here who felt isolated on top of transitioning could be a precursor of rematch or going home early.

Right. We hear consistently from TG people how emotionally devastating it is. I wish them peace. But a family has to be careful about taking in a person who is far away from home without a support network.

Exactly. You are agreeing to be the primary support system for your AP. So just like if they had a medical condition that required a lot of doctor appointments and medications, a mature AP would be open with the host family and have a plan in place for accessing medical care. If a TG woman is post-op, she may physically need consistent access to hormones—does she know what the AP insurance covers? If not, what is her plan to find and afford access to what she needs? Especially if they are still transitioning, they may be in very active therapy for mental health challenges that are more common for TG people. Does she know how she is going to access that? If an AP had IBS or an anxiety disorder I would likewise want to know what their plan was for managing their own care and anything less than a well-thought-out, detailed plan would be a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here....

She is French and in her early 20s. I believe she transitioned in her early teens and her family are supportive. I have not seen a photo of her so I can’t speak to whether she looks obviously trans. It’s good to know someone saw a trans AP on CCAP. I’ll suggest she start there (we are with APIA).

I know not everyone would want a trans AP but apparently she loves kids and has really enjoyed watching her cousin (our AP) enjoy her time here on Instagram. I hope she can find an accepting host family. We already have our next match lined up but I would consider her in the future if we continue to host.

In her situation, the biggest concern would be the medical stuff and whether she understands how costly and complicated the US health system is—a lot of Europeans are blown away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here....

She is French and in her early 20s. I believe she transitioned in her early teens and her family are supportive. I have not seen a photo of her so I can’t speak to whether she looks obviously trans. It’s good to know someone saw a trans AP on CCAP. I’ll suggest she start there (we are with APIA).

I know not everyone would want a trans AP but apparently she loves kids and has really enjoyed watching her cousin (our AP) enjoy her time here on Instagram. I hope she can find an accepting host family. We already have our next match lined up but I would consider her in the future if we continue to host.

If it’s been 5+ years, then it’s much less of an issue. Due to the number of families who would flip out (and possibly be violent/abusive!) if they only found after she was living with them, I think she should put it in her profile, but emphasize how long ago it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be pretty difficult for a transgendered au pair. First off, I think this is something that should definitely be disclosed to host families, which might seriously reduce their chances of getting selected. Secondly, it is already hard enough for an AP to move to a new country and make friends and find their way. I think that being transgendered would only make this more difficult.

Why should this be disclosed? In what way do the genitals of an AP impact the host family? If you select an AP who identifies as a woman, do you ask to see her vulva for confirmation?
And why the assumption that trans people automatically have a harder time making friends and going through life? Please check your biases, of which there seem to be several.

The whole process of transitioning is filled with medical and mental health pitfalls if not handled well. Having an AP here who felt isolated on top of transitioning could be a precursor of rematch or going home early.

Right. We hear consistently from TG people how emotionally devastating it is. I wish them peace. But a family has to be careful about taking in a person who is far away from home without a support network.

Exactly. You are agreeing to be the primary support system for your AP. So just like if they had a medical condition that required a lot of doctor appointments and medications, a mature AP would be open with the host family and have a plan in place for accessing medical care. If a TG woman is post-op, she may physically need consistent access to hormones—does she know what the AP insurance covers? If not, what is her plan to find and afford access to what she needs? Especially if they are still transitioning, they may be in very active therapy for mental health challenges that are more common for TG people. Does she know how she is going to access that? If an AP had IBS or an anxiety disorder I would likewise want to know what their plan was for managing their own care and anything less than a well-thought-out, detailed plan would be a red flag.

This. An AP is supposed to be an adult. A responsible adult will research and start figuring things out before starting to interview with families. It doesn’t matter whether it’s mental health (adhd, anxiety), physical health (diabetes, asthma) or a combination (transition, recent diagnosis with ANYTHING chronic).

[Anonymous]

No way.

[Anonymous]

Just an FYI tons of posts being deleted in this thread. Basically anyone who is at all skeptical of hosting a trans AP is having their posts vanish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI tons of posts being deleted in this thread. Basically anyone who is at all skeptical of hosting a trans AP is having their posts vanish.

No, just the posts where people are making ignorant and bigoted comments about transgender people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI tons of posts being deleted in this thread. Basically anyone who is at all skeptical of hosting a trans AP is having their posts vanish.

No, just the posts where people are making ignorant and bigoted comments about transgender people.

Even the posts saying that APs should disclose if they are trans or not have been removed. This is absolutely something that a host family should know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI tons of posts being deleted in this thread. Basically anyone who is at all skeptical of hosting a trans AP is having their posts vanish.

No, just the posts where people are making ignorant and bigoted comments about transgender people.

Even the posts saying that APs should disclose if they are trans or not have been removed. This is absolutely something that a host family should know.

No they haven’t unless the rest of the post had some bigoted language ! There’s one above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI tons of posts being deleted in this thread. Basically anyone who is at all skeptical of hosting a trans AP is having their posts vanish.

I’m reporting name calling, swearing, homophobia and transphobia. Everything else seems to be staying, including several people saying that they wouldn’t host.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to host a transgender au pair just as there's nothing wrong with not wanting to host a vegetarian, an only child, someone with a history of depression, someone who likes to sing, etc. etc. etc. It's just wrong to behave like any of these things are abhorrent.

As pointed out, a transgender au pair might have higher medical or psychological needs than a cis gender au pair and families would have to weigh that in the total application. I sadly do agree that this should be "disclosed" in matching due partly to the potential need for ongoing medical care during the year and primarily the fact that there are people who would be scary angry if they found out "the truth" (although who cares what's in her pants...)

I hope that in 10 years that this is just not a big deal to people. It has been difficult for me to wrap my head around transgender issues until they came into my life in an unexpected way. I encourage others to learn more about transgenderism before you have to learn in trial by fire...