No Christmas Gift- would you go back?

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit shocked
I worked for this family full time for almost 4 years, but the mom drove me so nuts
she was very aggressive with the kids and I had to quit
I still stayed friendly
Visit them
Still babysit on occasion
Just spent all day at the kids birthday party
Sent them hundreds of pics and videos form the birthday party
They have the cleaning lady extra cash
And I didn’t get one thing
Not even a card or chocolate
Not that I expected it, but come on, I’m their babysitter and everybody gets presents?!?!??
Would you go back there or am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Base all decisions on how you feel about the children and your relationship with them. I, personally, would always choose to see my charge and former charges regardless of how the parents treated me. My love and devotion to my relationships with my former charges supersedes all else in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Base all decisions on how you feel about the children and your relationship with them. I, personally, would always choose to see my charge and former charges regardless of how the parents treated me. My love and devotion to my relationships with my former charges supersedes all else in my book.

OP here
Thank you for your wonderful words, you sound like a wonderful person
That’s how I used to be lol but after 13 years of nannying and bs I’m not like that anymore
But you’re right, kids are much more important ty!

[Anonymous]

O, I would not. Inexcusably cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: O, I would not. Inexcusably cheap.

And here you are again - Bile Barbara.

[Anonymous]

You might be overreacting, but you know the parents better than we do. It’s silly for you to compare yourself to the cleaning lady; she’s a regular employee of theirs and bonuses are standard. What are you? You’re not the nanny anymore. You’re an occasional sitter and speaking of, how occasional are we talking about? Do you watch the kids on a regular basis, like every two weeks? Then yes, I’d expect something. But if we’re talking about less than that and on an irregular basis, then a card would have been thoughtful, but I wouldn’t be offended. The holidays are a hectic time and I would be understanding if I weren’t a regular fixture in their lives, which it sounds like you aren’t. DH and I have dozens of people we have to gift - clients, vendors, household employees, teachers and tutors, various service providers - and it’s very easy to overlook someone who isn’t a constant in our lives. It sounds like you feel like you should have gotten something anyway because of your history and you’re a “friend of the family” now, but not everyone gives cards or gifts to their friends. Also, you said you quit that job and you probably lost most of your goodwill from that. We have a nanny whom we absolutely adore and we are very generous with her. If she left us because she was changing careers, for instance, I would absolutely remember her at the holidays if she made the effort to visit us and help out with our kids. But I’ll tell you, if she left us to go to another family without objective reasons (e.g., we couldn’t give her sufficient hours), I would be devastated and have a really hard time getting over it. And I might not give her something at the holidays because I’m not over it and besides, we don’t give presents or even cards to many of our friends.

[Anonymous]

You don’t work for them. You expect a gift? You are not a friend or family. You got paid to do a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might be overreacting, but you know the parents better than we do. It’s silly for you to compare yourself to the cleaning lady; she’s a regular employee of theirs and bonuses are standard. What are you? You’re not the nanny anymore. You’re an occasional sitter and speaking of, how occasional are we talking about? Do you watch the kids on a regular basis, like every two weeks? Then yes, I’d expect something. But if we’re talking about less than that and on an irregular basis, then a card would have been thoughtful, but I wouldn’t be offended. The holidays are a hectic time and I would be understanding if I weren’t a regular fixture in their lives, which it sounds like you aren’t. DH and I have dozens of people we have to gift - clients, vendors, household employees, teachers and tutors, various service providers - and it’s very easy to overlook someone who isn’t a constant in our lives. It sounds like you feel like you should have gotten something anyway because of your history and you’re a “friend of the family” now, but not everyone gives cards or gifts to their friends. Also, you said you quit that job and you probably lost most of your goodwill from that. We have a nanny whom we absolutely adore and we are very generous with her. If she left us because she was changing careers, for instance, I would absolutely remember her at the holidays if she made the effort to visit us and help out with our kids. But I’ll tell you, if she left us to go to another family without objective reasons (e.g., we couldn’t give her sufficient hours), I would be devastated and have a really hard time getting over it. And I might not give her something at the holidays because I’m not over it and besides, we don’t give presents or even cards to many of our friends.

OP here
Ok so you’re saying you have the time and money to give gifts to all your employees and teachers tutors vendors, but you don’t have a dollar to at least buy a card for your former nanny/still babysitter?!?!?! I don’t understand this part
Especially when she comes to babysit on Christmas Eve, the day before Christmas Eve and the weekend before Christmas Eve
The nanny would be my number one before I think of any other employees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t work for them. You expect a gift? You are not a friend or family. You got paid to do a job.

I worked for them for about 4 years and still do almost weekly babysitting and go to all birthday parties
I’m sure everybody got some kind of a gift from
Their employers,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might be overreacting, but you know the parents better than we do. It’s silly for you to compare yourself to the cleaning lady; she’s a regular employee of theirs and bonuses are standard. What are you? You’re not the nanny anymore. You’re an occasional sitter and speaking of, how occasional are we talking about? Do you watch the kids on a regular basis, like every two weeks? Then yes, I’d expect something. But if we’re talking about less than that and on an irregular basis, then a card would have been thoughtful, but I wouldn’t be offended. The holidays are a hectic time and I would be understanding if I weren’t a regular fixture in their lives, which it sounds like you aren’t. DH and I have dozens of people we have to gift - clients, vendors, household employees, teachers and tutors, various service providers - and it’s very easy to overlook someone who isn’t a constant in our lives. It sounds like you feel like you should have gotten something anyway because of your history and you’re a “friend of the family” now, but not everyone gives cards or gifts to their friends. Also, you said you quit that job and you probably lost most of your goodwill from that. We have a nanny whom we absolutely adore and we are very generous with her. If she left us because she was changing careers, for instance, I would absolutely remember her at the holidays if she made the effort to visit us and help out with our kids. But I’ll tell you, if she left us to go to another family without objective reasons (e.g., we couldn’t give her sufficient hours), I would be devastated and have a really hard time getting over it. And I might not give her something at the holidays because I’m not over it and besides, we don’t give presents or even cards to many of our friends.

Btw I quit because they didn’t want to pay me for any holidays and hiring me for 5 days, but towards the end would last minute cancel days and not pay me for those days
So I don’t care if she can’t get over it, she should have paid me for everyday without canceling last minute
They knew exactly I needed to be paid regularly, and one week she didn’t want to pay me for 3 out of 5 days because her sister was in town. I lost a lot of money so I quit. You would do the same.
So now she can’t be like you know what, she’s always there for us, I never say no to come babysit
You still think at least a card wouldn’t be appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you quite because they were extremely inconsiderate. I wouldn’t be surprised they are still inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Just be sure to put these circumstances into your contracts in the future. Guaranteed pay, even if the hours are cancelled.

I have never shorted my nanny or my babysitters. As a personal trainer, I understand. I let my clients know I must have 12 hours notice for a cancellation, or they must pay the full amount. It has happened a few times. But it never happens a second time My bestie, who is an MSW therapist, taught me about this. Client misses a session? Client pays. (She requires 24 hours notice. If it happens a 2nd time they have a "re-set" conversation.)

[Anonymous]

Why did you spend all day at a child's birthday party? Kids parties are 90-120 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Base all decisions on how you feel about the children and your relationship with them. I, personally, would always choose to see my charge and former charges regardless of how the parents treated me. My love and devotion to my relationships with my former charges supersedes all else in my book.

This is the only right answer.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you still work for them when they treat you so poorly. Move on completely.