Should I rematch?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, we have a mediocre au pair who is a bit of a "princess" too. There are several small things that we have issues with, including that she does not help out around the house, we have caught her lying about small things, and she is a bit snarky at times. There are also some bigger issues, such as multiple (small) car accidents. The biggest thing is that she is not good with the kids. She is always on her phone, does not engage with them unless we specifically tell her to. It just seems that she does not enjoy playing with young kids and gets bored of it easily. The worst thing is that she is way too harsh with discipline. She has no discretion at all and will punish my kids for every little thing. We had a big incident recently when my four-year-old basically had a panic attack after the au pair got too harsh with her. After that, I reached out to our LCC and we had a mediation. AP acted like she was at an "interview" during the mediation, giving "canned" responses to everything, saying that she completely understood, and promising to change. She made it clear that she does not want to leave us - we offer her a pretty good situation (good location, lots of perks, good hours). I was somewhat hopeful that she would come around - maybe we just did not give her enough advice and we need to manage her better? But, the other part of me thinks that even if she does change temporarily, she will go back to her old ways. I feel badly about sending her into rematch this time of year. I also have concerns about what it would mean for our family. It would be inconvenient, but we could deal with a gap in care (we have family in the area). I have concerns over the re-match pool and about rushing into picking someone new. I feel that my gut says to rematch and that this is only going to get worse, but I just keep second-guessing myself. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Do what is best for your kids. Read your post and then decide. Seems clear to me.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, I would rematch ASAP. I was coming on here to start a new thread about our AP being great with the kids but not as helpful around the house as we need - and we made it clear that the 'housekeeping' side of things that we ask for (food prep, organising the kids' stuff, cleaning their rooms) is super important to us and one of the key reasons we have an AP. However the kids love her so we think we should just suck it up as this will hopefully be our last AP. So not to highjack your thread, but to say, if we are thinking of rematch and our kids like the AP, I wouldn't hesitate in your situation. I might wait until the new year though ... we are planning on revisiting things then ourselves as just pre Xmas seems like really bad timing (but the relationship is better so ...).

Also, just tell her not to discipline your kid for anything and that she should just tell them she doesn't like what they are doing in a firm but kind voice, report to you any issues and you will deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her now that you will get her through the holidays and that rematch will begin Jan 1. Gives her a full month and a half.

[Anonymous]

rematch. this sounds like our au pair from last year. We are so glad she is gone and we absolutely should have rematched but didn't given the inconvenience. Peace of mind outweighs the inconvenience of rematch.

[Anonymous]

They learn about canned responses from their facebook groups. One minute they are acting out---and then they come back with a "oh, I totally understand. I agree. This will not happen again".

Fake. rematch.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the advice everyone - you have all definitely reassured me that rematch is the right thing to do. I still feel bad, this is the right thing for our family.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut! You don't have to put up with that BS, there are wonderful APs out there. Send yours packing.

[Anonymous]

If you have a back up care, then this is a no brainer. Don't let her take advantage of the situation. Ours left in late September and we have only been happier since.

[Anonymous]

We did a late November / early December rematch once. It was stressful, but no more so than at any other time of year. AP found a new family (although she was subsequently sent home for rule violations) and we got an amazing new AP. And didn’t ruin our vacation / holidays by coexisting in a bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Definitely rematch! Her treatment of your kids could have long term effects if your child is already having panic attacks.

Seriously.. put your family first. It sounds like you gave her plenty of chances.

[Anonymous]

Rematch and get your princess out before the holidays. Do you WANT to see the pouting from not getting an Apple Watch or iPad from you (no matter that she may not have asked but expects extravagant presents from her rich American host family)?

You kids do not like her. She has harmed one of your kids into having PANIC ATTACKS. Hell to the no.

[Anonymous]

Multiple car accidents and traumatizing a 4 year old? That's not ok. And I'm a HM who has tolerated a lot of adult to adult issues as long as they don't affect safety or make my kids unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Thanks again for the advice! I contacted the agency and they were giving me push back, the LCC said that we need to give her a chance to improve. I have already given her four months! Any advice for dealing with the agency and getting the rematch to happen ASAP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks again for the advice! I contacted the agency and they were giving me push back, the LCC said that we need to give her a chance to improve. I have already given her four months! Any advice for dealing with the agency and getting the rematch to happen ASAP?

Hmm I always read about the pushback from the agencies and it surprises me, I know of two families who just asked the AP to leave the same day because they couldn't take it anymore. How does that work in this case? when the family says screw it and call LCC to say: AP is coming to stay with you!