Settling for good, not great, nanny

[Anonymous]

Had a new nanny start 2 months ago after our long-time nanny left to go back to school. She seemed amazing when we were interviewing her (and had really strong references), but in reality seems good/fine but not great. Not sure if our expectations are too high, but a few examples below...

- In 8 weeks she has been late 5 times. Not crazy late, but arrived at like 8:05am instead of 8am. The rest of the time she walks in the door at exactly 8am and never a minute earlier. While she does not have to come early and it's not the biggest deal when she is a couple minutes late, my old nanny was ALWAYS 5-10 mins early just to ensure she was never late.

- We live pretty close to a Starbucks (like 5 minute walk) and most days after arriving the nanny will take the baby out for a walk. I found out she typically takes him to Starbucks to grab a coffee. She also takes him to the grocery store a couple times per week (also walking distance) to get things for herself to eat (I see the grocery bags when I get home). Not a huge deal, but I am not sure that I love that it happens so regularly and I wonder what other errands she may be running which takes time away from engaging with my son. I have no problem telling her not to do this, just wondering if it's something that needs to be spelled out or should be a given.

- She does not seem to get on the floor and play with the baby. She does take him out for walks at least twice a day, which I like, but from what I can tell his toys - which I put away and organize when I play with him at night - are untouched. I asked her about this and she said they are so busy they don't always have time, and I told her I just want to make sure he has time to be on the floor and practice crawling, etc. I was also home once and my older one asked her to play dolls and while the nanny agreed - you could tell she was not into it. After a couple minutes she suggested playing a board game instead. Trust me I get that playing dolls is boring, but I still do it.

All of this said she is very sweet and seems to be taking good care of my kids, but we are wondering if we could have done better. What do others think? I never thought my other nanny was exceptional but maybe she was? I can definitely talk to the nanny about any or all of these things, but wondering if I should even have to or that's a bad sign?

[Anonymous]

I think you are neurotic and crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are neurotic and crazy.

Just curious - are you a nanny or an employer of a nanny?

Again, asking to see if these things would bother others. My old nanny was completely different so that’s all I have to compare it to.

[Anonymous]

Former Nanny and now a parent here. I disagree with everything except the floor time. Its fine to walk and go get coffee, I would also be fine with errands, I love babies but they can be boring and as nannies don't get a lunch break where they can go and run errands I am ok with it as part of the day. I think its ok to ask her to build some time in the day to do floor time with the baby.

I hate playing imaginary games, dinosaurs, dolls, house etc....I will do it sparingly but would much rather play a board game, read books, or dance to silly music.
As long as she is engaging with your older one and having one on one time I would call that a win.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I also do not play. I would be concerned about running personal errands a few days per week. Esp since she should be on her best behavior at this point in the relationship. If this is her 2 months in, how much personal time will she be entitled to after a year?

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I have never taken my charge to do anything related to me. I drink coffee and do my personal grocery shopping on my own time. And I am always early.

All that said, the most important thing is your nanny’s love for you child and ability to keep him/her stimulated and learning.

[Anonymous]

Our first nanny was like your first nanny. And I know I will never find another like her. I had to let it go.

We got incredibly lucky the first time, OP. Lightening rarely strikes in the same place twice. I can’t make good the enemy of great.

[Anonymous]

I would not be okay with my nanny’s first two months if she acted like yours. You aren’t wrong, OP.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have, OP?

[Anonymous]

So you’re upset that the nanny takes the baby out and gets a coffee. You’re upset that she doesn’t bring her lunch everyday and instead gets lunch from the store. You’re upset bc she arrives at 8am on the dot (I’ll give you that she shouldn’t be late, although it averages out to about 2.5 times a month and it’s 5 mins late which wouldn’t upset me unless it was every week.) She doesn’t need to walk in the door 5-10 mins early unless you are paying her for that time. 5-10 mins early is about 25-50 mins of time your nanny was giving you for free. Let me ask you this, do you give your nanny a 30 min uninterrupted lunch break and two 15min breaks if she is working 30-40 hrs a week? Did you pay your nanny for the extra 10 mins she arrived early?

[Anonymous]

You're probably a good mother, not a great one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re upset that the nanny takes the baby out and gets a coffee. You’re upset that she doesn’t bring her lunch everyday and instead gets lunch from the store. You’re upset bc she arrives at 8am on the dot (I’ll give you that she shouldn’t be late, although it averages out to about 2.5 times a month and it’s 5 mins late which wouldn’t upset me unless it was every week.) She doesn’t need to walk in the door 5-10 mins early unless you are paying her for that time. 5-10 mins early is about 25-50 mins of time your nanny was giving you for free. Let me ask you this, do you give your nanny a 30 min uninterrupted lunch break and two 15min breaks if she is working 30-40 hrs a week? Did you pay your nanny for the extra 10 mins she arrived early?

Actually, as a nanny, I think OP has a reason to be unhappy. No nanny should make her personal daily errands part of her job and being on time matters. And yes, she should be able to play and engage the children.

And no nanny can expect an uninterrupted rest period every day - it’s just not that kind of job. When you’re alone with a sick baby, you don’t demand your uninterrupted lunch break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're probably a good mother, not a great one.

You’re probably a good troll, not a great one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re upset that the nanny takes the baby out and gets a coffee. You’re upset that she doesn’t bring her lunch everyday and instead gets lunch from the store. You’re upset bc she arrives at 8am on the dot (I’ll give you that she shouldn’t be late, although it averages out to about 2.5 times a month and it’s 5 mins late which wouldn’t upset me unless it was every week.) She doesn’t need to walk in the door 5-10 mins early unless you are paying her for that time. 5-10 mins early is about 25-50 mins of time your nanny was giving you for free. Let me ask you this, do you give your nanny a 30 min uninterrupted lunch break and two 15min breaks if she is working 30-40 hrs a week? Did you pay your nanny for the extra 10 mins she arrived early?

Actually, as a nanny, I think OP has a reason to be unhappy. No nanny should make her personal daily errands part of her job and being on time matters. And yes, she should be able to play and engage the children.

And no nanny can expect an uninterrupted rest period every day - it’s just not that kind of job. When you’re alone with a sick baby, you don’t demand your uninterrupted lunch break.

Did you even read what you are replying too? Or even the original post? You can think OP has a reason to be unhappy. You can also think the sky is purple. So unless OP is following the law, then I don’t see the problem. The nanny’s “personal errand” is getting coffee and lunch. If OP has such an issue with that then she might need to stay home. Her nanny is entitled to eat and a break. No child needs to have attention on them every second of the day. If I ever had a family like OP I would quit on the spot. Luckily I’ve worked for normal and sane people. I don’t know where you martyr nannies come from bc I definitely haven’t met you in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're probably a good mother, not a great one.

You’re probably a good troll, not a great one.

Dp..why? Bc the post is probably accurate?