For HMs who have a more extensive interview process

[Anonymous]

First timer here, I have a short intro email I send to APs who accept my connection. After they agree to a video call, I sent an email with about 10 questions - a few general and a few specific to APs experience (to show I've read profile). One of my questions is: how did your parents discipline whenever you were a small child? I get fuzzy answers on this one. I am looking for what kind of parenting style the AP has experienced. What's a better way to ask? Another question I have is: describe a difficult/challenging experience you've been through and what you learned from it. This one is an attempt to get at maturity, but again I often get "I haven't really had any difficult experience". Better way to ask? Would love to see others favorite interview questions! Thank you.

[Anonymous]

This is weird from you to ask her how her parents disciplined her when she was small. The way she was raised doesn't mean she'll do the same with your children.
Just ask her how SHE would discipline a child if they're behaving. That's what you need to know.
I wouldn't have been comfortable telling you about how I was raised because that doesn't define who I am as a caregiver

About the difficult experience, I would have said the same : "I haven't really had any difficult experience". Because that's what happens when you're a good nanny/sitter and that the children are good and behaving.

[Anonymous]

Agree that the question re: parenting style is strange. My parents hit me (a lot) when I was a child. I have never hit my children.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs that your questions are strange. Here are some suggestions. Please be more specific. For example, describe situations that are likely to occur with your children and ask the candidate how she would handle them.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, I try to start off a little light, just to get a gauge of English ability, responsiveness, and to see if I can get some personality shining through. I also try to keep each email to 5 or fewer questions, and I will send other questions by separate email. You'd be surprised how quickly it becomes apparent you are not a match with someone by just a couple of simple, light emails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my questions is: how did your parents discipline whenever you were a small child? I get fuzzy answers on this one.

My mother's way of disciplining was not talking to me. Sometimes for days on end. Single mom, only child. a) I would not have told you that (and would not have known what to tell you instead) and b) I make sure to not do that to my children and did surely not discipline any children I ever cared for like that.

I totally understand you wanting to know what kind of parenting style the AP has experienced. But in the end you never will and you may scare people off who have been physically and/or mentally abused by their parents, which doesn't necessarily make them bad care givers.

Anonymous wrote:Another question I have is: describe a difficult/challenging experience you've been through and what you learned from it. This one is an attempt to get at maturity, but again I often get "I haven't really had any difficult experience". Better way to ask?

At that age my most difficult experience was probably my parents' divorce or maybe being bullied all through middle school. Now it would be my struffle with infertility. What would that information have helped you with exactly? You'd have wanted an answer to the question "How did you deal with the ADHD child that you cared for if he didn't want to go to sleep and kept his siblings up until late?" - however, that was not what you asked and it's not how I would have answered as there were much more difficult experiences in my eyes. Also remember that you are dealing with somebody for whom English is a foreign language.
Make it clear what you want to know. "What was the most challenging experience for you when taking care of children?" and after receiving an answer take it from there "So when [child] ran away from you in the parking lot / swallowed a marble / stuffed a pea up their nose, what did you do?"... and please tell them what you would do in that case.

One of the families that interviewed me asked multiple questions about discipline, how I would behave in situation X or Y, what I would do in this or that case... these questions are amazingly difficult to answer if you don't know the family's discipline style or the children. In the end all I wanted to do was scream "I will never hit your child" because I had no idea what they wanted to hear. I am still wondering (20 years later), what the "correct" answer would have been.
My HF put the youngest in the corner when she misbehaved.... that's not my parenting style at all. But goodness as that was what the wanted that was what I did. They let her cry it out in the corner until she had calmed down. Worked great for her. Would not have worked with dozens of other children I have worked with.

I agree with the PP who said to start off a little light (and yes, cut down on the number of questions you are asking in that first email). You don't have to go into the dark corners in your first longer email. That's for later... when you think you have gotten to know them and think they are the one. If you want to know about the relationship with their family, let them tell you something about what the do together with their family. Last family vacation? Something exciting they did last weekend? What did they do for Christmas? How do they spend New Years? With their family or friends? That might already be difficult enough for APs who aren't close to their family or whose parents happen to not be super warm and accommodating. Ask them about their child care experience in more detail. Ask about their driving experience in more detail. Let them talk about how they spend their weekends. Get to know them. Let them get to know you! Tell them about your family and your children. Get an impression of their English and their personalities first.

[Anonymous]

We're on our second au pair and we've had great matches both times.

I think you can learn a lot by hearing and seeing someone's answers on a video call.

We do the following:
1. Send a short fun note with the connection request
2. After the connection is accepted, send a medium-length fun email introducing ourselves, adding on to what we have in our profile, and asking to set up a video call
3. On the initial video call, we tell them more about our family and situation and ask a lot of basic getting to know you questions (including family, hobbies, health, driving...) and also give the candidate time to ask us questions. We usually know right away if we want to keep going through the process with them.
4. Second video call, we get into specific questions and really focus on child care - "tell us about a time when you...." "what would you do if..." "how would you..." "sometimes our child__, how would you respond?" We also have the kids get on at this point and see how the candidate interacts with them.
5. For candidates who we want to keep going with and who also want to keep going, we send them our Family Handbook at this point and ask them to read through it.
6. Third interview, we really get into specifics. What questions do they have about the handbook, what would they do if they disagreed with us on something, what would make them consider a rematch.... This is the time to ask the tough, uncomfortable questions and listen for red flag answers. Better at this point than after they've been living in your house for a month.
7. For our second year, we had our departing au pair do a video call with the final two candidates as well. That gave us a chance to get her opinion and gave the candidates a chance to ask her questions and get her opinion of us.

[Anonymous]

Short fun essay about us.
Ask why they chose to talk to your family.
Ask what they plan on doing with the skills they learn here when they return home.

If they ask more about “perks” (home, vacations, Phone, car) than what your kids are like, run. Run far away.

They will all say they like kids, can cook and clean.

But, have they ever worked a 10 hour day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, have they ever worked a 10 hour day?

(Young) People in most European countries will never have worked a 10 hour day simply because it's against local labor laws. Does that mean you should never hire Europeans?