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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of my questions is: how did your parents discipline whenever you were a small child? I get fuzzy answers on this one.[/quote]

My mother's way of disciplining was not talking to me. Sometimes for days on end. Single mom, only child. a) I would not have told you that (and would not have known what to tell you instead) and b) I make sure to not do that to my children and did surely not discipline any children I ever cared for like that.

I totally understand you wanting to know what kind of parenting style the AP has experienced. But in the end you never will and you may scare people off who have been physically and/or mentally abused by their parents, which doesn't necessarily make them bad care givers.

[quote=Anonymous]Another question I have is: describe a difficult/challenging experience you've been through and what you learned from it. This one is an attempt to get at maturity, but again I often get "I haven't really had any difficult experience". Better way to ask?[/quote]

At that age my most difficult experience was probably my parents' divorce or maybe being bullied all through middle school. Now it would be my struffle with infertility. What would that information have helped you with exactly? You'd have wanted an answer to the question "How did you deal with the ADHD child that you cared for if he didn't want to go to sleep and kept his siblings up until late?" - however, that was not what you asked and it's not how I would have answered as there were much more difficult experiences in my eyes. Also remember that you are dealing with somebody for whom English is a foreign language.
Make it clear what you want to know. "What was the most challenging experience for you when taking care of children?" and after receiving an answer take it from there "So when [child] ran away from you in the parking lot / swallowed a marble / stuffed a pea up their nose, what did you do?"... and please tell them what you would do in that case.

One of the families that interviewed me asked multiple questions about discipline, how I would behave in situation X or Y, what I would do in this or that case... these questions are amazingly difficult to answer if you don't know the family's discipline style or the children. In the end all I wanted to do was scream "I will never hit your child" because I had no idea what they wanted to hear. I am still wondering (20 years later), what the "correct" answer would have been.
My HF put the youngest in the corner when she misbehaved.... that's not my parenting style at all. But goodness as that was what the wanted that was what I did. They let her cry it out in the corner until she had calmed down. Worked great for her. Would not have worked with dozens of other children I have worked with.

I agree with the PP who said to start off a little light (and yes, cut down on the number of questions you are asking in that first email). You don't have to go into the dark corners in your first longer email. That's for later... when you think you have gotten to know them and think they are the one. If you want to know about the relationship with their family, let them tell you something about what the do together with their family. Last family vacation? Something exciting they did last weekend? What did they do for Christmas? How do they spend New Years? With their family or friends? That might already be difficult enough for APs who aren't close to their family or whose parents happen to not be super warm and accommodating. Ask them about their child care experience in more detail. Ask about their driving experience in more detail. Let them talk about how they spend their weekends. Get to know them. Let them get to know you! Tell them about your family and your children. Get an impression of their English and their personalities first.[/quote]

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