Really disappointed with nanny

[Anonymous]

First of all, we've mostly been happy with our nanny. It's not a perfect relationship, but she takes care of our daughter well and we feel safe with her. She works with us semi full-time (FT) MWF. During Tues and Thurs, she nannies a different a family in our neighborhood (I found her this job btw, although she's not very happy with them).

She is under an at-will employment with us. We give her two weeks vacation pay annually, 5 days of sick pay, and she gets Federal Holidays off. Even then, she keeps asking if she gets Spring Break off (my toddler doesn't have Spring Break!), Lincoln Day (What is this even?), etc. Under agency terms, she's also not supposed to get Black Friday off, but we've given this to her as a paid holiday.

She went on vacation for 2-weeks this year, and since my husband and I have full-time jobs, we had to find an alternative childcare for our toddler. We found this childcare facility that was supposed to just be temporary, but our daughter was really thriving. She loves it there!

So my husband and I decided to keep my daughter there. However, we also want to be fair employers. Nanny has been complaining about the many bills she has to pay - how her truck needs to get fixed and it cost her $800, how heating at home needs to be fixed at it cost her $2k, etc.

It would be unfair for her to return from vacation only to find out she no longer has a job. We wanted to be fair to her so we decided that instead of the 24 hours per week she has to work for, we cut her hours down to just 6. She only has to come a couple hours every other day to help out. BUT her salary REMAINS THE SAME. If we do the math here, she's like making $70 per hour, $140 for 2 hours - almost more than my husband and I! To try to offset that, my husband asked if she could come a few hours during the week. I need this so I could catch up on chores, etc.

However, nanny refused. She says she likes to go hiking on weekends with her husband. I understand, no one wants to work on weekends, but since we're paying her FT for PT work, we kind of expected she would be ok with it. She wasn't; she wanted to only work 6 hours (with the same pay). This is supposed to only just be for short-term too, until my daughter goes to preschool in a few months.

She also actually committed via text at first, but later recanted her statement saying she misunderstood it to mean just ONE Saturday. But ok, I'm going to just chalk that up to her probably really misunderstanding it even though it was really clear. She even told me she's very thankful that I'm keeping my word; other employers would have just let her go.

I'm really just disappointed in her. My expectation was that she take our offer or she quits since schedule doesn't work anymore. Not tell me she'd rather do 6 hours with the same salary as if she were FT.

The problem is, I also have two upcoming business trips. For one of the trips, we're tagging her along. Flights and hotels have already been paid for. My friend suggested to just terminate her employment (since this is at-will employment anyway) and find someone else to tag along. But that's going to be really hard. I don't want my daughter trying to have to re-adjust to a new person in a different place! It'll be too stressful for her and us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, we've mostly been happy with our nanny. It's not a perfect relationship, but she takes care of our daughter well and we feel safe with her. She works with us semi full-time (FT) MWF. During Tues and Thurs, she nannies a different a family in our neighborhood (I found her this job btw, although she's not very happy with them).

She is under an at-will employment with us. We give her two weeks vacation pay annually, 5 days of sick pay, and she gets Federal Holidays off. Even then, she keeps asking if she gets Spring Break off (my toddler doesn't have Spring Break!), Lincoln Day (What is this even?), etc. Under agency terms, she's also not supposed to get Black Friday off, but we've given this to her as a paid holiday.

She went on vacation for 2-weeks this year, and since my husband and I have full-time jobs, we had to find an alternative childcare for our toddler. We found this childcare facility that was supposed to just be temporary, but our daughter was really thriving. She loves it there!

So my husband and I decided to keep my daughter there. However, we also want to be fair employers. Nanny has been complaining about the many bills she has to pay - how her truck needs to get fixed and it cost her $800, how heating at home needs to be fixed at it cost her $2k, etc.

It would be unfair for her to return from vacation only to find out she no longer has a job. We wanted to be fair to her so we decided that instead of the 24 hours per week she has to work for, we cut her hours down to just 6. She only has to come a couple hours every other day to help out. BUT her salary REMAINS THE SAME. If we do the math here, she's like making $70 per hour, $140 for 2 hours - almost more than my husband and I! To try to offset that, my husband asked if she could come a few hours during the week. I need this so I could catch up on chores, etc.

However, nanny refused. She says she likes to go hiking on weekends with her husband. I understand, no one wants to work on weekends, but since we're paying her FT for PT work, we kind of expected she would be ok with it. She wasn't; she wanted to only work 6 hours (with the same pay). This is supposed to only just be for short-term too, until my daughter goes to preschool in a few months.

She also actually committed via text at first, but later recanted her statement saying she misunderstood it to mean just ONE Saturday. But ok, I'm going to just chalk that up to her probably really misunderstanding it even though it was really clear. She even told me she's very thankful that I'm keeping my word; other employers would have just let her go.

I'm really just disappointed in her. My expectation was that she take our offer or she quits since schedule doesn't work anymore. Not tell me she'd rather do 6 hours with the same salary as if she were FT.

The problem is, I also have two upcoming business trips. For one of the trips, we're tagging her along. Flights and hotels have already been paid for. My friend suggested to just terminate her employment (since this is at-will employment anyway) and find someone else to tag along. But that's going to be really hard. I don't want my daughter trying to have to re-adjust to a new person in a different place! It'll be too stressful for her and us.

I also want to add - she's been complaining about her other employer telling us they wouldn't pay her during her 2-week vacation. But they didn't sign a contract nor any form of agreement has been made. She just had the different expectations coming into that job.

[Anonymous]

Ok seriously. Ok I’m just going to say it. You are dumb. OF COURSE she only wants to work 6 hours and get paid for 24. Because YOU offered it. You should’ve given two weeks notice of 4 weeks instead of having this ridiculous arrangement. You feel entitled to have her work more than 6 hours bc her salary stays the same even though you decided that? I don’t blame her. End it now with notice of course but don’t be paying her for hours she doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and your nanny have the same issue: treating this like a friendship instead of a friendly professional relationship.

If you ever hire someone again, have a written contract that you sit down together and go through (do not rely on the agency). If you want to change the nature of a job, present it in writing as a formal contract with unmistakeable language and do not move forward until you are sure that everyone has signed and is clear on the terms. Frankly it sounds like you don’t really want her to work for you but you don’t want to hurt her feelings but you are angry that she hurt your feelings by acting entitled...

This is all too messy. Figure out what you want.

For example, If you felt that you presented it clearly in writing and she agreed to weekends, then you can tell her “I’m sorry that you were confused but our terms are X hours during the week and Y hours on weekends in exchange for your previously weekly pay remaining the same. If you don’t want to work weekends then we’ll need to alter the weekly pay to reflect that.”

If you are not prepared to let her go before the trips, then decide that you are willing to continue to pay her an exorbitant amount until after your work travel but don’t be mad at the nanny if you are choosing to keep her on at that rate.

[Anonymous]

Wait “a couple hours every other day”? So you didn’t really cut her hours to 6 you just dramatically changed her schedule to one other than that she agreed to and you don’t get why she isn’t happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait “a couple hours every other day”? So you didn’t really cut her hours to 6 you just dramatically changed her schedule to one other than that she agreed to and you don’t get why she isn’t happy?

I wouldn't call this a DRAMATIC change. That's exaggerated. She comes to work the same time, just leaves earlier and the addition of 3 hours during the weekend. Dramatic would be like changing her to a night shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait “a couple hours every other day”? So you didn’t really cut her hours to 6 you just dramatically changed her schedule to one other than that she agreed to and you don’t get why she isn’t happy?

I wouldn't call this a DRAMATIC change. That's exaggerated. She comes to work the same time, just leaves earlier and the addition of 3 hours during the weekend. Dramatic would be like changing her to a night shift.

I guess I misunderstood what you meant by “every other day.” Seems like you no longer need or want a nanny. Hopefully she’s already been interviewing.

[Anonymous]

You should have kept things status quo until after your business trips and then given your nanny adequate notice and severance. Your daughter can attend the daycare later.

[Anonymous]

She should have been terminated long before. I don't get the drama. She wasn't reliable and you found another plan. Sever the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Did you discuss your concerns with her?

[Anonymous]

Just let her go.
Another person will gladly step in for the business trip.
And for next nanny/employee have clear communication, just like you expect and experience at your own job.

But live and learn. No harm done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let her go.
Another person will gladly step in for the business trip.
And for next nanny/employee have clear communication, just like you expect and experience at your own job.

But live and learn. No harm done.

Finding a nanny that wants to work two hours, 3 days per day will be extremely difficult! I would charge $75 for those two hours, minimum. And you think that person will be available for a business trip, unlikely.

OP, rhe nanny has weekend L’s off with her husband and she spends them with her family; you should too, but certainly shouldn’t expect her to work weekend hours. Does she know that this schedule and her position with your family will be coming to an end? Jus give her two weeks notice or severance when you let her go. You are the one who decided to not use your contracted hours, not her.

[Anonymous]

You are disappointed with the situation you created.

[Anonymous]

OP, the way you have negotiated and explained the situation is a bit confusing. It also seems like you let some things bother you more than they should -- you can just answer "no" for her questions about days off factually, and listen sympathetically about her issues with money without taking on some mental burden that this is something you need to worry about or help solve. (I do agree it's a bit unprofessional for an employee to complain about bills to an employer, but some people just have that kind of oversharing habit.)

It's unclear whether you presented the new requirements as a package: say that your needs have changed and instead of 24 hours on MWF, it's 6 hours MWF + X hours on Sat/Sun for same weekly pay, as opposed to offer the 6 hours MWF at first, then tack on the weekend request as an afterthought. It's certainly bold for the nanny to counter "no I can only do 6 hours MWF for same money" but that is how negotiations work -- people can say yes, no, or counteroffer. You can and should do the same and be honest, rather than say "yes" to nanny's counteroffer and hold it against her secretly for not quitting instead so you didn't have to say "no". If you are uncertain about a counteroffer, it's better to say "I need to think about it / talk with DH" than to agree to something in the moment that you're not really ok with.

If your business trips are coming up very soon, then you'll probably just have to live with the extra expense / fewer hours you committed to until they're over and give the nanny notice that you've considered it more and the new arrangement doesn't actually work so you will have to part ways. If the business trips are further out such that you have time to give 2 weeks notice, find a new nanny and do whatever trial period/adjustment you feel you need to be comfortable before the trip, then do that. Chalk this up as a learning experience on how to communicate better with your nanny going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you discuss your concerns with her?

OP?