help needed with script for letting go nanny who has been with us 7 years

[Anonymous]

Can those of you who have done this help me with the script for telling our nanny of 7 years that we've "outgrown" using a nanny (kids are nearly 11 and 14) and that the end of the school year will be the end of her employment? I plan to tell her this week to give her 6 weeks notice (and yes, I understand that she could find a new gig before the 6 weeks are up and leave me in the lurch, but after 7 years she deserves as much notice as I can give her.)

I know that what I've said above will be understood by her (she won't be completely surprised that a 14 year old doesn't need a nanny), but I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to start the conversation and what exactly I should say. I know I can be awkward when I have to address something verbally (I'm good in writing), so I'd like to have a "script" prepared in advance.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

[Anonymous]

After 7 years she deserves no less than a month's pay for every year worked even if you have to take a bank loan. Six weeks is an insult.

[Anonymous]

Pp, that wasn’t what she is asking. And no, 7 months severance is not normal. One weeks pay for every year worked is more standard.

[Anonymous]

OP here: How about reading the query before firing back a response that (1) doesn't address the inquiry; and (2) is a non-sequitur to anything written in the inquiry? I didn't say that I was giving 6 weeks severance (I didn't even address the amount of severance I was contemplating, as that's not a question that I have of this forum); I said that I was giving her six weeks NOTICE of the end of her employment with us.

[Anonymous]

I too have been with my current family for 7.5 years. My job will be ending in the fall as the youngest will be starting kindergarten. I’m sure your nanny realizes that most nanny jobs last 5-8 years, and even that is considered long term. I think you will be fine if you just say to her that now that the kids are older they have outgrown the need for a nanny. Maybe you can post an ad for her on a local listserve, give her a letter of reference, and a severance or bonus of some sort if you are able.

[Anonymous]

Six weeks is plenty and very generous. Honestly, what other job gives you six weeks notice? I don't think I would give severance in this situation since you are giving her ample notice. I gave my nanny 12 weeks notice and don't plan on giving her severance but will give her a one week cash bonus. Flame away at my post nannies.

[Anonymous]

"Jane, can we chat for a few minutes?"

Then get settled w/ a glass of water, or tea, or whatever...

"So, I need to talk to you about something we've been wrestling with for a while now. We have decided the time has finally come when Bobby and Jimmy just don't need a nanny anymore. As they graduate from X and Y grades this year we think it's time to acknowledge their changing needs and independence.

I imagine that you aren't surprised, this is the natural order of things after all, but I want you to know that we are not making this decision lightly. You have been such an important member of our family, and are so much a part of the boys being happy, healthy, great kids.

Even if you did expect this conversation I know this may be hard for you also. Here is what we would like to do for you (and I put all of this in a letter here, so you don't have to try to remember it all now.) We anticipate your last day being June X (though we can be negotiable on that if it helps you in any way). We also will be giving you $Y as recognition of just how important you have been (and will continue to be) in our lives. Of course, we will also give you a stellar recommendation and be happy to help you in any way you might want in terms of a job search. Maybe I can post something for you on our neighborhood listserv when you're ready to start looking?

And I want you to know that if you're willing we very much hope to stay in touch. I know the boys will want to see you regularly and I will always feel like you're a cherished part of our lives.

So, that's what I needed to talk to you about."

THen you see where she is - is she upset, accepting, mad, totally ok, scared, etc... Does she seem like she took it all in or do you need to reiterate the full package you're offering? And you have a letter to give her that states everything you just said.

You can also say that there's nothing carved in stone and you want to make sure she's ok, so if there is something you can do to help her, or if she has any questions, or if she wanted to file for unemployment you wouldn't contest it, etc...

And I'd also say that we'll talk again, so she knows - and feels - that this is very different than being fired in the conventional/most painful sense.

Also - you need to address when/how/what you're telling the boys. In your shoes I'd probably tell them after you tell the nanny, and quickly, but when she's not around. Then have some family discussions (including the nanny) about how to celebrate in your last weeks, how to plan a couple of times when you'll all see each other during the summer, what kind of gift the boys might want to give her (a photo album of their years together, etc...), whether you all do something special on her last day - or maybe after her last day, etc...

All of the above is based on celebrating a wonderful nanny with whom you have a close relationship, so that has to be tweaked accordingly as appropriate. But in general, be direct, be kind, be clear, repeat the core details of specifics that benefit her (don't spend time talking about how you feel, focus on her feelings) and make everything match what you've put in writing.

You'll be fine - don't worry. Odds are she's been anticipating/dreading the conversation so there may even be relief in having it out in the open.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’d make sure to touch on any points that are important to one or both of you. End date is x, whether or not you’d like her to babysit occasionally, whether or not you’re willing to give her a recommendation letter/post on neighborhood listserv.

For what it’s worth: when my last job ended after 5 years, I only received about a week’s pay. I wish it had been more, but I’ve never known anyone to give several weeks of pay as severance. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I was with my previous family for 8 years, they gave me a gift that was equivalent to about 6 weeks pay. I’ve been with my current family for 7 years, they recently gave 2 weeks pay and said, they will give me more when my job ends in August. So yes, some employers do give severance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with my previous family for 8 years, they gave me a gift that was equivalent to about 6 weeks pay. I’ve been with my current family for 7 years, they recently gave 2 weeks pay and said, they will give me more when my job ends in August. So yes, some employers do give severance.

Those aren’t severance. Severance is payment for involuntary termination in lieu of notice. If sufficient notice is given, no severance payment is required. The first family gave you a parting gift and the second is promising you a retention bonus if you stay until the end.

[Anonymous]

Pp, I disagree. I know my job is ending in August and they told me they plan on giving me a severance, not a retention bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 7 years she deserves no less than a month's pay for every year worked even if you have to take a bank loan. Six weeks is an insult.

OP owes her nanny a @ $40,000 severance!?!? You’ve got to step back into reality. The typical severance is one week for every year worked. And, as OP goes on to say, that has nothing to do with the question asked.

OP, if you are good with script, this shouldn’t be too difficult (not meant in a bad way, just straight forward). She will understand. Prepare a letter to hand her when you tell her, as well as a reference letter so that she can start job hunting. You can offer a bonus in addition to severance, if you need to guarantee that she will stay. If you do that, be clear that the bonus is in addition to her departure severance.

[Anonymous]

OP here: PP from noon today--this is EXACTLY what I was looking for. I'll certainly tweak it to fit our situation, but I was looking for a script to work from and this fits the bill perfectly. Thank you for your time in writing this out.

And good call to those of you who indirectly recommended a "retention bonus" if she stays till we need her to (last day of school or whatever). Good food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Six weeks is not a huge amount of time to find a job and some jobs don't pay for 2 weeks. I'd give her a month's pay or give her at least two months notice and keep her on a bit longer. Just be honest that she's wonderful and you are grateful for the care she provided but the kids are at an age where you no longer need a nanny. I'd help her try to find another job.

[Anonymous]

Given how long she’s been with you, why don’t you have a collaborative convo about how long she wants to stay on while she’s looking for a new job? Ask her how long she expects it to take?