Reply to help needed with script for letting go nanny who has been with us 7 years

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[quote=Anonymous]"Jane, can we chat for a few minutes?"

Then get settled w/ a glass of water, or tea, or whatever...

"So, I need to talk to you about something we've been wrestling with for a while now.  We have decided the time has finally come when Bobby and Jimmy just don't need a nanny anymore. As they graduate from X and Y grades this year we think it's time to acknowledge their changing needs and independence.

I imagine that you aren't surprised, this is the natural order of things after all, but I want you to know that we are not making this decision lightly.  You have been such an important member of our family, and are so much a part of the boys being happy, healthy, great kids.

Even if you did expect this conversation I know this may be hard for you also.  Here is what we would like to do for you (and I put all of this in a letter here, so you don't have to try to remember it all now.)  We anticipate your last day being June X (though we can be negotiable on that if it helps you in any way).  We also will be giving you $Y as recognition of just how important you have been (and will continue to be) in our lives.  Of course, we will also give you a stellar recommendation and be happy to help you in any way you might want in terms of a job search.  Maybe I can post something for you on our neighborhood listserv when you're ready to start looking?

And I want you to know that if you're willing we very much hope to stay in touch.  I know the boys will want to see you regularly and I will always feel like you're a cherished part of our lives.

So, that's what I needed to talk to you about."

THen you see where she is - is she upset, accepting, mad, totally ok, scared, etc...  Does she seem like she took it all in or do you need to reiterate the full package you're offering?  And you have a letter to give her that states everything you just said.

You can also say that there's nothing carved in stone and you want to make sure she's ok, so if there is something you can do to help her, or if she has any questions, or if she wanted to file for unemployment you wouldn't contest it, etc...

And I'd also say that we'll talk again, so she knows - and feels - that this is very different than being fired in the conventional/most painful sense.

Also - you need to address when/how/what you're telling the boys.  In your shoes I'd probably tell them after you tell the nanny, and quickly, but when she's not around.  Then have some family discussions (including the nanny) about how to celebrate in your last weeks, how to plan a couple of times when you'll all see each other during the summer, what kind of gift the boys might want to give her (a photo album of their years together, etc...), whether you all do something special on her last day - or maybe after her last day, etc...

All of the above is based on celebrating a wonderful nanny with whom you have a close relationship, so that has to be tweaked accordingly as appropriate.  But in general, be direct, be kind, be clear, repeat the core details of specifics that benefit her (don't spend time talking about how you feel, focus on her feelings) and make everything match what you've put in writing.

You'll be fine - don't worry.  Odds are she's been anticipating/dreading the conversation so there may even be relief in having it out in the open.

Good luck.

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