Au pair sick days *that* time of the month
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Anonymous
| I realize sick days are basically unlimited for an au pair. We are heading into our 4th month with AP and so far, every month during her period she asks for 1-2 days off. I am a single parent who works full time (thus the need for an AP) and I done have the leave myself to take off 2 days per month and I kind of resent having to pay $250 each month for additional child care from a sitter to cover AP's sick days. Far be it for me to give medical advice, but I do recall being AP's age and having a shift in hormones that made my own periods unbearable. The solution was birth control pills to regulate my hormones. I am aware that she doesn't take them, and wonder if I could suggest she see a GYN doc to see if she can get some relief? Am I out of line here? Would welcome suggestions! |
Anonymous
| I've tried that route and it didn't help. I would not force someone on the pill. If kids are little, just have them stay home with her vs. taking to preschool. |
Anonymous
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She's completely unreasonable asking for these two days off.
Just warn her that "next month" you won't be able to be off from work. |
Anonymous
Live-in nanny here. Rule of thumb for any live-in employee is that you only call out if you can’t control vomiting, diarrhea or are feverish enough to be delirious. Nobody goes anywhere that isn’t essential, which may mean kids miss activities, but parents usually prefer that to scrambling for childcare, especially last minute. Explain to her that it’s acceptable to lie on the couch with a heating pad while kids nap, and show her articles about movement helping period pain. It’s counterintuitive, but stretching helps most when you want to curl up in a ball and never move again. I have endometriosis, but I don’t take more than a Tylenol when I’m going to be working, that way my judgement isn’t compromised. Remind her that this is practice for later, because she won’t be able to all out every month once she’s living and working in her country. Recommending she see the gun is a good idea, but recommending birth control is not. Many people don’t want it for various reasons, or they have adverse reactions (I do). |
Anonymous
While it may be completely unreasonable asking for those days off, how unreasonable it is will actually depend on the specific situation. When endometriosis hit me in my early 20s, I was constantly throwing up for at least the first three days plus my cramps were so bad I could barely stand up straight (and couldn't hold pain medication down due to throwing up). Plus because of the cramping I barely slept nights (which was acutally good as I had to get up to change my pad at least twice per night). Thankfully, I have PCOS in addition to endometriosis and my cycles are naturally ~90 days long. Yes, being on the pill saved me but you can't force your AP to go on birth control. OP, while I understand that you might not feel that it's your place to give medical advice, please do so! Have you talked to her why she is asking for the time off? Is it for cultural reasons? In that case, she might need a talking to that it's not culturally/socially acceptable (or appropriate) to take time off just because you are on your period. (We had an Asian PhD student who we noticed had quite frequent sick days which we later learned she took because she had been taught she shouldn't go to school/work while menstuating - no idea how she graduated school or university in her home country with missing so much education.) Is she in pain/vomiting? If so, please tell her to go see a gynecologist or Planned Parenthood. Don't give specific medical advice. It doesn't matter if you or I or her LCC think it's endo or PCOS or a cyst or whatever but it's important that she gets help if she is in so much pain that she is unable to work. |
Anonymous
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I am actually a HM who has an AP *because* of severe endometriosis. The pill did not help me, and in fact, the pill just masks symptoms--it only addresses some aspects but won't help with pain from adhesions and can also cause more nausea. We opted for an AP because my pain is debilitating and unpredictable so we needed more flexibility from a childcare provider.I say this so that you are not judgmental of pain that you can not understand or see---even if your pain was helped by the pill, please note that others' pain may not be.
That being said, the situation may not suit you, and that's fine--you need childcare. Just don't blame someone for an illness that you don't quite understand. |
Anonymous
Anonymous
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No way.
Either she finds a way to work (take Midol, get BCPs, etc.) or you will rematch. I only had two au pairs out of 10 call out sick days and those were for bad stomach flu and pneumonia. I bet this one will claim not to be able to swim on her period either. |
Anonymous
| It does not matter what the reason or diagnosis is. You need to have a sit down with your AP (recommend involving the LCC) and discuss that you have had to spend an unanticipated extra $1000 on childcare over the last four months due to her sick days and that you are not able to continue to do this for the future 8 months. She can either change the behavior, get help (which are are happy to assist with as it is much easier to help someone with a doctor appointment than go through rematch) or return home to seek medical care if the problem is that severe that it prevents her from coming to work every month. Depending on how great she is (or not) should determine how much flexibility you are willing to have with this situation. |
Anonymous
I agree with rematch--but you all make it seem like a diagnosis is as simple as a throat culture or blood test. Most women with endometriosis aren't diagnosed for 10 years, and the only way to diagnose for sure is via surgery. |
Anonymous
Pneumonia is easy because if it's bacterial it will respond to antibiotics, and for viral pneumonia and stomach flu--those resolve after a few days. Chronicity is not involved and care is very straight forward. You are dealing with something more complex. And do you know what, for anyone with fibroids who bleeds through heavy duty pads by the hour, swimming is not super easy when you are on your period. |
Anonymous
I have heard that in certain cultures it is considered very common to take a day or two off during your cycle. Not sure how accurate that is, but it has come up on this board before. I think you can have a rational conversation with her before bringing in the LCC for the sit down (that may escalate things a bit). I would, however, definitely let the LCC know that there is an issue and that you are having a reset conversation with her (document in an email). Let the au pair know that it is not typical to take off that much time unless there is fever, etc. Suggest over the counter remedies or direct her to a planned parenthood office if she would like to consult an OB/GYN to see if a medical professional may be able to provide additional assistance. But let her know that if she continues to request sick leave at anywhere near that rate, you will have to go into rematch because it's not sustainable. You need reliable care. Ask her if she understands the situation. |
Anonymous
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Mine is just pissy and crying for 2-3 days each month. Driving me nuts...
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Anonymous
Calm down PP and stop trolling. We have no idea the AP's issue. We get it that some have bad periods and issues, but based on your article you posted, Endo only affects about 15-20% of the population. The other 80-85% might just have bad cramps or just not feeling like working. I don't feel like working when I have my period, but I suck it up and deal with it. OP....have a sit down pronto and include LCC. Hash out why and a plan. (either work thru it, get help or rematch). |
Anonymous
Not trolling---15-20% is a notable proportion. I am pointing out the difference between an acute illness versus something more chronic and complex. If facts are considered trolling, then I can't help you. Please note that I also recommended rematching |