Au pair sick days *that* time of the month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way.

Either she finds a way to work (take Midol, get BCPs, etc.) or you will rematch.

I only had two au pairs out of 10 call out sick days and those were for bad stomach flu and pneumonia.

I bet this one will claim not to be able to swim on her period either.

Pneumonia is easy because if it's bacterial it will respond to antibiotics, and for viral pneumonia and stomach flu--those resolve after a few days. Chronicity is not involved and care is very straight forward. You are dealing with something more complex. And do you know what, for anyone with fibroids who bleeds through heavy duty pads by the hour, swimming is not super easy when you are on your period.

Calm down PP and stop trolling. We have no idea the AP's issue. We get it that some have bad periods and issues, but based on your article you posted, Endo only affects about 15-20% of the population. The other 80-85% might just have bad cramps or just not feeling like working. I don't feel like working when I have my period, but I suck it up and deal with it.

OP....have a sit down pronto and include LCC. Hash out why and a plan. (either work thru it, get help or rematch).

Not trolling---15-20% is a notable proportion. I am pointing out the difference between an acute illness versus something more chronic and complex. If facts are considered trolling, then I can't help you.

Please note that I also recommended rematching

And endo and fibroids are different.

[Anonymous]

A medical condition, such as this one, should be disclosed upfront. Actually, that is one of the questions I ask when screening (not too directly but I do ask ‘are you experiencing any chronic ilnesses which prevent you from being at work functioning capacity on regular basis?”). I started doing that after running into an exact same issue as OP.

[Anonymous]

AP did not disclose endometriosis during matching (our agency form asks: "Are you currently taking any medication or receiving any medical treatment that will require medical attention during your time as an au pair?" and "Do you have any other health problems or require any special medical treatment? If you do have any issues with your health, it is important you tell us now" She responded "No." She claims that the in-country agency rep basically filled out the form and wrote her essay, so she's not responsible for it. She has been diagnosed for a couple years. Since she has been here (five months), she has taken two sick days, one for endo pain. This morning, before the start of her shift, she texted to say that she had not slept well and did not feel well. I recommended some home remedies and asked if she wanted to go to the hospital. She said no. After 30 minutes, I texted to ask when she was coming upstairs and she lashed out at me that I would expect her to work (personal digs), and that of course she needed a sick day. I told her I would take her to the hospital and then she responded angrily that she would work. I am single parent and never ever take sick days, and I have multiple friends and family members with endo, so it's not that I am unsympathetic, it's just I am used to working on little sleep, in pain, mildly ill, etc. - and more importantly have little ability to flex around chronic pain flare-ups. I also am frustrated at her inability to ask (I speak her native language fluently) in a way that I could work with. For example, if she said, "I do not feel well, is there a way I could sleep until X - or is there a way I could have a few hours off to try to sleep," I could try to work with that. I cannot work with someone putting me in the position of having to assume what she wants. I cannot assume if she is texting me that she doesn't feel well that she wants the entire day off. Or, even if I could assume that, I would respond better if she took ownership over the fact that her asking for the day off would mean that I would be losing a day's worth of work. So frustrating.

[Anonymous]

If I don't take Ibuprofen the first day of my period I am in so much pain I vomit. Last year I let it go too long because I was in a two hour meeting and although I had mild cramps in the morning I just got so busy that I forgot to take the medicine. I had to go home that afternoon after vomiting at work. But that is literally the only time in the last 5 years I've missed a day of work because of it. There are solutions and I would feel like I'd want my AP to explore all of those before calling out sick.

[Anonymous]

Birth control didn't work for me and caused side effects. I am miserable for two days and that is normal for some of us. I rarely do anything those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP did not disclose endometriosis during matching (our agency form asks: "Are you currently taking any medication or receiving any medical treatment that will require medical attention during your time as an au pair?" and "Do you have any other health problems or require any special medical treatment? If you do have any issues with your health, it is important you tell us now" She responded "No." She claims that the in-country agency rep basically filled out the form and wrote her essay, so she's not responsible for it. She has been diagnosed for a couple years. Since she has been here (five months), she has taken two sick days, one for endo pain. This morning, before the start of her shift, she texted to say that she had not slept well and did not feel well. I recommended some home remedies and asked if she wanted to go to the hospital. She said no. After 30 minutes, I texted to ask when she was coming upstairs and she lashed out at me that I would expect her to work (personal digs), and that of course she needed a sick day. I told her I would take her to the hospital and then she responded angrily that she would work. I am single parent and never ever take sick days, and I have multiple friends and family members with endo, so it's not that I am unsympathetic, it's just I am used to working on little sleep, in pain, mildly ill, etc. - and more importantly have little ability to flex around chronic pain flare-ups. I also am frustrated at her inability to ask (I speak her native language fluently) in a way that I could work with. For example, if she said, "I do not feel well, is there a way I could sleep until X - or is there a way I could have a few hours off to try to sleep," I could try to work with that. I cannot work with someone putting me in the position of having to assume what she wants. I cannot assume if she is texting me that she doesn't feel well that she wants the entire day off. Or, even if I could assume that, I would respond better if she took ownership over the fact that her asking for the day off would mean that I would be losing a day's worth of work. So frustrating.

It is frustrating. As a host mom with sever endometriosis, I can tell you that I don't share with employers because sometimes people think it's just a period thing so you are being dramatic if you say how painful it is. Or, they relate their mild pain to severe pain and it's just not worth trying to get anywhere. It does not sound like this situation is going to work for you, but I do encourage you to learn more about endometriosis. CHances are, whatever your friends tell you is not as bad as what it actually is like living with the disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP did not disclose endometriosis during matching (our agency form asks: "Are you currently taking any medication or receiving any medical treatment that will require medical attention during your time as an au pair?" and "Do you have any other health problems or require any special medical treatment? If you do have any issues with your health, it is important you tell us now" She responded "No." She claims that the in-country agency rep basically filled out the form and wrote her essay, so she's not responsible for it. She has been diagnosed for a couple years. Since she has been here (five months), she has taken two sick days, one for endo pain. This morning, before the start of her shift, she texted to say that she had not slept well and did not feel well. I recommended some home remedies and asked if she wanted to go to the hospital. She said no. After 30 minutes, I texted to ask when she was coming upstairs and she lashed out at me that I would expect her to work (personal digs), and that of course she needed a sick day. I told her I would take her to the hospital and then she responded angrily that she would work. I am single parent and never ever take sick days, and I have multiple friends and family members with endo, so it's not that I am unsympathetic, it's just I am used to working on little sleep, in pain, mildly ill, etc. - and more importantly have little ability to flex around chronic pain flare-ups. I also am frustrated at her inability to ask (I speak her native language fluently) in a way that I could work with. For example, if she said, "I do not feel well, is there a way I could sleep until X - or is there a way I could have a few hours off to try to sleep," I could try to work with that. I cannot work with someone putting me in the position of having to assume what she wants. I cannot assume if she is texting me that she doesn't feel well that she wants the entire day off. Or, even if I could assume that, I would respond better if she took ownership over the fact that her asking for the day off would mean that I would be losing a day's worth of work. So frustrating.

It is frustrating. As a host mom with sever endometriosis, I can tell you that I don't share with employers because sometimes people think it's just a period thing so you are being dramatic if you say how painful it is. Or, they relate their mild pain to severe pain and it's just not worth trying to get anywhere. It does not sound like this situation is going to work for you, but I do encourage you to learn more about endometriosis. CHances are, whatever your friends tell you is not as bad as what it actually is like living with the disease.

I think that's really true, especially since my friends are perimenopausal. But when they were young they worked through severe pain - it is the nature of the beast for a lot of professional women in the US. We do not have a work culture that allows women to be sick or encourages all workers to practice self-care. She is a good au pair and I am willing to be as supportive as I can, but I cannot intuit what she wants, and I also cannot always promise on a given day I can be available if she did not sleep well.

That said, I probably would not have matched with her if I knew she had endo, because I know how debilitating it is. I would totally hire a woman in my professional sphere who suffered from a chronic illness (although we would not be able to ask that), but I would thought my exhausting toddler would be too much for an AP with endo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP did not disclose endometriosis during matching (our agency form asks: "Are you currently taking any medication or receiving any medical treatment that will require medical attention during your time as an au pair?" and "Do you have any other health problems or require any special medical treatment? If you do have any issues with your health, it is important you tell us now" She responded "No." She claims that the in-country agency rep basically filled out the form and wrote her essay, so she's not responsible for it. She has been diagnosed for a couple years. Since she has been here (five months), she has taken two sick days, one for endo pain. This morning, before the start of her shift, she texted to say that she had not slept well and did not feel well. I recommended some home remedies and asked if she wanted to go to the hospital. She said no. After 30 minutes, I texted to ask when she was coming upstairs and she lashed out at me that I would expect her to work (personal digs), and that of course she needed a sick day. I told her I would take her to the hospital and then she responded angrily that she would work. I am single parent and never ever take sick days, and I have multiple friends and family members with endo, so it's not that I am unsympathetic, it's just I am used to working on little sleep, in pain, mildly ill, etc. - and more importantly have little ability to flex around chronic pain flare-ups. I also am frustrated at her inability to ask (I speak her native language fluently) in a way that I could work with. For example, if she said, "I do not feel well, is there a way I could sleep until X - or is there a way I could have a few hours off to try to sleep," I could try to work with that. I cannot work with someone putting me in the position of having to assume what she wants. I cannot assume if she is texting me that she doesn't feel well that she wants the entire day off. Or, even if I could assume that, I would respond better if she took ownership over the fact that her asking for the day off would mean that I would be losing a day's worth of work. So frustrating.

It is frustrating. As a host mom with sever endometriosis, I can tell you that I don't share with employers because sometimes people think it's just a period thing so you are being dramatic if you say how painful it is. Or, they relate their mild pain to severe pain and it's just not worth trying to get anywhere. It does not sound like this situation is going to work for you, but I do encourage you to learn more about endometriosis. CHances are, whatever your friends tell you is not as bad as what it actually is like living with the disease.

I think that's really true, especially since my friends are perimenopausal. But when they were young they worked through severe pain - it is the nature of the beast for a lot of professional women in the US. We do not have a work culture that allows women to be sick or encourages all workers to practice self-care. She is a good au pair and I am willing to be as supportive as I can, but I cannot intuit what she wants, and I also cannot always promise on a given day I can be available if she did not sleep well.

That said, I probably would not have matched with her if I knew she had endo, because I know how debilitating it is. I would totally hire a woman in my professional sphere who suffered from a chronic illness (although we would not be able to ask that), but I would thought my exhausting toddler would be too much for an AP with endo.

I hear where you are coming from. I went through med school with horrible endo, and then actually took time off because I felt I was always disappointing people. I need to be in control of my hours. Being an AP would not have worked for me.

You do sound like you have a lot on your plate so maybe it is time for a discussion with LCC.